Poems by TEAH LEE-ANNE. KAYNE

I was busy decorating the Christmas tree
Carefully placing tinsel and baubles all around
Although I had a noisy energetic 4 year old in the living room
I couldn't hear a single sound

By the time I got to laying the lights
Curiosity made me investigate
She was sitting at the bottom of the staires
Looking sad and forlorn and desperate

She had been playing with the tinsel
And put it in her mouth
I could see she was starting to choke
As she tried to regurgitate it out

She had sucked it up too hard
Causing it to slide down her throat
The chances of her getting it out herself
Were nothing short of remote

What have you done you silly girl
She was staring at me intensely
She couldn't talk as her mouth was full of tinsel
Being the point of entry

I gave the tinsel a tiny pull but it wouldn't move
It was tangled up inside her tummy
I could see in her eyes she was pleading at me
Please do something to help me Mummy

I put in an urgent phone call
To someone who would know more than me
She could hear the fear in my voice
As I pleaded my case desperately

There's nothing you can do
If it's gone down further than her mouth
You will have to have patience and wait till tomorrow
And pray to God the other end it comes out

I retrieved a pair of scissors and cut it
Fearing she would panic and suck in more
I picked her up and gave her a cuddle
Her little throat must have been so raw

And lo and behold the following day it was out
I heaved a sigh of relief
I wasn't shocked or surprised this had happened
She had always been full of mischief

The reason this story has just come to mind
Is because Billy keeps chasing the cotton
The fear I felt when this happened to a previous fur-baby
Has never been forgotten

As you turn back the hands of time
And remember the implausible moments that have been
Do you shake your head in disbelief
Or do you believe and take it on the chin?

You all know about my stint in the crazy place
And what was going on behind my back
My family had gotten rid of all my goods and chattels
They had even killed my cat

I was sitting out in the crazy place  courtyard reading
Surrounded by my newfound friends
One of them pointed up to the sky
There was something that was long, white and fluffy that had caught her eye

The courtyard was contained by a 10' high rock wall
There was no wind so I couldn't blame the weather
Although I'd not seen a bird all day
Common sense said it was probably a feather

In all the space of the courtyard it could have landed
It made a beeline for my lap
I was wide awake I wasn't dreaming
I wasn't taking a wee nap

The closer it got the more confusion reigned
Although it was small, it's details stood out
It was long and fluffy and white
I don't know why, but I couldn't let it out of my sight

I didn't move, I was frozen in shock
I wasn't game to engage
But then a tiny wift of wind emerged
Floating it onto the previous page

The book I'd been reading was Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
Not what you would call a classic
But there were
specific words in that specific paragraph that caught my eye
'Now is the time to say goodbye'
Maybe you have a tolerance
Has your penny dropped yet?
Yeah, it took awhile for mine to drop too
It wasn't until I put A, B and C together
That I realised it wasn't a feather

I couldn't believe what I was seeing
This type of long white fluffy tuft of hair
Could only have come from my Joe
He had lots and lots of long white fluffy tufts of hair
Between each and every toe

Unbeknownst to me at the time
This was the day my
Joey had been killed
He had sent me something only I would recognise
Tears welled up in my eyes

Over the top?
What a load of hogwash?
This story is not up to you to believe
If you had known the depth of our love
Maybe would you have more tolerance
Methinks It would nullify your nonchalance

I am finally home in my own bed
But something feels off
For some unknown reason I feel like I'm trespassing
It's a foreign sensation that I'm having difficulty expressing

I'm thinking hard but nothing comes to mind
I'm looking around and everything's the same
This is my home it's not a prison
Why do I feel I don't belong
What is the reason behind my scepticism

I close my eyes and concentrate
When did this feeling first come to foe
When Billy finally got off my lap
About 20 minutes ago

When I first came home from hospital
Billy made it obvious how he felt
He was all over me like a rash
But now methinks I have rocked his boat
Billy had gotten used to living by himself

Communication is not one of my strong suits
Sometimes I can unintentionally offend
Maybe what I said went over his head
Making it almost impossible for him to comprehend

At the time of our communique
I thought I had left no stone unturned
If ever I was to leave again little man
There has to be no doubt in your mind that I will return

Silence can be golden but Billys eyes speak volumes
I can see and hear his  every word
Billy's words are not just speaking
They are screaming out to be heard

He has a quizzical look on his little face
How long do you intend to stay for this time Mama
How about forever and a day
He got up from where he'd been sleeping and silently walked away

I thought I had successfully read between his lines
Like I have many times before
Every word he says from here on in
Will be too important to ignore

There are two sides to every coin
Maybe I should throw it in the air and see how it lands
But that would be leaving our future to fate
It would take our decision making out of our hands

Billy doesn't have a poker face
Everything he thinks, feels and wants is there for me to read
But not in this case

You've always said you know your boy oh so well
Now's the time to put your money where your mouth is
There has to be a reason for his unorthodox behaviour
Come on girl think smarter and you'll be able to tell

I can read a myriad of emotions
Confusion and doubt
Mixed with worry and concern
It's amazing when you think smarter
How much more you can learn

The longer I stay the safer he'll feel
I need to regain his confidence
That's the only way I can make him believe
Mama is here for the long haul baby
She ain't ever gonna leave