Poems by Pat Fleming

I peek through blinds that are tightly drawn,
Shocked by the glow of the breaking dawn.
I shun the brilliance of another day.
Enslaved and entombed, I stay hidden away.

The night was long as I lay awake,
Anxiety choking like a poisonous snake.
My self-hatred grows like some malady
That I pray will soon be the death of me.

Being hated and scorned is painful indeed,
And that love can be torture, we all must concede,
But to be ignored and forgotten can vanquish one's heart
Until it's in pieces, just shattered apart.

To feel nonexistent is so hard to abide,
When you know that your heart is still beating inside.
And how do you save your sinking soul,
When you feel yourself plummeting into that hole?

My dreams don't provide any rest or relief;
They only replay my regrets and my grief.
I honestly don't know how I came to this place,
But it's clear to me now that there is no escape.

You may call me weak and lowly at best.
I'm trapped in self-pity, I must confess.
I long for some quiet, just a moment of peace,
But my negative voice refuses to cease.

My greatest enemy resides within,
But how can I battle myself and win?
I find this a callous, duplicitous life,
Not worth any effort to fight the good fight.

Surviving, instead of living each day,
Sheltered inside sturdy walls I create.
Fleeting moments when hope will linger so nigh,
But those feelings of wretchedness still once again rise.

Getting through every moment and each empty day,
Feeling lost and panicked in this chaotic maze.
Still not giving up and not giving in,
With my greatest fear being that it won't ever end.

Time passes all so quickly,
Moments melting into years.
It's true, time waits for no one,
And the end is always near.

We live a life so tenuous,
So easily it's gone.
And no matter what we each endure,
Time keeps marching on.

We take refuge in the moment,
And we cling to every day.
We pretend it's all forever,
Just to keep the end at bay.

We hearken back to childhood,
When the world was filled with treasures,
And our lives and what the future held
Was beyond what we could measure.

When our family was our everything,
There was still no place like home.
And with our best friends by our sides,
We came into our own.

And though we took our private paths,
We all have kept in mind
That in life our greatest struggle
Is our battle against time.

Will we get to know what true love is?
Will we have the things we need?
Will we conquer all our greatest fears?
Will we fail or will we succeed?

And then as we grow older,
And the future shrinks away,
Our lives become more memories
And less about today.

We share our wisdom and our hope
With the children in our lives,
And say good-bye to those we loved,
Who once stood by our side.

But there's a peace in growing old,
As time becomes more dear.
And who we are and why we're here
Becomes so crystal clear.

And we see time is not the enemy,
But how that time was lived.
And if we took all that we could,
Or gave all that we could give.

For in our final hours,
As our time begins to wane.
The goodness that our soul's bestowed,
Is all that shall remain.

Now what should I be thankful for?
Now where do I begin?
Of course the greatest gift of all -
My family and my friends.

But it's also all the little things
That touch my life each day
That I sometimes take for granted
Letting life get in the way.

Like my comfy bed that keeps me warm
As I sleep away the night
And that lovely glowing, smiling sun
That wakes me with her light.

Just lying there and taking time
To hear the world as she awakes.
The peaceful sounds of early morn
That nature starts to make.

The smell of breakfast cooking
My cat entreating me to rise
Breathing in the crisp fall air
And looking up at pillowed skies.

To be blessed with still another day
To laugh and love and live.
To have enough to care for me
And still have plenty more to give.

To smell and hear the rainfall
As it pitter patters from the sky.
To watch a snowy blizzard roar
While sitting safe and warm inside.

To look upon the bluest sea
As the gulls go soaring by.
To feel the salt upon my skin
As I lay beneath the sun to dry.

I'm so grateful that God still allows
Another child to be born
And that He opens up His heavens
To all those loved ones I mourn.

I feel blessed by each new moment.
Another chance to make things right
And for all good people in this world
Who love and give with all their might.

It's important each and every day
To bring all our thanks to mind.
It's tragic we're so lost in life
That we seldom take the time.

But as for me, I plan to make a change.
It's a simple change to make.
To thank God for all my blessings
Every morning when I wake!

These days, that moment haunts me,
That first moment we met.
You were a vision from the heavens
That I never would forget.

I watched you from a distance,
Wondering if you were for real.
I thought perhaps if I just blinked
You would suddenly disappear.

But I knew that there was no escape.
Your smile seized my very soul.
Your timid touch pierced my defenses.
My heart was losing all control.

Your eyes, a brilliant sunrise
From which I couldn't turn away.
Your silky voice, the sweetest melody
That played in my mind all day.

My love grew like a malady,
And there was nothing I could do.
I knew for sure the only remedy
Was to pledge my life to you.

I was defenseless but exuberant.
I felt in awe of each new day
And my constant thoughts of only you,
A sweet place I was enslaved.

