Stronger Than Drugs

Most days I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, I want my mother back.. who is this monster you have become.

I really haven't known who you are for quite a while so I try to act tough and force a fake smile.

You love someone else way more than me, her name is crack cocaine... I don't think she will ever set you free.

She's had you in her hands for about 7 years, you knew from the first hit she's never going to let you out.

But all those years are nothing compared to my agonizing fear... fear of finding you dead, fear of you lying, fear of where you are and why you're not coming home, fear of the anger and hatred you show me when you're high, and fear of having so much faith in you and just being left crying.

You wrote me letters while you were clean, said you were sorry and this time was really it. Many years have passed and it's been nothing but lies.. mom you promised me the sky.

I've felt nothing but heartache, pain, and misery ever since your journey into addiction began, but even that wasn't enough to make me see.. the reality of it was.. it was drugs over me.

All the mind games and endless guilt you've placed on my shoulders... eventually it ended up crushing me like boulders.

No more will I let you choices affect my life. I'm telling you now that I am through with you. I love you too much that you're killing me. This comes from my heart and every word is true.

When you realize crack has finally got you beat... when you can't stay off the streets or out of a cell.. maybe then you'll see crack and drugs lead you one place.. and that's to hell.

I do thank you so much for one thing though, thank you for showing me how important a good mother can be and to never show my children the pain you've showed me.

So today I officially set myself free because I have so much potential and I know there's a stronger woman in me.