Teen Mental Illness Poem

Hitting Herself

It started as a way to release my emotions, a few nights I started telling myself that I needed to do it more often, that I needed to do it every night, as the punishment I deserved, for being imperfect, for never being good enough, for being myself

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Dearest Routine

© more by Joanna

Published: January 2012

I feel lost
It has become a routine
At night, in a dark, small room, a scared girl is struggling with her own emotions
Dealing with her own fears
Her own imperfections
She gets up, does what she's told
She exercises until she collapses
Then she proceeds to hit herself as hard as she can as a punishment
The punishment she deserves
For not being good enough
For not exercising enough
For being too damn weak
For being herself
Bruises are never made
And that just makes her feel worse
Because she know she's not strong enough
Because she know she can't even hurt herself when she wants to
Because she has failed once again
Just like always
She tries to sleep, but the flashbacks keep coming
They don't let her sleep
They won't let her sleep
She needs sleep
But once she closes her eyes, it all starts again
Just another way to punish herself
And the worst part?
She knows too damn well she deserves it


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