STOP Suicide Poem

Feeling Guilt After A Friend's Suicide

A while ago, I had a very strong friendship with a boy. He had a rough time at home. I knew that he was probably depressed, and I helped him through that, I guess. Until one day came, and for the last few days actually, he hadn't been himself. I asked him, and I thought he could be suicidal. He said everything was fine, but I knew. I didn't say anything to anyone. Now that I think about it, there were so many people I could have told. I don't think he'll forgive me, even now that he's gone.

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Don't Forgive Me

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Published: October 2017

He looked me in the eyes.
The last thing I heard him say,
Under what seemed to be sunny skies,
But turned out to be quite gray,

"Sometimes I think that life is not
All about our end.
Sometimes I think what really matters
Is how we make our friends."

He gave a smile so clearly fake.
The both of us knew that.
Ignoring it was a mistake.
His tone it was just so flat.

To this day I see him standing.
It haunts me in my dreams.
His eyes, they are demanding
With some unholy scream.

A conflict in his mind,
A war that's to and fro.
The clash was one of a kind.
Did he want me to stay or go?

He wanted me to tell someone,
Although he told me not to.
It's what I should have done,
But I did not look through.

I didn't see him falling
Before it all took place.
I didn't hear him calling
My name out, blessed with grace,

Only then I saw the hands
That to me were outstretched.
Only then I saw that his commands
Were really quite far-fetched.

You ask if I live with guilt.
The answer there is yes.
I am more or less rebuilt.
I just wish I had confessed.

So what if he would hate me?
At least he'd be alive.
I don't care if he'd agree,
As long as he survived.

I want him to forgive me.
I want him to forget,
But even if he does forgive me,
I haven't forgiven myself, not yet.

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