Oh, but you were quite the challenge.
You did not relinquish easily.
I had to joust each day to win your heart
While you played coy incessantly.

But I would never acquiesce
From my designs upon your heart,
And once I proved to be victorious,
We would never be apart.

Our life became a precious journey,
Trekking through both highs and lows.
We were a family of adventurers,
A force against the world we'd go.

And as you lay there sleeping now,
Our life reflected in your face.
Each line and crease a testimonial
To all the love and strength you gave.

It tells the story of our children
Who brought us joy through long, hard years.
It reveals the hardships that we overcame
With grateful laughter and some tears.

Your eyes now opened to the darkness.
The light within those eyes still bright.
Your upturned face so pale and lovely,
My breath still catches at the sight.

It's time to face the grim reality
Of the fast-approaching end.
There is no future now for us to share,
Only those places where we've been.

My sorrow's heavy on my chest
As you smile up at me.
I'm just a useless, helpless coward
Pleading with you not to leave.

I have stubbornly resisted,
Negotiating for more time.
One more day to gaze upon that face
And feel your heart beat next to mine.

Five decades we've lived side by side.
It's been you who's kept me brave,
And if you leave me all alone,
I fear I can't be saved.

Your voice is now a whisper.
Your breathing comes in slow, short gasps.
In my arms you're like a feather.
Your hand feels frail inside my grasp.

Your words are firm but loving.
I must finally let you go
And be grateful for the gift we shared
That so many never know.

Then I gently kiss your cool, wet cheeks
And watch you slowly slip away.
I feel comfort in the peace you've found,
And in that peace, we'll share someday.

And then that moment reappears,
That first moment we met.
I thank God for every moment since
And let you go without regrets.

It could not be me he's thinking of
When he looks up at the soft moonlight.
And it can't be me that he's dreaming of
When he falls asleep at night.

It could not be my face that caught his eye
In the midst of his busy day
Whose beauty left him hypnotized
And at a loss for what to say.

It could not be my smile that melted his heart
Or my laughter upon the breeze.
It would not be the curves of my body
That left him limp and weak in the knees.

It surely could not be my luminous eyes
Or the touch of my skin so smooth.
It would never be just the image of me
That could trigger his amorous mood.

You see I know it could never be me
To catch a man's eye these days.
In fact if I happen to pass one by
He just looks the other way.

My eyes are not as bright anymore.
They're sagging and much too thin.
Surely, they're not the kind of place
Any man could get lost in.

My body has not aged gracefully
And my curves are far too plump.
My boobs are falling down to the floor
Along with my flatter rump.

Most often I feel invisible.
I blend into the scenery.
I'm far too old to "strut my stuff"
To get Prince Charming to notice me.

Right now feeling wanted and desired,
To be the woman of his dreams,
Is now nothing more in the scheme of my life
Than a thrilling and sweet memory.

Yes, those days of romance and passion
Have sadly passed me by
And now I just feel grateful each day
For the man growing old by my side.

For most of my life, I've been on a quest
To discover just who I might be,
Earnestly searching, day after day,
So desperate to recognize me.

I've felt moments of utter fulfillment
And moments I couldn't go on,
But I knew for the sake of my heart and my soul,
To succeed, I would have to be strong.

But the people around me seemed so lost themselves
That I feared I might be on my own.
But then there'd be someone who would reach out and help
And remind me I wasn't alone.

I've wanted so much to be happy,
To know what it was to feel peace,
And I thought if I finally felt sure of myself,
Then the pain and the struggles would cease.

But I've learned that this journey is endless;
The discoveries are fresh every day,
And no matter how much I might know of myself,
They'll be times I will still lose my way.

And as I've grown older, I truly believe
I may never know all I can be.
But the answers are not waiting out in the world
But have always laid right inside me.

We're all on this quest to discover ourselves,
Together but through our own ways,
Overcoming whatever might get in our paths,
So we can feel better someday.

But always remember not to stray far
From what matters and what's really true.
In this life you don't have to be perfect.
In the end, you just have to be you.

Some people view forgiveness
As a virtue for the weak.
An act of mercy undeserved,
That serves no useful need.

They stand firmly in their judgment
And won't consider a mistake.
They prefer to hold a senseless grudge
Than accept amends when made.

They feel they have some godly right
To reject and criticize.
They're possessed by righteous anger,
And consumed by pointless pride.

They're focused on how they've been wronged,
And won't be made the fool again.
So they feel they must avenge themselves
By refusing to give in.

They will sacrifice their family,
Or forsake a long-time friend.
Do anything they have to do
To be the winner in the end.

Or perhaps it's that they can't resolve
The depth of all their hurt,
Caused when someone they've trusted,
Left them questioning their worth.

But no matter why the struggle,
Out of pride or out of fear,
Not being able to forgive
Can cause the loss of ones most dear.

