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Suicide Poem

Why Dad, why did you chose suicide? You left no note.

Why?

© Christina M. Butz
Why Dad,
Why did you chose to die?
You left no note and me with why?
You thought you were doing what was best and right.
Why, oh why, did you have to end the fight?
Your pain is something I will never understand.
You must have been so afraid to take this stand.
You left me with a title I am sad to attain.
Suicide Survivor, but who should I blame?
I know your decision was painful to make.
The thoughts in your head
Must have been unbearable to take.
Now that you're gone, I think of you a lot.
You couldn't have known the suffering this has brought.
I pray you are at peace my Angel, and I am in pain.
I count the minutes to Heaven and seeing you again.

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Published: Feb 2006

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  • This poem so reminds me of what I went through with my dad. I feel exactly the same as you. Suicide is so cruel I rack my brains all the time to find out why???

    vicky bloomfield Submitted Sep 2008
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  • This poem is so touching. I had the same thing occur with my dad. My condolences to the writer of this poem.

    DB Submitted Oct 2008
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  • Loved the poem. It just may have changed my mind about suicide. I am a father of two, one 16 and the other 4. This poem really touched my heart and may have kept me from breaking my daughter's heart.

    David Wright Submitted Dec 2008
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  • I loved this poem .My husband decide to end his life this time last year and left behind 5 beautiful children. Maybe if had known the heartbreak that would trail after he was gone. My children miss him so very much.

    kelly Submitted Feb 2009
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  • I love this poem, it's just the most selfish thing to do.. yet they think they are helping us by taking themselves out of our lives.. they usually feel like failures. This happened to my Dad May 1992 will never get over it... will always endure. Looking forward to see him again

    Jennifer Giermanski Submitted Mar 2009
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  • this remind me of my best friend its not fair that they dont know how much they are loved and will be missed

    dylan Submitted Mar 2009
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  • I know how you feel, my father committed suicide when I was 15 just 2 short months before my 16th birthday. It's very hard for me even now almost 5 years later. I must say that writing poems and songs and things of that nature has helped me quiet a bit.

    Desirea Submitted May 2009
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  • This really touched me. My dad took his life Jan 24, 2009. I just recently mustered up the courage to visit his grave. Not a day goes by that I do not think of him. I know he is in heaven with his mom and dad, and brother who took his life three months prior to my dad. If he only knew the pain my four sisters and I have had to endure. I think of him daily.

    Shawna Submitted May 2009
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  • This poem really brought me to tears. My father overdosed Sept 18th of last year after being sick since '93. He had so many health problems and he always told us he was sick of being sick. I think of him daily. I am almost 21 years old. I am just now starting a family. I am 6 months pregnant and he will never get to hold his grand daughter or he won't be there on my wedding day…

    Jess Submitted Jul 2009
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  • I too can relate to this poem. My dad took his life when I was 15yrs old and I spent YEARS blaming myself. I too am now an adult with a child of 14 years. She is my world and my life. But depression from be it mental, or physical pain or whatever is horrible. I wish I could have helped him but it would have only prolonged it. He is at peace finally and I have to remember him the way I want to - the good times...if you are considering suicide please for your family and loved ones..get help.

    melinda Submitted Sep 2009
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  • Hey. this poem is so lovely. My father took his own life last year and I really miss him each and every day. and time doesn't make the hurt any better. I always swore I would never even attend his funeral but when he was gone and when I finally decided to except that I would never speak or see him again. I felt exactly like your poem. I'm only 16 was 15 when dad died. He didn't leave a suicide note but he told me what he was going to do. he told me and my mum. I miss him each and every day and October 3rd would've been his birthday. but your poem hits the question of why spot on. it's awesome.

    Kristye Submitted Sep 2009
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  • Back January 1, 2008. My cousin Travis passed away. But he didn't just pass away he also took me with him when he went. He committed suicide. When I found out I dropped to my knees and the tears poured from my eyes. It just felt like the life was just sucked right out of me. My heart ached. The pain was like a butcher knife stabbing me in the heart. Oh how it hurt. It hurt so bad. I miss him so much. All I want is for him to be home again with me. I wish he was here to hit me in the hallways at school and say "what's up Shorty". Nobody calls me Shorty anymore because they know that it hurts me. OMG I miss him so bad it's not funny. Travis, if you can hear me I love you and miss you terribly. Well thanks for listening to my story.

