Published: Feb 2011
Decisions to make, but can't decide,
Hurt from pain of a broken heart,
Days go on as if they are dark,
Looking for happiness, the light to return,
My soul feels empty, deceptive, a burn.
Published: Feb 2011
It has been a little over a year since I discovered my bf's cheating on me. I suffered a great deal in our relationship especially that we have a 1 year old son. He slept with several women and I couldn't believe how many lies he built up just to cover his ass. He meets these women over the internet and meets with them personally and apparently agree to have sex. I was shocked with his behavior and I asked myself "What kind of monster have I got myself tied up to?" I kept asking myself the same question every single day. After the big discovery and the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, nth chances, after the massive fights we had, I can't make my decisions straight. I love him and fear that my son will grow without him if I leave him but deep inside, I am really hurt every single day and every single minute. Deep inside I could not forgive him. My life is miserable. I feel so empty and zero trust. Just waiting endlessly for the day to come when I feel that genuine happiness again.
After four years of being with my boyfriend and having two kids, he cheated on me and moved out our apartment to be with her! He's cheated on me before and me being in love with him and believing his lies that he will change I'll take him back and forgive him! He would come to my house after he moved out to see our kids but also will still try and be with me! He will make me feel like he's going to change this time for good but at the end it's back to him leaving to be with her and me and the kids not hearing from him for days! Then he shows back up in my door again then the same thing repeats! I called him for our kids and he's says he don't care about them that he's dead to us and to find them a new father!! I stood shocked and hurt because this is a man who I knew since we were little and struggled a lot with! This was my best friend before anything and now its really hard for me to trust anyone again!
I just found out after my husband left from work, left me a text message about being involved with the wrong people, which was partly true, the wrong people were 4 women he had met supposedly 4 over the span of 2 years he had "protected " sex with, no love just the excitement I guess. But he threw his phones out the window as not to be tracked. Our sons are 26 & 29 .We have 4 beautiful Grandbabies. I have been married since I was 17. Anyway, after filing a missing report on him and he went for a extended drive all over the place dealing with his demons. In his text he said he was tired of lying to everybody and couldn't take it anymore, rather than coming to me, the person he swore he would give the moon to when we were young. He shot himself in the side not actually trying to kill himself but to make me want him. He is in counseling. I see him today, w/his Dr. and he is to tell me over again what he admitted in the hospital. To me and his family. How can I go on and can I ever trust again:(
My wife left my three kids and me 3 years ago, as I had set her up with a Facebook profile and she met her long lost first love. She started chatting and left me and the kids for him and tortured portrayed me as a villain for 6 months before she left. I had become very depressed and lots of anxiety yet somehow with the help of a good shrink I made it through. About 9 months ago she started talking to me and suggested she wanted to come back to reconcile so my kind generous heart yet very stupid mind let her back in. I had lost my job due to the depression and could not get work in Canada due to becoming profiled and found a job in the middle east and set aside my self respect, dignity and left the home to go to work and provide for them all so they could sustain their home and way of life. Just recently she contacts me and tells me she's going to visit the same guy again in Calgary yet would come back after that and take good care of the kids..
I am torn to pieces and truly regret letting her back home yet it was good for the kids ..So now I am stuck cause I can't find a job in Canada, she uses the money I send her to support her affair with her flame and I can't do anything about it as selling the house would mean my kids would be uprooted and asking her to leave would mean my kids are alone..
Fell so betrayed and unhappy its killing me yet have to stay strong as my kids need me to support them..
I can emphasize with this poem as this is what I'm going through. I have to make a decision to leave my cheating spouse but there are so many things I still have to consider especially the 3 kids. My days are so dark and I only find light in writing poems similar to this one. I also wonder when the light of my happiness will shine again, I find it so hard to continue this charade of emptiness...