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Father Death Poem

I'm 17 years old, and I find great comfort in writing poems, about my father's death. He died from pancreatic cancer, when I was 16, leaving my mum with a 10 month old baby. There isn't a word or thought that could ease my pain, but writing these poems helps me to justify my feelings, an I find a real sense of serenity when I write one. My dad is sadly missed, and as it's coming up to the 2 year anniversary of this death, the pain is slowly, and gradually easing a little. God bless all you other people in my situation.

The Beginning

©
Walking down the hospital corridor
I grip hold of my mum’s hand,
Fighting against the tears.

Because, only an hour ago,
I had been told my father had cancer.
And only an hour ago,
My life came to a screeching halt.
Somehow, my hair isn’t a priority
Make-up doesn’t even cross my mind.
I just feel a raging, overwhelming need to be with my
Dad.

The rain is dripping off the window pane.
Tip-tap, Tip-tap, Tip.
I can hear my sister’s tiny shoes pound the hospital floor
Bless her little soul.
She’s clinging onto my mum’s hands.
Unable to walk independently
At a mere 7 months old.

Her infectious giggle is echoing in the
Deathly silent corridors
She points to a passing car outside
“Ooooh!” She squeals.

Her delicate, innocent, angel face
Puts a sorrowful smile on mine.
Would she be so content if she knew what was going on?

As the ward door approaches,
I freeze on the spot
“Natalie, come on. Dad’s waiting for us”

In my mind, I want to. I really do.
But physically, I just can’t.
I’m scared.
Scared he’s not coming home.
Scared he’s going to die in that very bed.

I feel my mum’s arms around me.
Smell the comforting smell of her Channel perfume
Feel her hands stroking my hair
And then, I realize… I’m crying.

But as heartless as it sounds, I don’t’ feel a connection to her.
I am unable to feel her, emotionally.
I don’t feel anything towards her.
I’m so selfish
She needs me.
And I just can’t elate to her

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Published: May 2008

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  • This poem brought me to tears. I miss my father like crazy. I also lost my father 3 years ago to pancreatic cancer. Continue to write dear you're amazing!!!

    Bangbang Submitted Mar 2010
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  • A little over 7 months ago I said goodbye to my dad after his passing of pancreatic cancer, this poem hit home with me so much I didn't want my moms comfort all I wanted was my dad, for his arms to be around me one more time. To hear him say that he loved me. I remember sitting in that doctors office just days after I had made the 36 hour trip home from North Carolina all by myself driving straight through and the doctor telling us my dad had less then a year to live, that it was cancer and a form of cancer that was not able to be cured. I remember looking at my dad and wondering where I went wrong in life and why god was taking him from me... I was 19 years old when I found out that my dad would not make it to my 21st birthday, that he would not watch me get married, or hold his grandbabies. I watched all my life flash before me wishing more then anything I could go back to that little girl that he would run out and save when I would fall off my bike. I love you daddy and I miss you.

    Ashley Submitted Oct 2010
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  • I just lost my dad to pancreatic cancer on March 2, 2011. Not only did this poem touch me, but the story of the girl who wrote it did as well. I don't know how any of us (my mom, myself, or my brother) are going to get on without him here. I already miss him so much.

    Marisa, Las Vegas Submitted Mar 2011
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  • I also just lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer on March 9, 2011. Thank you for such a heartbreaking and touching poem. It is so hard to let go and to wrap our heads around the fact that our Dad is gone. If time could only be turned back 3 months or 4. Love you Dad always.

    Jackie, Derby KS Submitted Mar 2011
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  • Thank you for your beautiful poem. You really capture that horrible moment of learning the diagnosis that too many of us have experienced. And way too many of us are feeling the pain of losing fathers to pancreatic cancer. I hope you and all your readers can feel those long tight hugs from heaven.

    Ann, Illinois Submitted Mar 2011
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  • I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer Jan. 20, 2011...we found out about his cancer in Oct of 2010 and three months later he was gone. I miss him more and more each day. Thank you so much for sharing this poem, as odd as it sounds it gives an odd sense of peace knowing I'm not alone

    Nicole, Midland Tx Submitted Mar 2011
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  • January 21,2011 I found out my dad had bone, and lung cancer. the doctors gave him 3 months to live on March 22,2011 cancer spread to his brain and his lungs are not holding oxygen, that they were having us all come in because tonight was the night.the doctors said he wont make it through the night, I was standing there watching my dads oxygen go up and down the doc said when they hit 0 its all over it hit 2 crying and my brother grabbed me and told me he will be in heaven, we left the hospital and he made it through the night, and I guess seeing his whole family together lifted his sprits and his lungs went back up to 70% and before they were at 20%, well today he was released from the hospital, he is doing alright but they gave him one week.

