Abuse Poems - Page 3

As I lay silently, my heartbeat in my ear
The thunder of footsteps ringing in fear
The night is long and the anger strong
I wonder, is this where I belong?
I only want silence so I cover my ears
I rock back and forth and pray he disappears
He pulls out his belt, beats through her screams
Susie will hear you and wake up from her dreams
She cries out to protect me
Not knowing I'm right there
Under the blanket I whimper and stare
The belt hit me too , I'm there
They are wrapped up in violence
They are too blind to see
Their child is hurting and wanting to flee

Yesterday might've gone down in flame
But I remember the nights spent alone
I remember your shame I called my own
I remember you and your twisted games

Yesterday might've gone down in flame
But I remember the days full of pain
I remember the scars and the pouring rain
I remember you and your twisted games

Yesterday might've gone down in flame
But I remember the storm and hurricane
I remember the clouds above my head
I remember the days I used to dread

his belt hung on the wall, 
in the backroom where he victimized me;
as mom tried to stop it
the door slammed shut, click,
the feeling of leather against my skin,
cold sweats running through me
you could hear my cries,
begging him to stop,
like dogs screaming. 

he says he loves me,
but does he? 

his behavior was ugly,
picking me up by my arms,
pinning me against the wall,
in my face,
shouting ugly things. 

hiding in the bedroom corner while weeping in pain?
begging a higher power to make it all go away,
Why me? "I asked"
trying to imagine it all away,
the fighting, the phone calls, 
911
the knock at the door,
the young man in uniform, slender and tall.
the badge on his shirt,
two children clinging to their mom's leg,
not saying a word,
while imagining being saved,
does one deserve to shake?
shake like a creaking broken fence in the wind!

Bodies contaminated, tainted by his sin,
Trapped in cycles, impossible to win.
Forced into silence, bearing heavy weight,
Burdened by shame, consumed by hate.

His secrets, like poison, pollute the mind,
A toxic legacy, leaving souls confined.
A heavy burden, a relentless toll,
Dragging us down, consuming our soul.

Indecent secrets, festering despair,
A forced silence drowning in air.
His selfish poison seeps deep within,
Engulfing darkness, suffocating skin.

His secrets fester, gnaw at the core,
Consuming spirits, leaving them sore.
Forever imprisoned by his deceit,
A constant shadow, a bitter defeat.

I wish to delve into the depths of your mind,
Where mischief lurks and secrets unwind.
What drove you to inflict such pain on me?
In the shadows of your thoughts, what did you see?

Did my cries cause you restless nights,
Constant reminders of unfair fights?
Or did you plot your next twisted game,
Crafting cruelty with no sense of shame?

What whispered temptation lured you in?
What demon helped you embrace the sin?
Did you ever feel remorse for the wounds you caused,
Do you ever acknowledge the life you paused?

Was it a need for power, a craving for control,
Which stole my innocence and scarred my soul?
Or was it the thrill of danger, a twisted thrill,
Which urged you to go against my will?

In your restless nights, do you ever reflect,
On the trust shattered, the lives wrecked?
Or revel in the suffering, as world falls apart,
Finding twisted joy in the pain you impart?

Were my tears a mere inconvenience to your plan,
A minor obstacle for a hollow man?
Or did they stir a flicker of remorse within,
A brief moment of doubt, beginning to set in.

How did you justify the games that you played,
As morality faded and your conscience swayed?
Do you feel the weight of remorse, heavy and true,
For the pain you inflicted, for the anguish you knew?

Questions unanswered, mysteries concealed,
Lives mistreated, forever unhealed.
With every denial, responsibility defied,
Leaving shattered lives in your deceitful stride.

I saw a monster, I promise he was real,
A presence haunting with a touch you could feel.
His footsteps echoed like a beast's heavy tread,
A roar of laughter that filled me with dread.

No piercing yellow eyes, no razor-sharp teeth,
Yet cruelty manifested a silent, sinister beneath.
He wore no fangs, no claws on display.
Yet his actions are a predator's in a more subtle way.

A living nightmare, not confined to tales.
With a grasping hand as sharp as nails.
A figure once gentle, now an expression of rage,
Creating havoc on his abusive rampage.

His words and actions poison the air,
Memories and stories impossible to bear.
His voice like thunder, sharp and cruel,
A monster's tongue is a venomous tool.

A creature unseen, a master of disguise,
My father, a monster with familial ties.
He created nightmares, chased away dreams, 
A horrific man with a monstrous scheme.

Daddy I remember
I remember it all
Everything you did to me
Don't you recall?

Every time you hurt me
Every time you held me tight
A lot of the time I hated it
But sometimes I wouldn't fight

Because sometimes when you held me
It made me feel whole
You put the pieces back together
But that wasn't your role

You lost the right to that
When you changed why you were there
The first time you got in my bed
And started playing with my hair

From that moment I knew
That things would never be the same
But I still get confused sometimes
As to what they became

I knew the way I felt
I knew it wasn't right
How could I love you so much
But still hate you of a night

I am just as to blame as you
Especially early on
Because I let you do that to me
And kept silent for so long

It changed the way I saw you
But to what I'm still not sure
Why did you change things dad
Why did you want more?

Why'd you stop reading me stories
And tucking me in at night
Why did you change things daddy
To something that wasn't right

I hate that I still love you
And that I miss your touch
I feel sick to my stomach
That I wanted you so much

Was it just confusion
Or was I complicit from the start
Even thinking of you now
I feel heavy in my heart

Everything wrapped together
Confusion, love and fear
Trying to navigate through what I feel
But not knowing how to steer

Every time I see you
I'm still overwhelmed with dread
Trying to make sense of everything
That's flowing through my head

I know that I am scared of you
For the times you conflicted pain
But my body doesn't recognise that
And sometimes nor does my brain

I know logically I'm meant to hate you
For what society says is bad
But honestly when I think of you
It just makes me sad

Thinking about how you let me down
When your role was to protect
You were meant to nurture me
And treat me with love and respect

But instead you collected me
Like I was an on going prize
Not stopping to question
The loudness of my cries

Didn't you ever wonder
Why I would plead for you to stop
And say daddy you are hurting me
Every time you got on top

I know that I loved you
But I also knew it was wrong
Even when I tried to stop you
You were always too strong

The first time I told someone
Boy did I pay the price
I still have the marks on my body
From your stern advice

Even to this day daddy
I'm still conflicted on how I feel
Because of the ways you twisted my mind
I still don't know what is real

Is it real that you love me
I'm the one that you adore
Your good little girl daddy
Your property to explore

The one you would never give up
Even if we were apart
You told me you would always find me
You knew where to start

You told me what I meant to you
But it was filled with so much aggression
Tell me daddy was that love to you
Because to me that is obsession