Father Death Poem

My Father Committed Suicide

My father committed suicide when I was 18 years old. I had not spoken to him but once or twice in the past 2 years before that. The last time had been on father's day in 1998...and it was a short call. Seeing as how in those days there wasn't much to say. To this day, I regret the ill relationship I had with my father. Don't waste time. Don't let this be you.

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When I was 3 my father was diagnosed with schizophrenia, on that same Thanksgiving he committed suicide 5 minutes before midnight. I am broken in so many ways. I feel like I'll never be happy …

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© Alexandria Marin

Published: Feb 2009

The End

In the beginning,
you were my dad,
you were my hero,
you were my everything.

The heart of a child,
the fun of childhood,
the love that could never be torn apart,
the unconditional value.

You were my teacher in life,
you were my most valued asset,
you were my strength,
you were my light.

Then you were my DAD,
you were my boss,
you were my disciplinary,
you were my fear.

The fear of doing wrong,
the disappointment in your eyes,
the way everything I did was wrong,
the way teenage years were withering our love.

You were my heart,
yet, at a distance,
you were my hero,
yet, you did not know it,
you were my everything,
yet, it was unapparent.

As the days drifted us further apart,
and the ways of our lives,
drove us to ends with no words,
you, were still, my father.

Then, in the end,
as the gun clanged,
and the tear fell from my eye,
you were once again,
my dad,
my hero,
my everything...,
Id just been too selfish to let it be known,
and now, it was too late.

I love you daddy,
and always have,
and in this 11th year,
I proclaim,
I am still shattered,
beaten and torn,
by the emotions of your ill suicide.

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  • by Jaylen, Arkansas
  • 8/11/2014

When I was 3 my father was diagnosed with schizophrenia, on that same Thanksgiving he committed suicide 5 minutes before midnight. I am broken in so many ways. I feel like I'll never be happy again. I almost stabbed myself in the stomach a few nights ago. I feel like killing myself because God hates me and I'll go to Heaven and eventually my friends and family members will get over my death. I've been so depressed and I want my life to end. Everyone around me has dads and has blessed and happy lives, while I'm in the darkness trying to kill myself under everyone's noses. My life is so horrible and it's not meant for me to live. I want the pain to stop and I just want to be happy and be with my father.

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  • by Kansas
  • 6/2/2014

I'm 15 and about a week ago, my father committed suicide in my bathroom. I never knew he was depressed or unhappy. He never spoke about it. But one morning before school started he came to me and said, "I'm ashamed" I asked him why, and he said have your mother tell you. I went to school thinking nothing of it but when I came home he had shot himself in my bedroom. I have never been more shocked or confused in my entire life. He was a man of his word. He always kept his promises and he promised me he would walk me down the aisle. I feel guilty, and angry, and tired. I miss my dad so much. And I don't understand what to do now. All my life I have called him by his first name. I have no idea why. I would give all the money in the world just to see him one last time and hug him and call him dad. All the money in the world.

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  • by Peter
  • Aug 2013

My father never lived in with me or my mother, he became mentally unstable before I was born. My mother tried to keep me somewhat away from him, but at the age of 5 my father started to insist to see me at least once a weekend every 5 weeks under supervision of either a family friend/member. These days were special, he would take me to an amusement park or all the great places a kid would want to go, he usually spoiled me with gifts and anything I desired. I recall 2 or 3 moments where the bad side of him showed and I could feel the tension in the air, it was never aimed at me personally, perhaps a tollbooth operator or someone that was causing problems according to him. At the age of 12 he was supposed to pick me up on my birthday, however he never showed. I didn't speak to him for a year, but I received a phone call from my aunt that he drunk himself to death, he thought he was no longer needed. Many of my hopes and dreams diminished and my childhood ended that day.

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  • by Haley, Jacksonville
  • May 2013

When I was 6 my dad committed suicide. I am now 15. He seemed so happy then one day he shot himself in the head with a gun:'(. Things have NEVER been the same! Ever since then I have had depression, & the sad part about it all I was lied to for 5 years about it. Everybody told me that he died of a seizure. But I know the truth! So one day my mom told me the truth and it was like hearing it all over again. I will never forget the day a little 6 year olds heart was broken and torn to pieces, all because he thought he wasn't good enough. I will always miss him! and a piece of me will always be gone, I miss you daddy:') You will always be my hero!<3

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  • by Elizabeth
  • Nov 2012

