Abuse Poems - Page 2

She looked up to you.
I did to.
I told her you were a good role model.
Over and over I did.
Used you as an example as a good man.
Wanted her to follow in your footsteps.
Not knowing what you did to her
There in the dark.
I was so careful to keep her safe.

The truth is out now.
The past can never become undone.
You took something that you can never give back.
The road she was on was already uphill.
You knew the odds
Yet your selfishness took over
I will never understand
No longer try to.
I am too busy.

Now I spend my days trying to put back together pieces.
The pieces you created.
She hurts everyday.
Cries.
Filled with so much pain and sorrow.
Confused.
How could her uncle do that to her.
Scared.
Will she lose the ones that she loves, that love you too.
Angry
She just wants it to go away, not knowing how.

Life goes on for you.
Hers has stopped
Paralyzed in time.
Can't move on
Can't go back.

I never knew the depth of love until I had kids.
I never knew the depth of hate until you did what you did.

Don't believe my words;
they're lies that I fabricate to
project a perfect life and
convince you I'm okay.   
       
Don't trust the smile you see; 
it's a facade to conceal
searing pain, acute shame,
sheer heartache.

Don't get fooled by my laughter;
it is merely an echo
of hollow insides, yearning
for senses to return.

Don't get convinced by my clarity and order;
borne in attempt to
control the chaos   
and pacify the storm brewing inside.

Don't be blinded by
The perfection I exude,
The courage I fake,
The innocence I feign, 
The confidence I wear-
For I am broken.

The hate that I feel inside for you
For all the crappy things you have put them through
With all of your abuse and all of your lies
For every tear that left their eyes
This anger has completely taken over me
Like a fire burning through a tree
Like the waves crashing in the sea
No more will I continue to let this be
I will not let you hurt them anymore
I made that promise to them, I swore
You have done enough to lose their trust
They now look at you with hate and disgust
You have scarred my children for the rest of their lives
I can see just how much every time I look into their eyes
Tell me how it is that you live each and every day
Knowing that you did that and made them this way
Always scared, hurt, sad, and mad
How could you ever call yourself a dad?

Mother is there when I get home from school,
I'm happy there, hyper and playing the fool.
But as I pull on the handle and turn the key,
I feel a sense of dread and fear fill me.
I have a secret, a dark one,
A secret I've never told anyone.
Everyday when I come home,
Mother waits till I'm alone,
Then she'll hit me with a spoon or shoe,
Till I bleed, till I'm black and blue.
Dad left us when I was three,
Since then all she's done is blame it on me.
I'm ugly, stupid, tarty, and fat,
It was my fault he left us, "You hear that you brat?!",
With a duck and a dive, I sometimes manage to swerve,
But I know in the end I'm going to, "Get what I deserve".
Hospital a few times, "I was playing with my brother",
It's one lame excuse after another.
One of these days, I'm going to break free,
One of these days, I'll be truly happy.

But until then I tell no one,
I have a secret,
I'm not telling anyone.

Welcome to my broken home,
There's nobody here, I'm all alone.

The walls they scream of things once said,
They constantly echo in my head.

The door in front it never closes as people never stay,
The hatred and guilt always drives them away.

So welcome to my broken home; I don't have anything to offer you,
No love, no face; I'm out of place and there's not much I can do.

I sit in here and do nothing at all,
But stare at these empty walls.

It portrays the life of hurt and hate,
My destiny, my anguish, my solitaire fate.

It's like a projection screen playing a never-ending show,
It's like it's in slow motion, so painfully slow.

So run now from my broken home, keep the door open as you leave,
Because being trapped in here I still need air to breathe.

Tell now about my broken home of all things heard and said,
Because even as a woman that house still lives in my head.

That little girl trapped inside, well that little girl is me,
Even though I'm older now the horrible thoughts won't let me be.

How are you feeling? What's going through your mind?
Is that dream you're dreaming hurting deep inside?
You wake up hearing yelling, yelling in your room,
You wonder who it is, then you realize it is you.
You thought you were dreaming and you woke up feeling scared,
But the feelings were real and you realized he was in your bed.
You wonder if anyone heard, heard you scream and shout,
But you realize you're alone and no one will help you out,
You're helpless and afraid, just a lonely little girl.
You want to be saved, but shhh, we're not supposed to tell.

