Anxiety

Here on my arm lies a mark that I made.
When I was so low, I cut with a blade
To punish my body for being a mess,
Though here is my testament, I must confess...

That seeing these scars left on my arms, legs, and chest
Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest;
I feel guilty inside for leaving this token.
Now I will see and remember that I was so broken.

But seeing these scars helps me see
That I survived so much trauma and now I am free.
So I ask you now to stand with me and fight,
To show all these demons what they're doing is not right.

You won the battle of good versus bad.
You are still alive and are no longer sad.
Here on my arm lies a mark of survival.
I got through my hate and beat my self-rival.

Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain,
Hiding the tears that fall like rain.
Saying I'm fine when I'm anything but.
This ache in my soul rips at my gut.
My skin is on fire; I burn from within.
The calm on my face is an ongoing sin.
The world must stay out; I've built up a wall.
My fragile lie will collapse should it ever fall.
Loneliness consumes me; it eats away the years
Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.
Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask
And care enough to remove it; is that too much to ask?

Get dressed, love.
You're going to be late.
You look at yourself in the mirror,
The one you really hate.

Put it down, love.
It's caused you so much pain.
You're going to do damage.
You don't want to be called insane.

Stand up, love.
Your tears make you weak.
Wipe off that black mascara,
Proof of sadness upon your cheek.

Take your pills, love.
You must try your very best.
Forget about your dizzy spells,
The tightening in your chest.

Chin up, love.
No one can know your thoughts.
You must act like you're happy
While your heart just sits and rots.

Smile a little, love.
Let me see those pearly whites.
No one has to know
What you thought about all those nights.

Breathe for me, love.
Your pain won't be forever.
Take my hand, and I'll take yours.
We'll get through this together.

When you recover, what will you do?
When you recover, will you still be you?
Will you be stronger, will you be new,
When you recover from what you've been through?

Can life get better than it was before?
Will you realize your dreams and improve your score?
Will people still remember your name,
Or will they forget you because they're ashamed?

Life in recovery may not be the same.
The rules may have changed in this brand new game.
You can pick up the pieces and make a new start,
And courage and hope keep you from falling apart.

The world all around you seems different and changed.
Things that once were now seem out of range,
But you can recapture your life and fulfill
The dreams that were lost when you took ill.

The journey to wellness takes time and is long,
And those that get well are exceptionally strong.
For depression can kill, but you have survived.
Your goal to recover has kept you alive.

Now you're recovered, what will you do?
You suffered and conquered and saw it through.
Back from the black and abyss of despair,
It is time to move on; it is time to care.

Tears, tears go away.
Why must you come back almost every day?
You remind me of my pain.
You remind me of my past.
Why can't you go away?
Just let this happiness last.

Tears, tears flowing so fast,
You're telling the story of a child in the past.
She's stuck with the memory of what has just happened,
Praying to God one day she won't be broken.

The bruises, the scars,
The ones that will never heal.
She grew up thinking that's how you need to feel.

This little girl,
Not sure about life,
Cut after cut
Then took her life.

Tears, tears come as she leaves this world
"So young, so happy" for all they know.
Beaten as a child,
Not loved all her life,
Backstabbing friends.

Oh wait that's my life....