Deadly Memory

Hand shakes silently as I reach for the knob
Pull my hand back, I'm too weak to do it
Turn to walk away before I remember
I'm doing this for me, I'm doing this for you
Close my eyes and count slowly to ten
You taught me this trick to help my panic attacks
Peel my eyes open and glare at the wooden door
Too long this room has terrified me
Too long its given me nightmares
Slowly I reach for the knob again
Twist it as slowly as humanly possible and push
Now I stand in the darkened doorway
Is it just me or did it just get colder?
I reach for the light switch
As soon as I turn on the light, I close my empty eyes
Count to ten again before opening them
See my reflection in the mirror and frown
How long have I looked this sick?
Suddenly my eyes find what I came to see
My breathing quickens as I flash back to that day
When I was ten and opened the bathroom door
And saw you floating there in the red water
Dressed in your pretty little white dress
Now stained red from the water
Kitchen knife covered in dark red on the counter
Snapping back to reality, I realize I'm crying
Stuck here in an empty bathroom six years later
Stuck here wondering what I did wrong
Why I made you unhappy
And what a little girl could've done to have her mom say goodbye