Lisa M. Edwards

God forbid, I say the word suicide.  But that's the truth.  I couldn't keep you here, no matter how hard I tried.

Your heart and mind had so much heaviness that always weighed you down.  But you wouldn't share it with me. You never made a sound.

Now, I feel so lost without you, and the days seem so long. My world no longer makes any sense, and your brother is my only happiness, now that you're gone.

No, people don't want to hear the word suicide.  They don't want me to say, that's how I lost you.  But that's not for them to decide. 

Depression is real and they need to wake up and see. Just hoping it'll get better, could leave them grieving just like me.

One last thing that I need you to know, "I'll never forgive myself for not doing the things that I should've done.  But Zachary, I'll love you forever and you'll always be my baby boy.  You'll always be my son".

I hate you for what you've done to me!  You've completely torn my world apart and left my family in misery!

You attacked my family without any warning in advance.  You were so sneaky about it, that we never stood a chance.

You said not a word and never made a sound.  We never saw you coming.  You were not easy to be found.

When you came for my youngest, you were quick and oh so silent. He thought he had you under HIS control.  But he didn't know that you were so violent.

He was ignorant to your strength and blinded by your charm.  He had no idea that you would only bring him depression and that you only intended him harm.

Some may blame him, because he opened the door and let you come right in.  But you don't care.  You only wanted to win.

So quickly you had him under your control.  Once you dug your claws in, you knew you had him - body, mind, and soul.

Cocaine, you were a gate way to many other things in life.  For my son, it was suicide. You've brought my family a lifetime of sadness and strife.  You won!