Yes, forgiveness is a virtue,
They even say it is divine.
But more than that it sets you free
From what weighs you down inside.

The best way to approach this life
Is to ask forgiveness and to forgive.
There's a balance to this crazy world,
So live and just let live.

Outside my bedroom window
Stands an old majestic tree.
She's been standing there for decades,
Just as proud as she can be.

And every morning when I wake,
She's the first thing I see.
This lovely constant in my life,
So magnificent and free.

I can see the early, rising sun
Peeking through her lush green leaves.
I can hear her moving gently,
In the summer's warming breeze.

She has a personality
That she wants the world to see.
And her moods are ever changing
Behind her silent dignity.

She responds to every season,
In her own unfettered way.
All we have to do is gaze at her
To know what season's on its way.

In the Spring she comes alive again,
As her leaves begin to bloom.
And beneath the sun's attention,
You can almost see her swoon.

And in the heat of the summertime,
When her joy is magnified.
She has never looked more beautiful,
All "decked out to the nines."

And when the Fall comes creeping in,
And a chill floats on the breeze,
She prefers to don more earthy tones,
And does just what she please.

But when the Winter's looming large,
It's impossible to hide
As her barren limbs droop soulfully.
They betray her grief inside.

She's stood by me through all my days.
She's watched me laugh and cry.
She's listened so intently
While I've pondered on my life.

And when I see her dank and weary,
I will sit with her sometimes.
And all the years we've shared together
Will come rushing back to mind.

But both of us are strong and true.
We've become the closest friends,
And we will weather every storm
Together till the end.

Seven AM and I sat at the light,
Watching the train chugging by.
A day like the rest, on the way to my job,
Just routine with no feeling inside.

The morning was frigid and snowy,
Just thinking how cold he must be.
But there I could see him wrapped up on the stoop,
In that blanket he found on the street.

That cold, concrete stoop, at that old, empty store,
The place that for years he called home.
He sat there each day, never meeting your eyes,
Just contented to be left alone.

The weeds by the tracks were his bathroom,
His food was a bottle of wine.
His clothes were all dirty and tattered.
He was drunk or passed out all the time.

To see him you'd think he was no one.
He was barely a man anymore.
A failure to the ones who once loved him,
And a burden to the rest of the world.

But those who once knew him in the days long gone by
Would tell you how wrong you would be.
For in fact, it's quite true that this lost, broken soul
Was once just like you and like me.

He woke up every morning in a home of his own
That he shared with his son and his wife.
He worked every day as a painter by trade
And thanked God every night for his life.

People who watched him admired his ways.
He was caring and decent and good.
He worked harder than most to provide for his son,
And for neighbors he did what he could.

Life was a struggle, and times could be bad,
But he always found strength to go on.
He wanted the best for the people he loved,
Never dreaming that soon they'd be gone.

It happened in winter on a dark, snowy day,
In a storm that had moved in quite fast
That his wife ventured forth to pick up their son,
And neither survived when they crashed.

From the day they were buried his friends rallied round,
But he was lost despite how much they tried.
And even today when they speak of him still,
They say it's as if they all died.

And when I last sat at that light, by that stoop,
I saw he was no longer there.
The store still sat empty and was now boarded up,
And I wondered if anyone cared.

But later I learned on that stoop where he lived,
That place that he once made his home
He too passed away on one cold winter's day,
Long forgotten and left quite alone.

So should you pass by a lost soul such as this,
Be careful how harshly you judge him.
For you can't ever know how loved he once was,
Or how valued his life may have been.

There's a silence so loud that it's deafening,
And the sun seems unusually bright.
The world is awakening to a bitter cold morn
And a crystalline blanket of white.

Our breath can be seen in the frigid air,
Our boots crunch, crunch with our stride.
Shovels resound in the midst of their battle,
As people now brave the outside.

Snowflakes still fall, leaving drops in the snow.
They melt as they land on our tongues.
People all bundled up tight to keep warm,
Suited up to let loose and have fun.

We're also determined to have a good time,
As we take our own stand in the snow.
The crisp, frosty wind tries to chase us away,
Pushing our backs as we go.

But no matter our struggle with winter's attack,
Our excitement just won't let us wait.
The snow is falling harder and steadier now,
And there's a Snowman that we must create.

Rolling the snow into big hearty balls,
Stacking each one on the last.
Charcoal for eyes and a long carrot nose,
And a hat and a scarf to add class.

A day made of wonderful memories,
Hours of laughter and childish fun.
And as time rushes by, we realize with glee,
That our work on our Snowman is done!

The gold, dimming sun retreats from the sky.
We are shivering and chilled to the bone.
Farewell and adieu to our shimmering pal,
And hello to the fires of home.

I gaze out at the night, as the house settles down,
And from the window I watch the snow fall.
And there in the glow of the fullest of moons,
Our exquisite, plump Snowman stands tall.