Mental Illness Poems - Page 2

Take a step back,
Learn how to breathe.
Take a step back
And just be.
Observe in silence.
Take things in.
Despite what's goes on,
Trust what's within.

When you recover, what will you do?
When you recover, will you still be you?
Will you be stronger, will you be new,
When you recover from what you've been through?

Can life get better than it was before?
Will you realize your dreams and improve your score?
Will people still remember your name,
Or will they forget you because they're ashamed?

Life in recovery may not be the same.
The rules may have changed in this brand new game.
You can pick up the pieces and make a new start,
And courage and hope keep you from falling apart.

The world all around you seems different and changed.
Things that once were now seem out of range,
But you can recapture your life and fulfill
The dreams that were lost when you took ill.

The journey to wellness takes time and is long,
And those that get well are exceptionally strong.
For depression can kill, but you have survived.
Your goal to recover has kept you alive.

Now you're recovered, what will you do?
You suffered and conquered and saw it through.
Back from the black and abyss of despair,
It is time to move on; it is time to care.

Brian and I were polar opposites; he was loud and wild while I was more quiet and tame.
Despite our differences, both family and friends said we often looked and acted exactly the same.

I never understood it. My skin was unremarkable, nothing more than the average bruise.
Parts of Brian were mutilated. Years later he covered half his upper body with tattoos.

We were friends as long as we could remember. We were both trapped in a world we viewed as a prison.
We even grew to like the same type of girls. In our twenties we even dated two of the same women.

Brian and I met in Queens in the 1980s, both turned 21 in Ohio and toasted with our first beers.
I stayed in Ohio while Brian moved back to New Jersey for a number of years.

I had a normal life filled with normal experiences, Brian was much different.
I always made the attempt to be social, whereas Brian preferred to stay distant.

He introduced me to this little schizophrenic girl. He said she represents what he didn't think was real.
It was a few days after, he called me telling me he had become too numb to feel.

I gave Brian advice. I told him to move back to Jersey because you can't achieve what you don't try.
Brian did. When he came back, he told me when you lose the ability to feel you lose the ability to cry.

I lived a pretty normal life. I eventually found peace, although it took a while.
Brian only saw pain. He said the top of his cheeks hurt when he used to try to smile.

Even Brian didn't know when things changed, but he knew when his health went downhill.
The medication caused weight gain and disease. In the psychiatric world, hope is in the form of a pill.

I started to see Brian a lot more. Unforeseen stress changed his personality drastically.
I even started to see Brian different. It's as if he lived in a different galaxy.

Brian's mood swings became unbearable. He lost all but a few friends.
Brian can't see his own problems, but I assured him I'll be here til the end.

I often wonder what changed in him that made him change.
Was he made this way by a person, or is part of his brain just deranged?

I see scenarios where Brian would be happy. Why can't he?
There really is hope outside of those pills. Why can't he see?

Brian's tattoos started to reflect themes of distrust and betrayal.
Brian said he'd talk about his wanting to die more often, but he didn't want to seem ungrateful.

I knew human beings had good in them. Brian knew they did not.
I want to help people. Brian wants to watch your lying corpse rot.

I told Brian these doctors mean it when they swear to do no harm.
Brian said, "That ignorance is why I stabbed you in the arm."

Neither one of us could agree, because neither one of us could see
That there never was a "we," that I was Brian, and Brian was me.

I'm feeling broken down, my body aches
My heart, it bleeds from past mistakes
Can't stop the tears; they fall like rain
The words are spinning 'round my brain
So scared and feeling so alone
The coldness fills my every bone
No food, no sleep, can't think at all
Each way I turn, another wall
This darkness haunts my very soul
My world seems dead; I've lost control
The only weapon is my pen
Depression has moved in again

I cry alone
But dance in crowds
I whisper truth
But lie out loud

I hide my hope
But make believe
I dare to dream
But daren’t achieve

I lose my smile
But play at bliss
I take my aim
But often miss

I walk so weak
But fake my force
I proudly speak
But hear remorse

I scream inside
But battle brave
I delve down deep
But I’m not saved

I cry alone
But dance in crowds
I whisper truth
But lie out loud

No words can describe what I feel when I look at you.
The glory of your smile brings light to this place.
So simple yet so impossible to understand.
Every move you make is taken in with grace.

How could someone not want you in their life?
Like you were sent from a movie scene.
How could they just throw it all away,
Not thinking of what that could mean?

Your eyes capture mine in a second to spare.
I absorb your innocence that is ever so new.
I get lost in your soul so freely unveiled
As you gaze at me with your baby blues.

An unsettling feeling resides in my head,
One that I've been trying to forget.
A little version of myself walking around;
I guess I haven't gotten used to that yet.

I'm afraid you'll turn into me one day in the future. 
That's a risk I can't afford to gamble on.
I want you to have a fair chance from the start.
I wish for you to paint a picture not already drawn.

But then I think about the love I'd share,
The good, the bad, and everything between.
I would show you this life's possibilities.
Maybe it could be different if I hadn't seen...

Your baby blues staring back to me,
Making my choice appear to be clear.
But that feeling still shakes my bones.
The only time it stops is when I hold you near.

Questions bounce back and forth in my brain.
Do you deserve this life or are the stakes too high?
Consequently my fear could turn into reality,
But who would I be if I could never even try?