He pulls my hair.
He slaps my face.
He kicks me on the floor.

I love him so much,
So I don't have the strength
To walk right out the door.

There's blood on my face.
Everything hurts,
And all I can do is cry.

I made him mad,
So this is what he does.
I wish I knew his reason why.

My heart won't let me leave him,
And it hurts too much to try.

I wonder if this is how my life will be
From now until I die.

He says he's sorry.
He takes me in his arms.
He even starts to cry.

I tell him I forgive him
And that everything is fine.

For now at least because I know
It will happen again in time.

Battered woman,
When are you going to learn?
He doesn't love you.
You're on your own.
The beatings hurt.
The scars ain't gone,
But sooner or later,
Your soul will be torn.
What's it going to take
For you to just leave?
One last hit or until
You can't breathe?
Battered woman,
I know what you're thinking.
It's your fault for what he's doing.
You blame yourself
Over and over again.
You ask yourself
Will this abuse ever end?
He's going to keep doing it.
It's all up to you.
You just have to gain the courage
To move on and start new.
It's not going to be easy.
Take it one day at a time.
The hurt will subside, and you'll finally have
A peace of mind.

He's the hunter of utterance of destruction
He sleeps when I'm awake
I long to hear him whisper
To give my ears a break

His tongue is a loaded gun
Its barrel as cold as ice
And late at night when I am sleeping
His bullets strike me twice

His throat is stuck with reason
As he pulls back on his bow
He listens for a heartbeat
A sound he yearns to know

He's the hunter of utterance of destruction
His target is a life
And when he sees me breathing
He sharpens every knife

His finger's on the trigger
As I'm reaching for a pail
For all my blood to drain into
For to quench him in his hell

He's the hunter of utterance of destruction
In confidence he soars
With every word that's uttered
Through every vein that pours

There's too much information
Too much noise in his brain
Then he digs a grave to put me in
When he sees that I've been slain

He's the hunter of utterance of destruction
His voice is dark and deep
And death is all around him
When his words have gone to sleep

Bet D.  Dec 15, 07

Nine years ago, if you'd have said
I would be where I am now,
I would have laughed and thought you silly.
How could I escape my living hell?

At nine years old my life turned dark,
Until the age of seventeen
I was a victim of sexual abuse.
It was like living a bad dream.

At seventeen I told the police,
Only to be isolated and pushed aside.
I recanted my statement and returned
To a life of secrets and lies.

It didn't scare my abuser off,
Nor did it change how I felt.
It carried on until I was twenty-one
And I got the courage to walk out.

I struggled so much with my mental health
Over the following years.
I went off the rails and hurt myself
While trying to hide my tears.

One night things went horribly wrong
When I drank and everything went black.
I'd thrown myself off a fifteen foot wall,
Hit the floor and broke my back.

As I plummeted to the ground below,
My life flashed before my eyes.
I thought, "This is it. This is the end."
I thought I was ready to die.

Someone was watching over me that night.
For some reason, my life was saved.
Two days later I left the hospital
With nothing more than a back brace.

I fell deeply in love that day
With a man I knew from work.
He held my hand and smiled at me
Even though I probably looked my worst.

He gave me a home and cared for me
As I recovered from my fall.
He took on my past without regret,
Loved my scars, my charms, and flaws.

Two years later, my wish came true
When I gave birth to a baby girl.
She had beautiful, long, dark hair
And a face that changed my world.

Another year on came my baby boy
With blonde curly hair just like me.
His smile lit up my entire life
And made our family complete.

But a dark cloud hung over our heads.
My past wasn't going to die.
I spiralled into a bad depression
That almost claimed my life.

My children gave me incredible strength
As I spoke to the police once again.
Their investigation unearthed
I wasn't his only victim.

Two others have spoken out,
Because I took the brave step to fight.
My own sister is one of the two.
We stand together to do what's right.

I am twenty six years old now
And ready to start a new life
With my two children and fiance
Who will always be by my side.

Don't be scared to do what's best,
Because there is always a way out.
Take it from me, a survivor,
You can do it. I've no doubts!

My life has taken a turn for the good.
I have my children and a loving home.
If your world is dark right now,
Remember to never give up hope.