41. Lost At Sea
I will bury my beating heart
Somewhere, deep in the sand
Crabs and seagulls will fight to tear it apart
As my soul is cursed to wander land
I will bury my beating heart
Somewhere, deep in the sand
Crabs and seagulls will fight to tear it apart
As my soul is cursed to wander land
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"I'm tired," I say,
"That's all."
And in a way, I guess it's true.
In every other way,
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Walking into a typhoon,
Swimming against the tide,
That's just how it feels,
When my truth I have to hide.
No words for a state that I cannot express
Like gravity just holds me here in this mess
An invisible force stealing my air
A looming dark cloud and no one's aware
Behind this calm face there is a raging storm,
Like a war in my head since the day I was born.
Behind this smile there is a lonely sad frown,
In our darkest nights and our brightest days,
emotions fill us like tidal waves.
They can drag us down and pull us in,
When you look at me,
What do you see?
I bet if you look deep enough
You would see right through me.
So--this is where we are.
After coming so far,
This is what it's come to.
After all we've been through,
The wind blows
The sun shines
The grass grows
The air smells of pines
Much time I now spend, watching
Watching as others pass by, living
Living their lives
I watch not for care of wanting to know them
No one knows what I feel today
Or that I'm dying inside.
No one knows the pain I'm in,
For it's nothing a smile can't hide.
Have you seen Joy? I have not seen her in so, so long,
I miss her, oh how I miss her and her heartwarming song.
I keep searching and searching and asking why
A silent shadow
stalking me in the night.
The doors are open
but I cannot see the light.
There you are, sneaking upon me!
From the corner of my eye, you make no sound, but I can see!
I ignore you're there, but you grow each day.
I had sight, but the darkness offers me no light.
I had visions, but the darkness suppresses them.
I had self-belief, but the darkness overshadows my confidence.
I had freedom, but the darkness shackles me.
I feel the tears fall as I lay here and cry.
Nobody knows that all my happiness is a lie.
You see, I can't really smile; I haven't in a while.