Poems by TEAH LEE-ANNE. KAYNE

I am finally home in my own bed
But something feels off
For some unknown reason I feel like I'm trespassing
It's a foreign sensation that I'm having difficulty expressing

I'm thinking hard but nothing comes to mind
I'm looking around and everything's the same
This is my home it's not a prison
Why do I feel I don't belong
What is the reason behind my scepticism

I close my eyes and concentrate
When did this feeling first come to foe
When Billy finally got off my lap
About 20 minutes ago

When I first came home from hospital
Billy made it obvious how he felt
He was all over me like a rash
But now methinks I have rocked his boat
Billy had gotten used to living by himself

Communication is not one of my strong suits
Sometimes I can unintentionally offend
Maybe what I said went over his head
Making it almost impossible for him to comprehend

At the time of our communique
I thought I had left no stone unturned
If ever I was to leave again little man
There has to be no doubt in your mind that I will return

Silence can be golden but Billys eyes speak volumes
I can see and hear his  every word
Billy's words are not just speaking
They are screaming out to be heard

He has a quizzical look on his little face
How long do you intend to stay for this time Mama
How about forever and a day
He got up from where he'd been sleeping and silently walked away

I thought I had successfully read between his lines
Like I have many times before
Every word he says from here on in
Will be too important to ignore

There are two sides to every coin
Maybe I should throw it in the air and see how it lands
But that would be leaving our future to fate
It would take our decision making out of our hands

Billy doesn't have a poker face
Everything he thinks, feels and wants is there for me to read
But not in this case

You've always said you know your boy oh so well
Now's the time to put your money where your mouth is
There has to be a reason for his unorthodox behaviour
Come on girl think smarter and you'll be able to tell

I can read a myriad of emotions
Confusion and doubt
Mixed with worry and concern
It's amazing when you think smarter
How much more you can learn

The longer I stay the safer he'll feel
I need to regain his confidence
That's the only way I can make him believe
Mama is here for the long haul baby
She ain't ever gonna leave

THE CLAYTON SISTER

I have to wonder what my parents were thinking
When everybody knew the truth
They had two beautiful daughters they loved
Who couldn't stand being under the same roof

Everyone could see
But nobody said a word
Why didn't my parents take note
And put an end to this feud

It is now blatantly clear
What caused this affray to begin
Mums first baby girl died
When the second baby rocked up
She was terrified it would happen again
She lived in fear

Her heart was filled to overflowing
She had so much love to give
But this new baby didn't want it
She didn't need  affection to live

That broke my Mums heart
She had a baby she couldn't cuddle
Feed me, change me and put me down
Mum felt like she was living in a bubble

Then 4 years later
Along comes little Miss Needy Me
I wanted cuddles
I wanted affection
I wanted all the love they could give
I gave this family destiny

Mum was so happy
She finally had a baby she was allowed to love
I was smothered with love and affection
This time there was no rejection

I'm assuming all this was noticed
By my older sister
It wouldn't have been pleasant to see
But she brought it on herself
Her actions had caused all the attention I received

This disharmony has carried on for 50+ years
When I think how much time has been wasted
When I could've had a big sister
I'm almost brought to tears

As you turn back the hands of time
And remember the implausible moments that have been
Do you shake your head in disbelief
Or do you believe and take it on the chin?

You all know about my stint in the crazy place
And what was going on behind my back
My family had gotten rid of all my goods and chattels
They had even killed my cat

I was sitting out in the crazy place  courtyard reading
Surrounded by my newfound friends
One of them pointed up to the sky
There was something that was long, white and fluffy that had caught her eye

The courtyard was contained by a 10' high rock wall
There was no wind so I couldn't blame the weather
Although I'd not seen a bird all day
Common sense said it was probably a feather

In all the space of the courtyard it could have landed
It made a beeline for my lap
I was wide awake I wasn't dreaming
I wasn't taking a wee nap

The closer it got the more confusion reigned
Although it was small, it's details stood out
It was long and fluffy and white
I don't know why, but I couldn't let it out of my sight

I didn't move, I was frozen in shock
I wasn't game to engage
But then a tiny wift of wind emerged
Floating it onto the previous page

The book I'd been reading was Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
Not what you would call a classic
But there were
specific words in that specific paragraph that caught my eye
'Now is the time to say goodbye'
Maybe you have a tolerance
Has your penny dropped yet?
Yeah, it took awhile for mine to drop too
It wasn't until I put A, B and C together
That I realised it wasn't a feather

I couldn't believe what I was seeing
This type of long white fluffy tuft of hair
Could only have come from my Joe
He had lots and lots of long white fluffy tufts of hair
Between each and every toe

Unbeknownst to me at the time
This was the day my
Joey had been killed
He had sent me something only I would recognise
Tears welled up in my eyes

Over the top?
What a load of hogwash?
This story is not up to you to believe
If you had known the depth of our love
Maybe would you have more tolerance
Methinks It would nullify your nonchalance