    Sarah, Hunker Pa Submitted Mar 2011
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  • My Dad died three years ago of cancer after suffering for four years. I found out my dad was dying when I was six. He died on my tenth birthday. I was in the room asleep when it happened. I miss him but I wish I didn't because he wasn't very nice to me or my family. I turned to self-harm. My Mum didn't even notice. I'm trying to sort my life out now but it's not really working. My brother ran away when I was six. He couldn't deal with my Dad having cancer. Now he's back and on drugs. My perfect little family.
    Good poem by the way. I'm sorry for your loss. X

    Maggie, Uk Submitted May 2011
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  • My dad died a year ago today. He also had pancreatic cancer but he died because he had 2 brain tumors that couldn't be removed. We found out that he had diabetes, pancreatic cancer, and brain tumors all within 2 weeks. About a month or 2 later, he passed. :'(
    The worst part is, I blamed myself, because I have brain surgery 2 years ago and the doctor said that if I had to have waited one more day, I probably would have died. I felt like I was suppose to take that away from him. That I was suppose to die and not him.

    I am very sorry for your loss. I know how you feel.

    Maryann, IN Submitted Jun 2011
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  • On September 23, 2009. My father died when I was only 11. He died of Pancreatic and Liver cancer. It broke my heart. I always somewhat treated him different than my mom. Everytime I was with my dad I wanted to call my mom. But even if I was at my dad's house in a different room, I was hallway's afraid he was getting hurt. I loved him more than anything. I think to this day it is somewhat my fault he died, like I could have done something to help him get better. I have had thing's that happened to him, while I was around that will scar me for life. I don't know how people can deal with it so well. But I loved this poem, it was exactly what happened to me, when I found out. I hope your doing alright. Thank you.

    Amanda, IN Submitted Jun 2011
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  • My daddy passed away on July 22, 2010 from lung cancer after suffering for a year. I miss him so much:(

    Norma, CA Submitted Jun 2011
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  • I lost my father to cancer Feb. 20,2008 we didn't learn of his cancer until 39 days before he died he was misdiagnosed at a local hospital they said he had a stomach infection gave him all kinds of antibiotics steroids and stuff he was losing blood we was told his kidneys was causing that, they never really looked at all the test they'd done. If they would have they should have seen he had a very small tumor in 06 that was neglected and it just got worse they never even seen it . It's hard losing a dad in any way, but when he could have been saved if doctors would have taken a extra few min to look. God bless

    Tina, Mississippi Submitted Jun 2011
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  • I just lost my wonderful Father on March 6, 2011. He lost his battle to pancreatic cancer after 8 months of fighting so bravely....I thought your poem was so wonderful and I could feel all the emotions you were feeling. You are so blessed as a writer. Keep on writing. I know you are missing your Dad and it hurts. Use your writing to express yourself. I believe you have a true future as a writer. God Bless You!!

    Amy, Usa Submitted Jul 2011
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  • Lost my Dad yesterday to Pancreatic Cancer, he fought the best battle for 16 months. I'm so proud of the way he raged against it, and never let it take his love, faith or his dignity away. The best man I ever knew. Dad you will never be forgotten. Mark

    Mark, Oklahoma Submitted Jul 2011
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  • I lost my dad December 2007. I miss him so much. Wish he still would be here with me. I love you dad xxxx

    Helen, Canada Submitted Aug 2011
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  • My father died when I was 3, although I don't remember him as much as my sister does, it still hurts when it comes to the anniversary of his death or his birthday. I love hearing about my father and how much of a truly inspirational man he was, cancer took over him in 1999 and although I've lost my dad, heaven has gained an angel!

    Bridie Jones, Oxford Submitted Sep 2011
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  • My dad died 18th October 2009. Also of pancreatic cancer, was diagnosed 10 days before he died, They were treating him for a hernia. It's getting harder every day, and his 2nd anniversary coming up and I'm reliving the last seven weeks we had with him, every phone call, every conversation. Hopefully it does get better, your poem was really close to home, keep up the good writing........

    Ireland Submitted Oct 2011
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  • Tomorrow will be 2 months ago that I lost my father at age 52 after a 16 month battle of pancreatic cancer. I am so proud of my father for fighting till his last breath especially without proper medical care & medication needed because he didn't qualify for any assistance because he was so young. I am very blessed to have had such a wonderful strong willed hardworking father as I did & love him and miss him everyday like crazy

    Roxanne R., Texas Submitted Oct 2011
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  • My dad has throat cancer and he has 2 weeks if that to live. I know what you went through. It hit me like a ton of bricks to find this out.

