Divorce Poem

Poem About How Divorce Feels As A Dad Looking In

I had a childhood of being abused emotionally and physically. I met my first love at age 17, and we were together for 20 years, married and have two children (14 year boy, 7 year girl) and to actually have a loving family was all I ever wanted. Then it ended, and making the decision I had to leave the home for them was the biggest sacrifice and hardest thing I have ever endured. I became what I call a spectator dad - still visit and see them but outside the family. Hope this poem helps explain what I feel.

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This is amazing! Wow, what a gift. In divorce there is always two sides and I'm grateful that you have shown me the other side. It's so difficult to ever understand what the other person is...

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Spectator Dad

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Published: April 2014

Life is hollow, a hole, dark and empty it seems.
Expelled, cast out from the family that meant all to me.
Feeling sorrow and heartache for my children am I
And the loss of my wife, the first love of my life.
There's no place like home, a family to have,
Was the only dream I held onto when growing up sad. 
From my childhood, where I was beaten and bruised,
Both physically and emotionally I managed to wade through.
Fighting back, surviving, facing up to it all,
One lifelong battle to put a distance from it all.
But divorce is one fight I thought I would never see,
One fight too many for the little soldier in me.
I'm flat, destroyed, no fight left inside,
I give up on it all, finally defeated am I.
Looking in, from the outside, where I am right now,
This is the deepest scar and wound I will ever have now.
Leave home for the best, move away, get out,
I don't want you in my life, shouted at me by my wife.
Alone in my head, isolated I am,
Family trying to help but just don't understand.
Unconditional love I have for my kids,
Being apart from them is why I don't want to live.
No cuddles, no hugs, no laughter, no fun,
No kiss goodnight for my daughter or son.
Hurts living close, as they feel so far away,
Just out of reach and nothing I can say.
I struggle to cope, I mourn like they're dead,
When I get to see them the pain deepens in my head.
Wishing to die, wishing not to live,
I only hold onto the love that they give.
They love me for being just dad,
No other expectation or hidden agendas to be had.
I still dream of a world without me being here,
One that would spare me the pain and all of the tears.
Selfish maybe! or just I love too much,
But to be a spectator dad, looking in from the cusp,
Is more painful a place than any abuse I have had.

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Has this poem touched you? Share your story!

This is amazing! Wow, what a gift. In divorce there is always two sides and I'm grateful that you have shown me the other side. It's so difficult to ever understand what the other person is feeling because often their actions don't line up at all with their hearts. Pain shows up in anger and so on.
Maybe you would enjoy my poems on here called "A Broken Family Tree" and also "Healing A Broken Family Tree". Please keep on Keeping on, your KIDS NEED YOU! I know, my brother took his life in May 2013 and his kids suffer daily as well as all of us. Believe, have HOPE! GOD CAN AND WILL MAKE ALL THINGS NEW! Just ask him.

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