No One Special Just Me

I had nightmares since the age of five
and I hated myself for being alive
I struggled through my primary years
I had to hide to cry my tears
went to primary here and there
I schooled basically everywhere
my mum became my teacher so
another school I had to go
secondary next like a normal girl
but I was living in a messed up world
all my ambitions were out of my sight
and my mind didn't appear to be working right
but I started at the royal school
and my life became kind of cool
in there I made amazing friends
who'd be there for me until the end
but sometimes I got kind of sad
so I became kind of bad
I felt from life I had nothing to gain
and my anger gave me a crave for pain
I  train tracked my arm so it looked like bars
and I was satisfied when I saw the scars
but a solution for me we couldn't find
so the royal got left behind
I started afresh but I didn't fit in
and I bottled all my feelings in
once again I turned to self harm
and I kind of lost who I am
but I told myself I would be strong
I knew I had to carry on
but as I sit here I'm not so sure
if my life ahead I can endure
although I tend to scream and shout
my true feelings do not come out
so I guess now that I'm forced to see
the harsh but true reality
my mother never wanted me
I'm a failure to my family
I don't mean to swear to push or shove
but I've quite forgotten how to love
people just turn me away
don't listen to what I have to say
they think they know what I am about
but one last time I'm crying out
I did things I knew I shouldn't do
I lost myself and my values
so sad and sold I did remain
because respect I could not regain
so now I won't attempt or try
your friendship for me to rebuy
because I brought this upon myself
and for ever more I'll rot in hell