    Rosa, CA Submitted Nov 2011
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  • I lost my Dad 23/12/2011 He had been told he had throat cancer 3 years before. He was given 6 weeks to live. He had surgery to remove the tumor (and his voice box) He could no longer talk. Even after bring fitted with an indwelling speech valve. My Dad was 80 when this all started.... He was young at heart and only fought to stay longer as I was going through a divorce. My Mother couldn't cope and he ended up in a nursing home. That was the worst as I had nowhere to live that he could stay with me! it was heart breaking! That was the thanks he got for everything? The care system let him down. They did not know how to care for him so he lost all voice. He WANTED HOME. He wrote notes explaining how badly he had been treated in the nursing home, how scared he was and the lies they had told. he was very weak. I got him home. Cancer didn't kill him. He starved to death as he couldn't eat or drink! had him home 6 days. 83 years, the last 3 were hell

    Trish Bangor, Northern Ireland Submitted Dec 2011
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  • The day Apple genius and CEO, Steve Jobs died, was the day we discovered my dad had pancreatic cancer. The doctors say he has no more than 6 months to a year. Heroically, He has made it to month 7....

    I am soo scared to lose him I have no idea what to even say. All I know, is that I love my father more than anything in the world. When the word hero comes up, all I can picture is my dads face.

    Thank you all for sharing your stories.

    Pleasanton, Ca Submitted May 2012
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  • My Dad died yesterday, May 22, 2012 from a battle with Pancreatic cancer - he was 66, vibrant, strong, but the cancer trumped him to a 100 lb weight, a shell of a man at 5''11. It was sad to see him suffer in his final moment of death, but he's now at peace and with that, even though my heart is full - I find comfort knowing he is with God. Thank you for your poems - they are poignant and give inspiration and comfort to broken hearts at the loss of a loved one.

    Tina, Texarkana, Texas Submitted May 2012
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  • I just lost my dad to Lung cancer. It was stage 4 metastatic when he moved to SC with me. He came to live with me on Feb 18 . It spread everywhere within a matter of months. His pancreas began to shut down on a Tuesday. He died at 3:38am Friday morning. I am sorry for your loss. Thanks for such a lovely poem.
    Missing my dad- 5/25/12~ Rest in Peace

    Dominique, SC Submitted Jun 2012
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  • I lost my father to cancer as well, what you went through with the exception of your little sister is identical to my experience. I was too scared to say good-bye to my father and here I am 15 years later still seeking help, unable to cope, numb because he was my world. I too felt no connection to my mother and here I am today wishing some way some how I could let her know I love her, but don't know how. I will never love the way I loved him.

    Dianne Submitted 7/6/2012
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  • My dad died of lung cancer when I was 10. I remember seeing a television show once where someone described it as joining a club that no one wants to join and no one can really understand it unless they have. I've learned that while the hurt never fully goes away it does get better.

    Diana, Canada Submitted 10/16/2012
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  • My father passed away of pancreatic cancer on June 4th 2011 and it was the most painful experience I've had to deal with thus far. His name was Alex Mancilla and he was 51 yrs old. He was told in October of 2008 that he had 3 months to live cause he had stage 4 pan can.... my father being my father, got a second opinion and was able to battle the cancer for 3 years, going thru chemo and therapy sessions, but then the doctors told him his cancer was dormant and was no longer a threat and 8 months later his health took a turn for the worse...they prescribed him Oxycodone for his pain but they were really drugging him and it was very sad and hurtful to see him in the stage he was in. I am still very angry at the way everything was dealt to my father and hope that nobody ever goes thru this.

    Oscar, CA Submitted 10/17/2012
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  • Hi, I lost my brave Dad to bile duct cancer nearly 4 weeks ago now. It's a pain like no other knowing I won't see, hear or be able to hug him again. He fought a brave fight right till the end, but even though I knew the end was coming I thought he'd always be here. I'm so proud of my Dad, as I said to him before he died "thank you Dad for being you" x
    It's heartbreaking reading these stories, my thoughts are with you all.
    X

    Jan,Scotland Submitted 11/6/2012
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  • I was 6 years old when my dad died of lung cancer. Yes I was only 6 and I am 11 now although it still hurts me as much as the very moment my mum told me.
    Even before that he wasn't really there completely
    He had just slowly faded away over time, and he was only 50
    He was only diagnosed with cancer when it was to late to get rid of it so they just had to control it.
    He didn't like being in hospital so he came home because all the doctors were doing where giving him medicine which my mum could do so any way I didn't know that that was why he was coming home. I thought he had gotten better.....so please try and imagine how I felt a few days later when I come home from school to find that my dad would only ever hold me in his arms and tell me that he loves me in my dreams.

    Julie Roberts Submitted 12/17/2012
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