Husband Death Poem

I wrote this poem a month after my husband Roberto died on February 1, 2004, it is only now that I can look at it without feeling immense pain and want to share it with others who may have had the same lost. Time it takes time.

Love Forever Lost

© Charlene Valladares
Like A ghost I flitter through the night,
keeping to the shadows and abhorring the light.

The night camouflages and no one can see
the shadow of the person that once was me.
The days lays me bare with no where to hide,
this raw pain that I feel inside,

You are no longer of this world,
you inhabit a place of no return,
no matter the tears or how much I yearn.

All I have left is your memories,
cherish it I will do,
but I would give everything I have for one more day with you.

So I will continue on living until the day you come for me and take me away.

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Published: May 2009

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  • I shed many tears reading this poem, but the feeling was so real for me. I would also give all that I owned, money, worldly goods just to have my love back with me for one more day. To say things to him that I forgot to say while he was still with me. He lost his 5 year fight with cancer just a year ago and I miss him more than every.
    Thank you for these words.

    Patricia Bradshaw Submitted Jul 2009
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  • I lost my best friend 4yrs ago in April , I also lost the light of my life , I think of how strong he was in all the years of his battle with this evil disease . he still sends me my pennies from heaven . I think of him each day that goes by. I will be him in the end .

    Rene Winwood Submitted Feb 2010
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  • My husband just died this Monday (May 2, 2011) and the pain is so horrible. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. We have been together two years. He died of a brain tumor that put him into a coma. He went to the hospital early Monday morning and he was gone by Monday evening... I'm in a constant panic and fear. I can only hope the pain will ease

    Emily Rutenbeck Submitted May 2011
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  • This is for Emily, if their is any consolation I can give you is that is to give yourself time, it takes time. Our love one are never gone if we keep them in our hearts. Write him a letter and pour out your heart. Express everything you feel, be it pain, anger, sadness, love. Cry let your sadness out and above all let yourself grieve. Charlene Valladares

    Charlene Valladares Submitted May 2011
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  • I lost my husband 8 months ago I still can't believe it. Everyone tells me to go out find someone and I recently said to my friend when it happens to them I wanna see them say it then. We shared 16 years not always great but still 16 years is a long time we have two children 13 and 7.
    I would like to know when it gets easier. I wish I could say everything I didn't say and take back the bad stuff I said.......

    Kristina Kelly, Philadelphia Submitted Dec 2011
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  • This is also for Emily. I agree with Charlene. I lost my husband suddenly May 19, 2011. It kills me inside that I never got to say goodbye and tell him how much I love and appreciate him. He was only 45. We just had our 5 year wedding anniversary in August. I feel cheated because we didn't have enough time. The shock is wearing off now but I'm hurting more so. The heartache is the painful gut wrenching feeling. A helpless feeling. I keep a journal. I tell him exactly how I'm feeling at that moment. I miss everything about him. I miss the little things that you never really thought were a big deal like the garage door opening. I hate to hear it open now. Maybe a support group might help. I've been going to a place called Good Grief. I talk to a lady one on one and I get it all out. She listens and I feel like she feels my pain and understands. I'm going to try a support group meeting in January. It's for spouses ages 50 and younger.

    Kari Vitori, Pittsburgh Pa Submitted Dec 2011
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  • I lost my husband two weeks ago. I feel like the whole world is spinning and I can not control it. I have chest pains, cry myself to sleep, can't eat...I just wish he was here I miss him so much

    Broken Heart, Virginia Beach Submitted Feb 2012
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  • I just lost my ex a month today due to bladder cancer . I feel like the whole world is spinning and I can not control it. I feel so empty on the inside. We were separated for 3 years and decided to try to work things out and found out in Sept he had bladder cancer. We were together 6 years. He was the love of my life, my everything. I just wish he was here I miss him so much, It kills me inside that I never got to say goodbye and tell him how much I love and appreciate him. I know he knew I loved him as much as I know he loves me. they say it gets easier I don't know how. I feel like I'm missing something and can't find it, they keep telling me to find a hobby, it's not going to take it away .

    Broken Hearted,Macclenny Florida Submitted May 2012
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  • I lost my husband July 3, 2011 due to complications from a stroke. We were together 33 years ( 7 KIDS) all grown, no signs, or warnings and it's been extremely difficult for me, we have never been separated from each other except for illness. I've been living one day at a time, but I feel like my life is over. I miss him so much. It feels like the hours in the day have doubled. I'm still here living for both of us with great memories and the blessing to have met such a wonderful person to share that special time.

