Depression Poem

For all those who are suffering with depression

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I have been struggling with depression for a while now. Ever since I realized my father had a drug addiction, it has only gotten worst. I take medication when I wake up, and before I fall …

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© Debbie Leads more by Debbie Leads

Published: Dec 2007

Struggling With Depression And Suicide

Struggling with Depression & Suicide - A Personal Perspective
By Debbie Leads 8/10/03

Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear 'normal'
In some sort of way.

It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn't be here now
If guilt would leave me be

I know there's been many
Who've had it worse than I
But that doesn't always mean
That I wouldn't say good-bye

People say I have a lot going for me
I'm sorry, but I just can't see
I can't see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.

Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency
I'm nothing if I'm not up or down
I'm nothing if just 'me.'

Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead.

Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It's hard to focus on the poor.

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It's hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.

I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can't do anything right.
This is how I've felt my whole dang life
It didn't just start last night.

No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to 'sit tight.'

Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.

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Has this poem touched you? Share Your Story
  • by Alyssa, Canada
  • 12/8/2014

I have been struggling with depression for a while now. Ever since I realized my father had a drug addiction, it has only gotten worst. I take medication when I wake up, and before I fall asleep. I was recently rushed to the hospital for getting ten stitches on my wrist, and was almost again taken to a psych ward ( I have been in one multiple times) and always feel as if today is the last day. Todays the day I'm going to end it. But I never do. Depression is a feeling I, myself cannot explain, but after reading this poem, I've seen my disorder brought out into words. It almost give a small sense of clarity. I am currently of my teenage years, and hoping to one day be a brighter person altogether, but that day seems to never arrive to my sight. I'm already aware that other people have my disorder, but I always think in my head that their case is not the same at all. They don't survive the same way, they even seem to cope with it better than me, which is always an anxiety booster ( knowing you're the one kid who hasn't figured it out). One day I want to be a tattoo artist, but my skills are not improving much which always worries me about if I have any future at all. I don't do good with much else. I'm kind of stupid that way. But yea, just thought why not share my story? I hope all the other depressed ones fine their clarity in life and are able to move up in this world, and look back one day and say " yes, I did survive my depression ", and to live their life fearless and optimistically. Hope I didn't bore you. Have a good day to whoever see's this :*

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  • by Charley Allen, Stamford, Ct
  • 11/24/2014

I know how you feel. I have the exact same problem. I'm always sad but I try to hide it because I don't want my parents to know how sad and lost I am. It started a year ago and it has gotten worse. This poem gave me the feeling that someone could actually understand what I'm going though.

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  • by Ladybug, Turkey
  • 11/5/2014

I lost four of my siblings one after an other. I remember crying in the morgue and trying to reach my dead brother's feet to kiss him goodbye (I was 7 then). A year later my baby sister was born. She was 3, 5 years old when I caused her death while trying to save her in a flashflood. I had to make a choice, either both of us were going to die, or I could survive. I was so so scared of death that I let her hand go....I was 12 then.
Three years later my eldest brother died at a car crash at the age of 25. My very good school grades dropped drastically after the death of my baby sister. I used to speak to her, would always sit alone at a table in class cause I thought that her soul would be with me. I would put paper and crayons for her and always put a plate for her too when I ate, then I added an other one for brother too. This went on for a while but somehow I "got over it" I thought. With a devil like father at home, always beating and fighting us, until I married with 19 just to get out of that hell we called "home". My marriage failed. With one daughter, started working and shortly after that my depressions started. Actually I became obsessed with death. I sacred to death that I will die or someone I love. Every little physical pain drives me crazy, I think the worst! Cancer, becoming terminally ill etc. I can't go to the doctors because I panic like crazy! Sometimes these panicky attacks wont leave for days! All I feel is "I am going to die, I am going to die". I got treated for a long time was even hospitalized. Just felt a little better and had some "hope" growing in my heart, my 36 year old sister died of cancer. Since then I have been on several drugs for the past 15 years. But I feel like they don't help anymore. I am going down! Living in a terrible fear, panic attack! Cant take it anymore!

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  • by Tabitha, GA
  • 10/6/2014

Thank you so much for sharing your poem. This is how I feel everyday and have for the last 20 years. Maybe longer... It is really nice to read all the stories people have shared over your beautiful poem. Makes me feel less alone. Thank you.

