Poems by TEAH LEE-ANNE. KAYNE

I am finally home in my own bed
But something feels off
For some unknown reason I feel like I'm trespassing
It's a foreign sensation that I'm having difficulty expressing

I'm thinking hard but nothing comes to mind
I'm looking around and everything's the same
This is my home it's not a prison
Why do I feel I don't belong
What is the reason behind my scepticism

I close my eyes and concentrate
When did this feeling first come to foe
When Billy finally got off my lap
About 20 minutes ago

When I first came home from hospital
Billy made it obvious how he felt
He was all over me like a rash
But now methinks I have rocked his boat
Billy had gotten used to living by himself

Communication is not one of my strong suits
Sometimes I can unintentionally offend
Maybe what I said went over his head
Making it almost impossible for him to comprehend

At the time of our communique
I thought I had left no stone unturned
If ever I was to leave again little man
There has to be no doubt in your mind that I will return

Silence can be golden but Billys eyes speak volumes
I can see and hear his  every word
Billy's words are not just speaking
They are screaming out to be heard

He has a quizzical look on his little face
How long do you intend to stay for this time Mama
How about forever and a day
He got up from where he'd been sleeping and silently walked away

I thought I had successfully read between his lines
Like I have many times before
Every word he says from here on in
Will be too important to ignore

There are two sides to every coin
Maybe I should throw it in the air and see how it lands
But that would be leaving our future to fate
It would take our decision making out of our hands

Billy doesn't have a poker face
Everything he thinks, feels and wants is there for me to read
But not in this case

You've always said you know your boy oh so well
Now's the time to put your money where your mouth is
There has to be a reason for his unorthodox behaviour
Come on girl think smarter and you'll be able to tell

I can read a myriad of emotions
Confusion and doubt
Mixed with worry and concern
It's amazing when you think smarter
How much more you can learn

The longer I stay the safer he'll feel
I need to regain his confidence
That's the only way I can make him believe
Mama is here for the long haul baby
She ain't ever gonna leave

AND THAT IS HOW IT IS DONE

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I can remember clearly the pain I felt
With my first broken heart
I was all of 16 years old
My dating life had just begun to start

I was dropped like a lead balloon
I spent the day walking around the house crying
For God's sake girl wake up to yourself and get over him
At least now you are free
And I am sure we've all heard this one
There are plenty of fish in the sea

When my girl was 16
Her heart had been broken just like mine
Your first heartbreak isn't easily forgotten
It doesn't turn back with the hands of time

Not unless you get some help
From someone who's been there, done that
Luckily for her it was her mother
I was more than willing to be handed the bat

I gave her the day off school
I gave her a Jackie Collins book
I told her to spend the day in the pool

When I got home the house was quiet
But then I heard a couple of sighs
I found her in her bedroom reading
What I saw was a sight for sore eyes

She was somewhat burnt
From spending too long in the pool
It was quite obvious she was still absorbed in the Jackie C book
Her mother ain't no fool

Did you have a good day sweetheart
Did you have any phone calls
She didn't even look
She was too engrossed in the book

I was just wondering if 'what's his name' had called
Finally I had her attention
She looked up at me standing at the door
What on earth are you talking about Mum
She seemed to have forgotten the pain she'd been suffering
Just the day before

You know, the love of your life
That boy you were in love with yesterday
Oh Mum, get over it
I haven't thought about him at all today

She turned back to the book
She was concentrating so hard on her reading
Apparently I was the guilty one
I was interrupting and superseding

I smiled as I walked away
I had done the opposite to what my Mother did
I wasn't about to let history repeat itself
I was proud of the way I had handled it

My girl was oblivious to her pain
The book, the pool and her solitude had done the job
I have no reservations about doing it again

I take my parenting very seriously
This responsibility I will never shun
I rubbed my hands together as I walked away
I gave myself a pat on the back
'And that is how it is done'

I was busy decorating the Christmas tree
Carefully placing tinsel and baubles all around
Although I had an energetic 4 year old in the living room
I couldn't hear a single sound

By the time I got to laying the lights
Curiosity made me investigate
She was sitting at the bottom of the staires
Looking sad and forlorn and desperate

She had been playing with the tinsel
And put it in her mouth
I could hear her start to choke
As she tried to regurgitate  it out

She had sucked it up too hard
Causing it to slide down her throat
The chances of her getting it out herself
Were nothing short of remote

What have you done you silly girl
She was staring at me intensely
She couldn't talk as her mouth was full of tinsel
Being the point of entry

I gave the tinsel a tiny pull but it wouldn't move
It was tangled up inside her tummy
I could see in her eyes she was scared
Please do something to help me Mummy

I put in an urgent phone call
To someone who would know more than me
She could hear the fear in my voice
As I pleaded my case desperately

There's nothing you can do
If it's gone down further than her mouth
You will have to have patience and wait till tomorrow
And pray to God the other end it comes out

I retrieved a pair of scissors and cut it
Fearing she would panic and suck in more
I picked her up and gave her a cuddle
Her little throat must have been so raw

And lo and behold the following day it was out
I heaved a sigh of relief
I wasn't shocked or surprised at this dilemma
She had always been full of mischief

The reason this story just came to mind
Is because Billy keeps chasing the cotton
The memory of this happening to a previous fur-baby
Has never been forgotten