I am 13!!! I am about as strong inside that I can be!! Except for that one piece of my heart that belonged to my Dad!! He committed suicide when I was just 9! He was still Daddy! I didn't know how to get through life. It was hard. And tidy without him it is just as hard. I don't have that shoulder to cry on! That man in my life!! <3 RIP Daddy

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  • by Sierra, Connecticut
  • Oct 2012

My dad hung himself three years ago when I was ten. For the first year I was in a daze, then the next year I missed all of that year of school I was so depressed. I miss him every day, though some days I am very angry with him on his choice. I had a good relationship with him, which in some ways makes it harder. Not that it is ever easy, but I was ten and daddy's little girl. Sometimes its not even that fact he did it but all the things he will never get to help me with. He can never be the dad that scares my boyfriend, walk me down the aisle or meet my kids some day. It makes me sad to even think about it let alone when the time actually comes for those kinds of things to happen. I wish he was here, and this poem reminded me of it. Beautiful work.

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  • by Lisa, Mississippi
  • Jul 2012

Thank you for sharing this poem. My mama died of cancer October, 2010 and this past April, 3 days after Easter my 2 year old son's daddy committed suicide. I thank God everyday for the time we had with him and for giving me a piece of him to watch grow up. Every time he smiles I see his daddy smiling back at me. He's the spiting image of his daddy!! I'm 31 years old and never thought my youngest son and I would lose a parent 18 months apart even though they both died of different causes. My son often points towards Heaven and says daddy. I pray for all those who are going through the same loss and just know we've got special guardian angels watching over us!

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  • by RB, Northern VA
  • Jul 2012

It will be 2 weeks on Friday that my father took his own life, it was sudden but he was depressed his whole life. I talked to him the night before and thought everything was fine. I always have said ''love you'' to my dad at the end of each phone call so at least those were my last words to him. I'm 37 yrs old and I have been trying so hard to help him for the last 5 years. This loss is almost unbearable, I love him so much, he was my everything and I wish I would have told him more. I hope he's OK.

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  • by Sacramento, Ca
  • Jun 2012

I too lost my father eleven years ago to suicide. Although he and I were cordial I regret not having a better relationship but, neither did anyone else. I have suffered greatly, even felt blame. He tricked me into opening his floor safe where his gun lived for years. He was ill physically as well as mentally, of course a real man can't deal with losing his manhood to some cancer. He was a strong hard working man, a great father and grandfather. I miss him still today. On his deathbed I thanked him for everything but, I also asked for his forgiveness for any hurt me or my siblings put upon him. I even forgave him for taking his life because somehow I understood. But, I may focus forever on the way he died and have to live on knowing I WILL NEVER KNOW WHY.

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  • by Cheyenne
  • May 2012

My father hung himself on May 14, 2008. I was 12 now I'm 15. I miss him dearly, but I know he isn't suffering anymore. This poem touched my heart.

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  • by Nashe Kay
  • Feb 2012

It's been a month and 6 days since my dad took his own life in our home.. This is such an amazing poem, thank you because it's helping get through my own anger and pain.. 1st of Jan will never be the same again... Thank you to those sharing their stories because now I know I am not the only one. My prayers are with you all

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  • by Mariah Griesinger
  • Jan 2012

My dad committed suicide when I was 13. I am now 15. I think this poem is the most moving, that I have read. It reminds me of what I was thinking.

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  • by Stephanie Secatero
  • Nov 2011

One day my dad comes home a little drunk. My mom and dad start yelling at each other. Me and my sister are the only two home with them. I was only 6 at the time and my sister is only 3 or 4. my dad goes off into the room comes back with his gun. He stands there in the dining and shoots himself. My sister, mom and I are across from him in the kitchen. my mom runs to his side crying. My sister and I cry. We go over to my grandma's house and told them what had happened.. That image can never be erased.

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  • by Brandie Lucas, Lumberton, Tx
  • Sep 2011

This poem touches home for me, My sons father committed suicide February 27, 2011. My son is 7, We had all just spent time with him, we could never really be a family because we had problems, but I always wanted my son to know and love and hear the GOOD things about his daddy! I never wanted him to be feeling the empty feeling! We're trying to go on with life as usual, but I know he is angry, he won't talk much about it, he'll say stuff about Daddy, and has outbursts of anger at times. I have lost a son, to SIDS in 2006, Was just really beginning to except his death and Go on, Then this happened, man God Must think I'm strong! But, seeing my little boy, not really knowing what he's feeling or thinking in that little 7 year old head of his breaks my heart! But, I made a promise, I would go on and raise our son and never let him forget his daddy! I just hope God gives me the Strength to handle all the years we have ahead of us. GOD BLESS EACH & EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!