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  • by Kmo, Virginia
  • 9/23/2014

This poem explains my life. I''ve been fighting a severe case of major depression disorder since I was ten years old. I'm now 16 and it's only worse. I'm not entirely surprised I have depression with the rest of my life the way it is. The medicine for my Asperger's, anxious and ADD always ends with a drop. They keep giving me higher doses because my metabolism is scary high but it always results in a extreme emotional drop at the same damn time. Anti-depressants always make things worse...that goes for any type of pills. I've never had many friends and I always fear that everyone hates me. That's why I've always tried to be nice to everyone, not because I'm a good person, but out of fear of being harassed and hated again. I'm constantly remind about the debt we owe and my mom gets so stressed that she puts the work of weary counseling and communication to my unemployed dad. Don't get me started on my "super helpful" brat of a little sister. The stressed and emptiness was overwhelming. First, I stopped exorcising, then talking to my friends, then sleeping, then eating, then talking, then walking.... I started to cut myself with my shower razor on my upper highs so I don't have many scars and no one ever found out. I tried jumping (not off a bridge) once but stopped myself from hitting my head on the last second with my arm and now I have an ugly scar. No one knows that I have done this. If my parents knew, they'd break. They're already walking on a thin line.
I had a boyfriend for a over a year who helped raise me up, but my worst enemy kept stomping me back down. It came back during our last month, when he was avoiding me. Looking back on that...it's most likely why he broke my already broken heart. He'd always say that no, I was beautiful and a wonderful person, but I could never see that. When I look at myself in the mirror, I wish I could say he's right. I just can't see her.

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  • by Reece
  • 8/29/2014

I suffered with depression for 4 years going from primary school to secondary school, I never really had any true friends and the friends I did have would backstab be and bully me, I always got called names due to my weight and I have ADHD which made it a lot harder to make friends.
Every day I would come into school crying and I would try to skip out on lessons due to my bullies being in the lessons, I would also come home crying.
My family life was dwindling as my parents divorced and my Dad was in prison for a crime that wasn't his fault, also I had to see a physiotherapist which bullies used to think it was exercises for my obesity.
As an underdog I would get pushed to the ground, hopeless as I didn't have any friends that I could depend on, I was alone.
I also started self harming as I thought it was a good idea to stop the pain from getting to me but it just made it worse, it increased my depression and started making me doubt my life and my existence.
It effected my school life and education and still today I get flashbacks that remind me of my past, I felt so lonely and without anyone I could talk to, my mum would ask me what was wrong and I'd just stay in my room and sleep, trying to get a day off school just so I could have a rest from the bullying.
To this day, I still have memories and my depression still comes back to lower my mood, depression isn't a thing that just goes after the sad part of your life is finished, it stays and comes back on you when you cannot help it.
Even though now I have friends that I can tell my story to I like to keep it to myself, as I do not want them to think that I am broken inside when I know I am.

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  • by Skyler, White Cloud Mi
  • 5/22/2014

I suffer with depression. I have had it since I was a little girl. A while back I had gotten depression pills but I never feel like taking them. I've felt this way for such a long time and this poem describes exactly how I feel. Life is just getting harder and harder for me.

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  • by De'Nay, USA
  • Dec 2013

I want you to do me a favor. I want you to close your eyes and imagine me. You average all around American girl. Now I want you to go a little deeper imagine a hopeless little girl a 2nd grader loosing her virginity to a nasty old dirt bag because of the negligence from a mother. Imagine being raped on a school bus on your way to school over and over and over again. Repeatedly asking myself why why me? I never quite understood. Imagine this little girl being treated like crap from her own family. Grandmother wishing she wasn't born, saying all these horrible things about her. Parents treating you like you asked to be here. This life this is very hard. I've tired to commit suicide to the point where I can no longer remember how many times. It kills me to wake up each day knowing my family hates me. I have so much to say

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  • by Anonymous
  • Jun 2013

A beautiful poems, captures how I am feeling perfectly. Depression is something I would not wish on my worst enemies, every day feels a struggle. Thank you for the poem.

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  • by Oneday, Uk
  • Jun 2013

I was diagnosed with depression a year ago but they said I've had it since I was about 8 which was when my mum got together with her now ex, who used to abuse me in all the ways. I'm 16 now and every now and again I stay in bed for the whole day crying. I felt so alone before but now that I know I'm not just weak, things are better. I have a bestfriend who is always there for me, but he's never been through half of the things I have which is why, when I have my days in bed, I look for poems on the internet and this one's one of the best ones I've found. It's really powerful when you really feel like the poem describes. So I just want to say thank you for writing this poem.

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  • by Theresa, Mi
  • Apr 2013

I'm sorry for all of you that have to go through this. I've had depression for yrs. I am 48. My son has it to and I'm scared for him. He keeps making one mistake after another, now he has two children and he and his gf are splitting up. His fault. I've begged him to get on meds, to see someone. He feels he is nothing. He had a bad childhood as a lot of children do. As his Mom I have tried and tried, but he lies to therapists? I don't get it. I'm scared I'm going to lose him. There is hope, there is God, and there are meds that can help you, you have to make yourself do it. Get off the couch the bed whatever and go get help. Your life will be amazing. I truly believe that. You do have purpose and these dark days will pass. Find that support system whether it be family or clubs or groups. There is help out there, it doesn't have to be this way. I just wish he would listen and trust me. Breaks my heart.