I just have to look in those baby blues
And all my worries will fade into the night.
You have all the answers in your heart.
I'm trusting you that it's gonna be all right.

It's something to be cherished:
The joy you bring to this world everyday.
Run my fingers through your thin hair.
Listen closely so you can hear me say,

"Baby blue eyes,
You light up the skies.
I don't think you realize,
But you are everything and anything."

Another option I would choose
If it weren't for your baby blues.

I hear them there every day.
Why will they not go away?
They tell me that I'll be betrayed.
Will it really be that way?

They fill my brain with thoughts and doubts.
Will I ever make it out
Of the hell that I am in?
I don't think I'll ever win.

I'm sure they've taken over me.
The voices make me want to flee.
They make me want to cry inside,
but I know that I can't hide.

It's not an addiction,
Really it's not.
But that mirror,
It's a source of affliction.

Not long ago,
I could look in that mirror
And see nothing wrong at all,
But now I've got nothing to show.

The pressure to be perfect,
It tears away at my body.
At first it looked like nothing,
But it had a side effect.

I wanted to be one of them,
One of those girls everyone envied.
But the price to pay was my body,
Not a small pretty diamond gem.

It was never enough,
No matter what I did.
The skipped meals
Turned my image rough.

But will it ever be worth it?
I stare and ask myself.
My image in the mirror,
Kept begging just to quit.

It became a nightly thing,
Standing on that scale.
And I was pleased to see
That the pounds kept dropping.

My hair was starting to thin.
My bones began to show.
Everything was different.
The desire was starting to win.

The pain I was putting myself through,
The constant suffering,
Everything was just a blur,
But nobody ever knew.

I don't starve anymore,
But I could if I tried.
It was a part of my life,
Now just a closed door.

It's not an addiction,
Really, it's not.
But that mirror,
It's a source of affliction.

She is skillful at deceiving.
No one even has a clue.
Her pretty words are weaving
Throughout the souls of me and you,
But in the late parts of the evening,
When her mind is way past due,
The skin of hers starts bleeding
And her act becomes askew.
Her eyes are actually pleading,
Saying her words aren't always true,
And her heart is really needing
Life to begin anew.
So if at night you see her sneaking,
Hold her till the morning's hue,
Because her heart is barely beating,
And she doesn't know if she'll make it through.

Never knowing,
Always seeking
happiness and approval,
even the words I am speaking.

Constantly doubting
my choices, my actions.
Succumbing to fixes,
for temporary satisfaction.

Overwhelming anxiety,
illuminated by fear,
controlling my life.
Who I'm becoming is unclear.

Deep inside her mind,
Behind a picture-perfect smile,
Lies a desolate, lonely place
She hasn't visited for a while.

A place of worst nightmares
Where her demons lie in wait.
Their armour made of trauma,
memories she cannot shake.

Last time she was trapped there,
Equipped with razors and a knife,
She overdosed on tablets
And almost took her life.

For in this place there is no daylight,
And all her hope is gone.
Her eyes blind to any joy,
Even her own daughter and little son.

Nobody knows her struggles.
If only they would ask.
She didn't have to fight this alone
And hide behind a mask.

But she found the strength to leave
And journey onto the path to light,
Finding her hope along the way
While she regained her sight.

And it's sad, for she had done well
She had already made it so far.
Months with no self-injury.
Her cuts reduced to scars.

The clouds began to darken.
Harsh words pushing her back.
The light and hope began to dim
As she went backwards along the path.

And she tried so hard to fight,
To keep going forward, not back,
But the harsh words kept coming
As she put back on her mask.

Her fear began to return
As that dark place came into sight.
Her strength weakened by the day.
She was once again losing her fight.

And she didn't know how to stop it.
Her energy plummeted to the ground.
She screamed and shouted for help,
But nobody heard a sound.

She's now on the edge of the dark,
Again holding the razors and knife.
Please, someone help her; she's scared.
She doesn't want to lose her life.

The despair that holds her back tugs on her heartstrings
But like a puppet she will obediently play along

She was once optimistic and filled with joy
But that way of life soon came to an end
Her mind was used as a distorted decoy
The distraction that consumed her entire world

She wanted something to change
It didn't matter if that were good or bad
She wished she could take a stand
And sometimes imagined that she had

Under the influence of a higher strength
She patiently waited untouched
Looking to anyone for the answers
With the piece of hope that she clutched

Was she weak or a diamond in the ruff?
Passing her by without looking twice
She knew this life would be tough
But she never got to roll the dice

Succumbed to her controller, she falls short
This won't be her last match
The strength she's building inside will be enough
To make that final catch

The thin, torn strings are starting to break
Soon the puppet will be free of the ache

If one day, I could have a helium balloon,
And be carried away with just one little bloom,
The petals sweep around me, light enough to fly,
So little to eat, surprised I did not die,

Golden dreams are made of these,
Glory to the small and frail,
Light as a feather, thin as a rail.
Light as a feather, thin as a rail.

A hallucination of mine to fly,
To be carried off with a sunset lullaby,
Just imagination I fear,
Thinner and closer every year,

Until I blow away with the breeze,
I wonder who would follow me,
A girl swept so serene,
A beautiful dream,

Golden dreams are made of these,
Glory to the small and frail,
Light as a feather, thin as a rail.
Light as a feather, thin as a rail.