Miscarriage Poems - Page 2

Two faint lines,
A few days late.
Excitement is an understatement,
Couldn't wait to save the date.

A new little life
Growing inside of me.
The mind began to wonder
With all possibilities.

A true gift from God,
A blessing from above.
Mummy and Daddy smiled.
You'd be safe with all our love.

My tummy kept on growing,
I was convinced there was maybe two,
But either way, I didn't mind;
I just couldn't wait to meet you.

So we booked an early scan
To see out little bean,
But you were smaller than expected.
No heartbeat could be seen.

We cried and rang the doctors,
Who booked another scan.
They confirmed that there were two of you,
But things weren't going according to plan.

Twin babies in the womb,
One bigger than the other.
Still no heartbeats seen on the screen,
Devastated, lost and lonely mother.

We were told to wait a week
To see if you both progressed,
So patiently we waited,
Truly putting faith to the test.

Of course we prayed to God
To breathe these babies life.
A full week went past in hope.
The next scan revealed more strife.

Both sleeping in the same sac,
Unfortunately neither of you had grown.
But Mummy's body showed no signs.
She never would have known.

A missed miscarriage they say,
An abortion of the womb,
But nothing takes away what's happened,
Our babies gone too soon.

So I cry and weep in sorrow,
Think about what could have been.
So blessed to carry both of you,
Problems couldn't have been foreseen.

For now I grieve in silence.
At night I cry with pain.
You're gone but not forgotten.
My heart will never be the same.

Thank you for choosing us.
We loved your presence within me,
You'll always be our favourite "what ifs."
Love always, Mummy and Daddy.

This is natural, they say.
It is all for the best.
I cannot move past this heartache,
This pain in my chest.

Those days were surreal.
Did this truly just occur?
Happiness turned to sorrow
My life now a blur.

This is natural, they say.
I knew I was going to lose you.
The most difficult emotion.
There was nothing I could do.

I am given no explanation.
This is natural, they say.
Were you pink or were you blue.
My complexion is now grey.

Trying to move on,
A forward step every day.
I will always remember you.
This is natural, they say.

I never knew you existed
I was told you would never be
I found out the hard way
that you were inside of me
I was bleeding and wouldn't stop
the doctor said you were gone
I cry inside every day for you
were you a boy
or were you a girl
I will always love you
even though I never held you
Mommy and Daddy love you still

As the 18th approaches my heart feels a little heavier
I feel energy-less, the thought of you leaves me breathless
I often reminisce about how my life would have been with you, my angel
Was I gonna be a cool mom?
Would you have liked everything I had hoped for you?
Would you be as jolly as I am?
Would you smile as he does?
All these questions are busy eating my soul alive
How is it that at just barely a few days old you have impacted my life the way you have?
Loosing you has sucked the happiness right out of my life,
All I have left is the feeling of guilt, sadness and depression
I never thought it was possible to love another human being like the way I love you
I try with all my might to think about you, but it only makes things worse
You have left a huge place in my heart whereby no one can ever fill
You brought so much happiness into my life
Now that you're gone I feel empty and alive with no particular reason
Mommy...

Why when you can't have something, is it all you can think of?
The mothers to-be with bumps,
Babies in prams,
Toddlers with their smiles and tantrums,
Young children you can at last reason with,
Proud parents beaming at each other - look; we made that!

And me?
No bump.  Not anymore. 
Maybe never.  Hopefully someday.
The hint of one.  Twice now but never fulfilled.
Hopes and dreams stopped in their tracks;
No pram or crib buying for us,
No touching of a bump or the inquisitive questions;
When are you due?  How do you feel?  Boy or girl?

Empty. Lost. Alone. Sad.
Sympathetic friends and family.
No words can be found.
I understand.  I wouldn't have known either.
How can you grieve something that never was?
No breath.  No sound.  No presence.
I grieve the possibility.
The what could have been and what wasn't.
A son?  A daughter?  Who knows? 
My child.

Those smiling parents don't mean to hurt.
What have they gone through to get there?
I hope not much.
A physical pain wouldn't hurt as much as this.
So I smile at them, say the right things,
Coo over their newborns and laugh at their toddlers' antics.
I buy the baby gifts for the mum-to-be friends,
Ask all the questions I long to be asked.
They smile in return; 
But sadly.

Nothing anyone can say.
I and so many others carry the weight around with us.
Will it happen again?
The hope followed by the deep disappointment?
Will I ever be a mother?
I'd be a good mother.
Will I make my partner a father?
He'd be a good father.
All I want.
All I can think of.