Tonya R. Zuber

Do you know those drugs
Will never outlast
The tug of war you play
With the pain from your past

You're fighting your battles
On all the wrong levels
And doing street drugs
Won't help to beat that devil

Just because I don't do
Drugs like you do
Doesn't mean I can't understand
The struggles you go through

I don't know what it's like
To battle with addiction everyday
Or how it feels to walk around
Needing to get high all day

What I do know about
Is the Demons you fight
Battling your own self
In your head all night

I know exactly what it's like
To be trapped In your own mind
Stumbling, falling
Running as if you're blind.

Walking through your life
Full of resentment and regret
That always leaves you feeling
So emotionally upset

You have to seek help
With what you're battling inside
Because you can't swim alone
Against your own tide

Your trials your trauma
And all your tears
Will not hold you back
Anymore this year

So be the person
You were meant to be
And do this all
While being completely clean

Say goodbye
To the turmoil and strife
And make this the year
You take back your life!

You're breaking the cycle
Its starts with you today
So with that power
This I want you to say

I am a cycle breaker
The trauma ends with me
I will not inflict the pain
That was once inflicted on me

Because I have the patience
And a love that is Devine
I will show my children a world
That was much different than mine

They will not grow up
In horrible disarray
Because I am a survivor
Who will pave a better way

I will live my life to fullest
I will not just survive
I will live it with such passion
That my children and I will thrive

That generational trauma
I will completely destroy
As I raise my children
In an abundance of love and joy

I will let go of the past
I will set my soul free
I will release the hurt and pain
That has had ahold on me

I will heal myself
I will be the change
A better and brighter future
I will get in exchange

I will be the difference maker
I've always needed to see
I will be the cycle breaker
It began but ends with me

The tormenting silent
Mental battles I fight,
Leave me awake and sleepless
All through the night.

When the morning comes
I throw on my fake smile,
Hide my tears
And go the extra mile.

Just to pretend
at least for that day,
That I am alright
And everything is ok.

But deep down inside
I'm emotional, and stressed
Lonely, sad,
Hopeless, and depressed.

I feel needy, strange,
different, and weird.
All these feelings
I thought disappeared.

Are filling and swirling
Again in my head.
Leaving me sick to my stomach,
And at times full of dread.

I hate being a prisoner
Of my own perspective,
Feeling lousy, worthless,
And completely defective.

So I'm writing this poem
So I can confide.
And share all these feelings
I'm trying to hide!

I don't want to pretend
Not for another day
That I am fine
When I'm not ok.

I have a friendly message
I'd love to share with you.
And It might even help
to comfort you too.

Can you See with your heart,
and listen with your eyes?
This is how you see now
after a loved one dies.

I know it can be hard,
when you are grieving.
But you have to be open
and capable of receiving.

Your loved ones send you,
signs of love everyday.
Left to be Interpreted
in your own special way.

Pay attention to numbers
that are constantly repeating.
It's really a message
with a positive meaning.

When you go through pictures
look past all the noise.
You might be surprised
to find a loved one is poised.

Let them talk to you
through their favorite colors.
Maybe at that very moment
you're thinking of each other.

When you smell their sweet scent
around the room and in the air.
That's just so you know
that their currently near.

And when a butterfly lands
on your fingertips.
A kiss from the heavens
Is what they call it.

For those few brief moments
you'll feel chillingly close.
To the loved ones your heart
truly misses the most.

Remember your loved ones
are with you everyday.
Reaching out and talking
just in a different way.

I know some of you say
these things can be deceiving.
But where's the real harm
In one truly believing?

Guess what just happened
even if none of its true.
I created a beautiful poem
To help grieving hearts get through.