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  • by Jess, NC
  • Apr 2011

I understand what you are going through my father committed suicide on December 25, 1996 (yes Christmas day) though I was only 3 years old and didn't know what was going on I had a hard time trying to figure it out. I'd go to school through elementary and the teachers would have us make crafts for our "parents" when it came to fathers day I would cry, finally my mother told me to make the "gift" for my grandpa so it's what I began doing all the kids would pick on me and make smart remarks because in 1st grade we had to draw our dads and I drew my grandpa. I miss my dad everyday of my life and they say it get's easier but what they don't tell you is there will always be a hole where his love once was.

I hope things get easier for you.

~Jessa

My mother told me that right before my father''s viewing i had fallen and scraped my knee and when we arrived at the funeral home i told her to "make Daddy kiss it better" so she took me to his coffin and i said "i gotta booboo daddy see?"

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My dad was my hero too. He expected so much out of me. When I was in second grade, he yelled at me for getting a B in math. It's funny how you remember those things...

On New Year's Day, 2001, A State Police officer arrived at my door. The night before, New Year's Eve, 2000, he killed himself. I turned 9 on January 2nd, the day after I found out, and 2 days after it happened. He called me the Wednesday before he did it, and he "said goodbye" without really saying it. He also sent my birthday card early. I still have it because he wrote " I love you, always. -Daddy" There is nothing more priceless than the simple things.

This year marks the ten year anniversary of my dad's death, it's December 30th today, I turn 19 in 3 days.

I pray that you find peace and comfort in that your Daddy loved you, just as mine loved me. I will pray for you.

-Michelle

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  • by Crystal, Alabama
  • Apr 2010

This poem brought tears to my eyes. Today my father would have been 51. H committed suicide at the age of 42. I still miss him dearly. Even though I will never understand why he chose to do what he did, I know he is in a much better place and watching over me. I was only 19 years old when he took his own life. Thank you for writing this poem. It is truly heartfelt. May you find peace one day.

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  • by Destene Walls
  • Feb 2010

I'm only 15 and my dad committed suicide when I was 13. We were angry at each other and my last words to him were "I hate you" and now I regret those words!

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  • by Amber, Ohio
  • Feb 2010

This coming Monday will mark the 10th anniversary of my dad's death. He committed suicide two days before we were going to meet to talk about all our issues and try to patch things up. You see, I was 16, angry and had not talked to him in almost a year. Looking back, I see how silly it was to hate his new wife, but to a teenager, it was serious. Thank you for sharing this poem, it really hit home for me.

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  • by Tensie
  • Nov 2009

My Dad passed away October 19,2009, exactly a month ago tomorrow. My Dad and I had a horrible relationship. The last time we did speak he said "You F*cked up your life and now you come running to me." A month after that I was at work at the hospital when he came in by ambulance and it was like God sent a message through the nurse to me. The nurse looked me dead in my eyes and said, "If there's anything you want to say you need to say it now because he can still hear you. We are about to stop doing CPR so you need to say what you don't want left unsaid."
At this time I gave my Daddy a kiss and told him that I never hated him I always loved him. It kills me every day to think about this because I should have been the bigger person and made everything okay. BUT I didn't and now it's something I have to live with everyday! Don't let this be YOU!!! I love you Daddy and I know you are at peace now... I will see you when I get there!!! RIP

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  • by Rakal Westerman
  • Jul 2009

I lost my dad almost a year ago to suicide. I thought about losing my dad when he was very old but I feel robbed of my time spent with him. It was obvious a shock and it still does not feel real. At times I still wait to hear his voice. For those that knew him, knew a happy man...always smiling and lending a hand. He gave the best advice to anyone, he brightened a room when he entered. My dad will always be my hero...I'm okay and can accept my sadness of such a horrific loss but my sons are the ones I feel so bad for. Their tata loved them so much, even hard to explain it. They will only have memories of those we speak of, he was truly amazing. Daddy I love you sooo much and I don't hate you for leaving us. I don't want you to hurt anymore, rejoice daddy and watch over us. The love I have for you will never change.

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  • by Anonymous
  • Jun 2009

My daddy committed suicide too. I was 16, now 17. I loved him with all my heart and to this day I can't believe he's actually gone. I only went to his house every other weekend but when I was there we were always laughing. If you knew him, you wouldn't see a suicidal man. You would see a man that acts just like Jim Carrey. I miss him more than I ever thought possible and I think about him every second of my life. I need him and I cry myself to sleep most nights. I love you more than you will ever know Daddy.

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