Poetry by Joahna

It started as a way to release my emotions, a few nights I started telling myself that I needed to do it more often, that I needed to do it every night, as the punishment I deserved, for being imperfect, for never being good enough, for being myself

I know a lot of people deal with anorexia and they hear that little voice called Ana in their head, telling them what to eat, when to purge, counts the calories for you, but for me Ana has becomes more than that, she tells me what to do, what to feel, how to act, what to eat, she reminds me that I am a mess because I know she is right, I do deserve it, sometimes I hate her and I just want her out of my head, but at the end I need her more than ever

I've dealt with self harm all my life Cutting, anorexia, bulimia, burning myself They're my release And it's just too beautiful and too sad at the same time That poetry just comes easily

There's always a moment in our lives, when nothing seems right, and everything's wrong, and we think we've lost hope. God knows I've had those moments, and it seems that it will never be alright again. But believe it or not, there's always hope, even if it's just a little flicker. Hold onto that flicker of hope.