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  • by Adrian Lockhart, Milwaukee Wisconsin
  • Mar 2013

Reading this poem made my eyes a lil watery. it reminds me so much of how I feel everyday of my life. I try my hardest everyday to not give in. I tell my self don't listen to the devil I try and keep gods name in my heart.

Thank You

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  • by Brenda, Kentucky
  • Jan 2013

I never go to many websites for I'm hardly ever on the computer. But when I read this poem, every word in it describes me completely! I feel so alone with my depression, nobody understands me so I try to keep it inside. This is the best poem I've ever read that I can totally relate to.

thank you,
Brenda

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  • by Bahamas
  • Oct 2012

This poem actually relates to what I am feeling now at school. I am also a poem and a story writer, but every time I think to myself that suicide is the only way out it gets me in the erg to kill myself. But I won't give up as yet, I will keep my head high no matter what these Inagua idiots say.

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  • by Jacqueline, Michigan
  • Oct 2012

To: Lucy, Oregon

I've tried suicide several times & I never succeeded (for different reasons). I guess we're here for a reason. It took me awhile to get on the right combination of anti-depressants to finally get some relief. Also, and I am not kidding, I rebuke Satan & any unclean spirits whenever I feel even a "hint" of depression coming on. When I first tried this, I had to rebuke maybe 75 times a day, but now I only do it approximately three times a week. It is important to walk with the Lord as well as read your Bible daily. You may feel I am preaching to you, but I once left the Lord because I had given up hope. Today I know that I will never, ever leave Him again.

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  • by Suz, Wa
  • Oct 2012

Your poem has helped me explain to my family and friend how I feel. I have never been able to put it into words without being angry. Thank you for this offering to all of us who quietly suffer, you have given us words to express our feelings.

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  • by Lucy, Oregon
  • Sep 2012

I got depressed after having most of my intestines removed when I was 18. I have to be close to my bathroom all the time. I can't work and have a few friends. I found my best friend dead almost 3 years ago, I did CPR until help arrived but I couldn't save her and neither could they. I keep waiting for my last parent to die. How selfish of me to make my Mom go through my death. Now my sister and I talk a little and I'm worried about doing it to her when my mom goes. I know my life is good compared to others, it doesn't make the depression go away. I've tried to kill myself but it never took. No one knows I tried. I got close to telling a friend, and now I don't hear from her.

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  • by Anderson, SC
  • Jun 2012

I appreciate your posting this. Of course I am not glad you have had to suffer to be able to write this out, but it is certainly helpful to me to know I am not alone and that others struggle through this darkness that wants to take over our minds. Hang in there and I will too. Sunlight helps me a lot, that and fresh air. Baby steps.

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  • by Stephanie, United States
  • Feb 2012

I absolutely love this. I can totally relate. Ever since I was a teen, I've been battling w/ depression. Thank you for the great poem. It makes me feel some comfort in knowing I'm not so alone in these feelings!

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  • by Carin, Missouri
  • Feb 2012

I don't know how any of us go on....I'm 34, diagnosed when I was 20, realized I have had it since a small child. It just seems to get worse and worse to the point that I cannot even hold down a job anymore. I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy....

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  • by G, NY
  • Jan 2012

I''m scared about my sister.

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  • by Alejandra, Nj
  • Dec 2011

This really touched me and I read it twice and the second times reading I just totally broke down crying and it seemed like the tears jus wouldn't stop falling. Thank you

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  • by Amber Marie, Tx
  • Apr 2011

Wow...this poem really hit home for me. When you are struggling with major depression and you want to find a way for people that are close to you to understand how you are feeling...thus poem would do it. I read it to my husband and he said wow.

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  • by Rachel, Ireland
  • Jan 2011

I think this poem is really good and really captures how people with depression feel. I have now had depression for 4 years, since my dad died when I was 13. It broke my heart because my whole family fell apart...
This poem makes me feel, however, that I'm not alone

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  • by Kim, Michigan
  • Oct 2010

I was diagnosed with depression and was the only one in my family who ever had it. I felt so alone. there were so many things I didn't know. so many meds and side effects. I started to freak out. what was I going to do? then I read this poem and I calmed down. I just needed to take things one step at a time.

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  • by Danyelle, Roswell NM
  • Nov 2009

I fell this way ever day I don't know how I can go on day to day, but I do. When I read this poem it gave me hope to be better at doings things and not screwing things up all the time

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