Hands

In desperation I search, trying to find myself I look.
I search and search, for my heart is lost I search.
Too scared to run too scared to move.
Paralyzed by pain and fear I search.
I fight to live as I stager at the pain.
I sit beside me staring at what I see.
I shake my head at what I made me.
I fight to not listen at the pain I created.
The pain I will always see.
As I twitch in emptiness my eyes begin to see.
The more they find the more it hurts.
They look at me as a piece of meat.
Trembling legs, week arms, and scars from defeat.
I fight my self because of what I see.
It's me I'm looking at and me that won’t succeed.
I stare and look, searching for answers, for that I concede.
I shred my self and my sole with my eyes.
They are too strong for me for that I am paralyzed.
I see my hands as the grasper of pain.
They are the retriever of all I have received from me.
As my hands fight back I see.
I am only what I want to be, and I still have a chance to defeat me.