    Miranda, Olympia Submitted Jan 2010
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  • April 19, 2009 the saddest day for me to face. I found my boyfriend dead. He committed suicide and still I wished I knew why? It was so difficult for me to accept that he wasn't happy and I didn't know why. He was always so strong and ready for the world. He changed my life made me smile and showed me how to love. All of a sudden in a heart beat he was gone. Sometimes I wonder if they know what pain they have caused. I miss him so much. I hope you know a day doesn't go by that I don't think about you. I miss you truly.

    Martha, California Submitted Feb 2010
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  • This poem really touched me. My father committed suicide exactly a year ago today and it's very difficult for me and my family. He didn't leave a note either. I wish he would have chosen a different path, I miss him so much.

    Jessie, Quebec Submitted Jun 2010
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  • This poem has been the closest I have ever read to being remotely how I feel. My father committed suicide when I was 12 which would be 16 years ago. The hardest thing is to accept why and try to move on as I feel guilty for being happy when I still miss him as much as I did the day he died 16 years ago. I know he was in pain and needed an escape its just so hard living life when you miss someone that much. There is no warning or good bye and all I wanted was to say I love you one last time and hear it from him in return. It has helped reading what everyone on here has written as now I know I'm not alone and others feel exactly the way I do. It's something I will never understand and its a pain that will stay with me all my life. I do my best to remember him the way I need to...happy. Thanks for sharing your stories as its helped me more than you could possibly know.

    Jade Munro Submitted Jul 2010
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  • This poem has me in tears. It is a beautiful poem that says so much. My love and father of my daughter successfully completed his suicide on Jan 25th 2004. It is an event in our lives that has changes us forever. The pain our daughter feels is so much not even I really know all her pain. There was no note there was no warning. Now we do what we can for suicide prevention and awareness through the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention.

    Linda Submitted Jul 2010
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  • This really touched me. My dad took his life May 31 2002. I was only 14. It left us shattered. life seemed to have stopped for me. I loved my dad very much. I remember him everyday in my prayers. Allah forgive Him and accept him in the heavens Amen

    Mahira, Kenya Submitted Sep 2010
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  • This poem is really close to me, my dad took his my dad took his own life shortly after my mother lost her battle with cancer, they were utterly devoted to each other, he was utterly lost without her, part of me understands why he made the choice but I do ask, "what about me, my siblings and my children". I have to believe he only considered his own pain that day, he cant have thought and comprehended how, we left behind would feel, if he had he wouldn't have ended his life, I just hope my mother and father are together again and I will see them again.

    Chris Submitted Dec 2010
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  • My father took his life Jan. 23 2009 there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I just wish that we all know why they had to do it

    Heather Submitted Jan 2011
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  • This hit home real hard. I am a suicide survivor also 2 times now. On may 28, 1994 my dad shot himself and died on the 29th. It was hard to deal with. I was 21. And then again I lost another family member to suicide. November 19, 2008 my big brother committed suicide. This time I went into a hard depression state for awhile. Things are better now but they will never be perfect without them. Thanks for posting this poem.

    Motor, Arkansas Submitted Jun 2011
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  • My father took his life with a gun in April 2010. It has been 18 months since he died and it still feels like yesterday. There are too many unanswered questions, He left no note. It still hurts like the day I found out. Thank you for posting this poem.

    Alan, Massachusetts Submitted Oct 2011
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  • I have in all honesty tried three times to end my life. On each occasion I have failed and woken in ICU. I still have thoughts of doing it again but then I found this poem and all of the comments attached to it. It all bought me to tears. I have a 11 year old daughter who I adore and who adores me. I have a 15 year old son who loves me like I love him. I am not a nut job or a person who would have ever conceived self harm but this year changed all of that. My wife left me after 24 years together and I lost my world with her. I left notes for the kids when I overdosed but reading your letters I don't think the notes would have made any difference to them. It may have explained why but not really. I don't know why your loved ones did what they did but I swear this to you all, it was never about hurting you it was all about stopping the pain that was so unbearable to them. Thank you all so very deeply for giving me perspective on what I hope I will never end up doing again.

