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Grief Poem

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Poems are like children. We create them and they feel very personal to us, but then they travel outward, interact with others, and take on a life of their own. My brother died in 1997 at the age of 38. I wrote a poem about my own grieving process and sent it to a few friends who had also suffered losses. They sent it around and, to my surprise, it started to travel around the Internet a little. I have received some very touching emails from people telling me the poem gave them some peace after the loss of a loved one. There is no greater feeling than that - knowing that some little words I wrote in my hour of darkness helped someone else find some comfort in theirs. I hope it helps you, too.

How We Survive

If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.

If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the bottom.

One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.

Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.

And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way...

The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.
How We Survive by Mark Rickerby @FamilyFriendPoems

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Votes: 90

Rating: 4.7

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Published: 8/29/2008

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I lost my daughter in 1995 and this is exactly what I went through. It's almost as if you were there with me. Only someone who has experienced this darkness thoroughly could have written such a poem. Thank you for describing so vividly how you found your way to wholeness again so that others might as well. Bless you, Mark.

Louise Posted on Wednesday, November 05, 2008

that really touched me I loved that poem it made me cry u r a very talented person cherish it!

Ariana Posted on Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I had to do a memorial tribute to men who had died in my church during the past year. I read this poem, and knew that this would be a perfect piece to read during the service. Mark, after I read the poem I'm going to publicly acknowledge both you and this wonderful website

George Posted on Saturday, November 22, 2008

beautiful poem my sister lost her oldest son on 12/21/2008 and as I read this poem it reminded me of her and made me cry

carmen Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2009

One of my very close friends Anita died in a head on collision and your poem really helped me and my friends,
Thank You

catherine tracey Posted on Tuesday, October 27, 2009

This touched me a few days ago, when I remembered the death of my father two years ago.
We are four children and we took the death of Papa four different ways and my mother took it different again.
Our black hole was made less black by the fact that we could come together.
But thank you for sharing these feelings!

Margret, South-Western UK Posted on Sunday, November 08, 2009

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