Dear Mom

Standing in self-hatred,
drowning in my tears.
Looking back on my life,
what I've been through the past 18 years.
Living in my brother's shadow,
everything I do & say,
wishing somehow things would change,
praying for a way.
Same old sh*t just another day,
living this evil life that was created just for me.
Starving for love, affection, & attention,
I know none of this is how it's really supposed to be.
I try to be strong,
even though I feel so weak.
Feel like just giving up,
but I won't accept that level of defeat.
Pretend like I'm always happy,
although I'm never really okay.
Waiting for this pain to end,
that I feel every stupid day.
It's hard to say what's wrong,
when nothings going right.
Hard to keep myself going,
when I've been blinded by sight.
This pain is never ending,
it just goes on & on & on.
It's all so unbelievably real,
I just wish it all was gone.
Trying to pick myself up,
when I've fallen so far and hard.
But I don't know where I'm going,
It's all so very dark.
My heart is weak, my emotions sore,
I do my best to never let it show.
But deep down inside I feel like,
I'm dying & nobody knows.
A lot of f***ed up thoughts,
run through my head constantly.
I just wish I didn't live,
this life of MISERY!

Written by: Katrina Randklev
2007-2008