Better Dead

I’m so torn as I sit alone in a lifeless jumble of secret thoughts,
Wanting to end this bitter pain for some relief,
even momentarily.
It won’t subside,
This negative force that breaks my heart and kills my joy.
Feeling sorry with useless tears,
Are nights long gone,
The visceral truth is lain bare.

Fear is the only motivation to carry on this cowardly charade,
Isolation,
The only option not to scare the world.
Not able to grasp at the offer of life,
No longer able to play the optimist.
I will surely sink and wither away,
Perhaps that's the way to go,
Sink into the depths of despair,
Drown in the uselessness of it all.