    K Rowe Submitted Dec 2011
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  • The father of my twins boys took his life on 9/15/11- two days before their 11th birthday. No note- no warning. It has been so hard. Sometimes it feels like a dream. The poem was really nice to read.

    Jessica, Akron, Ohio Submitted Jan 2012
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  • My dad did this 20+ years ago and still to this day I miss him terribly. His life was falling apart when my mum and him separated and I guess he couldn't deal with it so he took the easy way out as he couldn't deal with the pain and to think about doing something like that is so easy but to do it's harder. I've been there many of times but one thing stops me and that's my 3 beautiful children. I know how it is to grow up with out a parent and I didn't want my ruggies to go thru the same life. It is selfish you never get past something like that but you learn to live with it and my step dad he passed away too by a heart attack not quiet 12 months ago. I only ever knew 2 dads and so don't want another one as the pain you go thru.

    Komitz Submitted Mar 2012
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  • On the Sunday January 22,2012 at 6:30 in the master bedroom of our family home my 76 year old father committed suicide. He shot himself once in the mouth and once in the chest while my 47 year old brother was asleep in the bedroom across the hall and my Mother was sitting down the hall in the family room. My Mother yelled to my brother that she thought my father had shot himself and to wake up and check on him because she has arthritis in her knees. He ran in the where my Father lay in the floor and told him, "he just wanted to die". He immediately called 911. My Father was pronounced dead at 8:30 am. He was an active 76 year old man with no health issues. We are now learning that he may have been suffering silently from depression and possibly may have been bipolar. My life has been turned inside out I struggled to breathe. What was once so easy is now the most difficult thing I know. Thank you for your stories and poems. Sorry for all your losses.

    Jennifer Hairston, Reston,Virginia Submitted May 2012
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  • Lovely poem! Thank you for sharing. It reflects exactly how I'm feeling. My father took his own life 9 weeks ago at the age of 59. He was my best friend. I will forever struggle with the question Why......

    Scarlett, Arkansas Submitted May 2012
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  • My dad took his life Feb 15,2010 I miss him so much it hurts. I did not get to say goodbye to him. Hunters found him hanging from a tree with the back of is head gone. I don't understand why I miss him every day. It's hard if I could only talk to him one more time I still cry myself to sleep. I see him in my dreams and he is in my head all the time I just wish he would have said something to me or told me how he was feeling.

    Wendy Georgia Submitted 7/18/2012
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  • On July 27, 2004 I received the worst news of my life, my dad who was 41 committed suicide. Such a young age and had never met his grandchildren. He now has 2 a boy 5 and a girl 18 months. They would have made him so proud, I see him in them in the way they act or do something.
    If you are thinking of suicide PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get help. We tried many times with my dad, but you have to want to get help. You are not alone and when you leave you leave many many many people here with questions and pain that you will never understand. I love my daddy and wished he could have been able to get help, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him.

    Shannon, Virginia Submitted 7/27/2012
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  • My children's father tried to take his life on July 3, 2012.. for almost 2 days he was in the hospital brain dead. On July 5th he passed away. We have a 4 year old and a now 3 year old that had a birthday just 2 weeks after. This Saturday is his birthday. It has been hell. This poem is beautiful I only wish people could see what hurt they would cause before doing such selfish acts. My kids are struggling. I am struggling. Today it has been 2 months and its still so unreal. Please think about your loved ones. Whether you think its for the best or not most times its not. I wish I could go back and stop him. No one ever thinks how bad someone is doing. It hurts that now my children will grow up without him

    Crystal, Maryland Submitted 9/5/2012
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  • My dad killed himself Jan. 2004 when I was 21 years old. I don't think about his manner of death everyday anymore but I will never get over no badly I miss him. I found this poem when I searched "searching for my dads suicide note" in Bing. My mother said my dad's mother mailed his suicide note to her but she didn't feel like I should see it, and I've been searching for it ever since. I feel like if I just knew why, Even if the why doesn't justify anything I could stop feeling like there is a gaping wound in my chest. I could fill it somehow. I am the proud mother of a 2 year old that he will never meet. I show her his picture, it's healing for me too. I can imagine the kind of love he would have for her. It breaks my heart he never met his first granddaughter. If he would have just waited a few years. If he would have just called me. My life is incomplete without my dad.

    Arwen, Texas Submitted 10/14/2012
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