    Lorraine Washington, Chicago,Il Submitted Jun 2012
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  • I lost my husband Joe on July 20,2012. He was about to turn 27. Our daughter is 3 years old and we both miss him so much. There are no words to describe the way I feel. I just feel empty. How can my husband, who was my best friend of 15 years be gone. I just don't understand. He left for work that morning and we gave each other kisses goodbye and we talked on his lunch break at 12:30 pm. And by 1 pm he was missing from the job site and wasn't found for 27 hours later. I have so many unanswered questions and my heart is broken. I love you Joe. Watch over kaylee and I.

    Kaila Fehrenbach Submitted Aug 2012
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  • My beloved Husband, Hugo, lost his valiant, brave, difficult battle with pancreatic/liver neuroendocrine cancer on July 29, 2012. It was not a quiet death; it was long, drawn out-and I cannot describe it, but I will say it was as though he said, "If I'm dying, I'm getting rid of this lethal disease and in his own way, with so much struggling in the end, he purged his cancer from him.

    I have been so inconsolable since he passed. I miss him so much that I can't even describe all my feelings: sorrow, emptiness, fear, loneliness. And I want him back; some days, I am ashamed to say this, but I want to go to sleep and not wake up and hope to find him again waiting for me. I can't stand it, and each day gets worse, not better. He did everything for me; he lived for me, and each person he spoke to right after his diagnosis he said, "What about Elisa, I'm so worried what will happen to her if I should die."

    I exist, period. I hide from the day's sun; and at night I am a lost shadow; I cannot sleep, I can't eat, I am physically ill, emotionally ill, and the pain in my heart is crushing me every second. I do not have many people to rely on, and I always had Hugo; we were one; and now, I don't like asking for help, and I need it desperately.

    I feel as though I died with him that night. I still am in shock, and in the first few weeks, I can't pretending he'd rise from the dead, call me and come home. Then I would tell him how much I missed him, and we would be happy again.

    He and I devoted 15 years of our lived to my ill parents--long distance, back and forth; and I kind of put my husband 2nd, though he never minded.

    My Father died, it devastated me; but I still had Mom. She got Alzheimer's, and for 12 years it was agony watching her decline. When she passed, after 5 months, I realized, it's our (my husband's and my turn to start living again.) But no, our turn never came, he was diagnosed and he lived for only 10 months. We thought he'd have more time, every second I prayed, begged God for a miracle. Now, he's gone, and I regret some lost time--he worked hard, long hours, and I was involved being a caregiver. So, our turn never came, no retirement for him, only pain and sickness; all his dreams he had for us to move to a smaller house, get a small boat, fish, and grow old together, NEVER CAME TRUE.

    I'm nothing, and I want to die. I exist like a robot. I am just not going to get over missing him.

    Please pray for him and me. I want to go and be with him. I hope God will understand that and let us join together again. I need him. I hate life without him; nothing has any meaning for me--not my house, nothing. Nothing is the same without Hugo.

    Elisa Submitted Oct 2012
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  • I lost my husband, John, on July 29, 2012. He was 66 years old and we had been married for 42 years. I can only describe this as an extreme loss. An emptiness that nothing can fill. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in June and was gone in a month. Not enough time to even think. Stage 4 and one chemo treatment. He just passed away on a Sunday morning without a good bye. Constant tears and sadness. I try to stay busy but there comes times of quiet and then the thoughts come. I don't ask why and I don't get angry because I know I had him for 42 years and that is what God gave us. I know I will see him again in another life but until I do I will always have an empty place in my heart that nothing can fill. Tears and memories of our sweet life we shared.

    Jane Cullins, Texas Submitted Oct 2012
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  • I lost my Soulmate, the love of my life Nov. 13, 2010. He would come home from work feeling tired, he would go to the Dr. and they would tell him it was just a cold hard to shake, finally he had an MRI, and they called us to come in for the results. This was the middle of June he was to retire the end of June, he had so many plans on what he was going to do in 4 months. After his Dr. visit he passed away, we were told that morning he had inoperable liver cancer, I miss my husband so much. God blessed us with 41 years together. I know he's in a much better place, but I miss him so much, he did so much for me, they gave him 3 to 4 months to live, we would walk around the yard and I'd tell him they don't know, and I would remind him we're going to live till we are 100. Didn't happen he's gone I'm still here but one day we will be reunited, and to this day even though it's been two years, it hasn't been any easier, I miss everything he done for me no one will ever take his place! Pictures and memories I hold in my heart.

    Gloria, Oklahoma Submitted Dec 2012
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  • I unexpectedly lost my husband the love of my life at age 66, on 6/2/13, we were married 24 years. I have yet to remove any of his belongings, I cannot. My heart is so broken, I don't think I'll ever recover. I loved this man with all my heart and life is mere existence now. I'm visiting the kids in a warmer climate this year but I can't imagine going home to an empty house in two weeks. He was always there at the airport. God help us. The prayers are so true to heart so I know I'm not alone.

    Helen Franks, Gurnee, Il Submitted 3/3/2014
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