Graham Craven

Evening mass has ended
The congregation are going home
The vicar smiles as he locks the door
He's going to let his hair down now that he is on his own.

He'll quiff his hair, curl his lip
Shake his hips and sing
Christ the Lord is saviour
But for one night only - Elvis is 'The King.'

He sang 'Hound Dog' from the pulpit
'All Shook Up' from the aisle
'Jailhouse Rock' was a triumph
Like Elvis - Vegas style!

Jesus on his cross
Smiled down and tapped his toes
"Why they call this Devil's Music
Heaven only Knows."

He sang songs of love and heartbreak
Songs of loss and despair
He laughed as he sang 'Lonesome Tonight'
"Do you gaze at your bald head and wish you had hair."

The vicar played on into the night
Disturbed only by his phone
His wife was on the line, saying...
"Elvis, are you ever coming home"?

Leaving the stage of his Vegas style show
With its backdrop of gargoyles and gildings
He announced in his best southern drawl that
"Elvis has left the building."

His belly's getting bigger,
And his hair is turning white.
His eyes shine and sparkle
Like the stars on Christmas night.

He couldn't fit down chimneys
When he can just fit through a door.
One mince pie would never do
He'd only ask for more.

He likes a nip of brandy;
It sets his cheeks aglow.
When he forgets the words to carols,
He just shouts Ho, Ho, Ho.

He hasn't got a reindeer
That runs silently through space,
But his car is Eco Friendly
And could beat Rudolph in a race.

He can't afford a new red suit
With boots and matching belt,
But his smile is warmer than the sun
That can make the snow tops melt.

My dad would like to be Santa
And fill the world with glee,
So until they advertise the job,
He'll give all his love to me.

When demons pick at my troubled mind
And the passage to sleep becomes harder to find,
I close my eyes, turn out the light
And listen to the music of the night.

First there's the silence, looming and menacing,
The audience lies waiting, patiently listening.
My heart is racing; it's pounding and deafening.
The taste of tension is sour and sickening.

Outside the wind blows a sweet, sad refrain
That plays on repeat again and again.
It builds to a crescendo, stormy and wild
Until it blows over and breathes like a child.

The rhythm of the night train's clickety-clack,
'The Moonlight Sonata' for insomniacs.
It's a song of love and another heart broken
When so much is said without a single word spoken.

A dripping tap becomes a cacophony,
The percussion in my moonlight symphony.
Every drip...drip...drop performed in the overture
Is a well-rehearsed line in my sleepless torture.

The hymns of miners lost in the gloom
Are sang by angels as they circle my room.
Voices that flicker like light from a flame
Are swallowed by the coal-black from which they came.

Birdsong at dawn, a heavenly choir,
Brings me to rest and my eyes start to tire.
While sunlight chases my demons away,
I fall asleep gently to the sounds of the Day.

Grandma's on the dancefloor
Shaking what she's got.
If it don't shake, it wobbles,
And boy, does it wobble a lot.

The old moves don't come easy
Even though she's got new hips.
She swings them almost freely now,
And you can barely hear them click.

Grandad's in the corner,
Sipping on his beer.
Will he shake his booty?
My Grandad - No fear!

Grandma means the world to him,
And he's her Mr. Right.
He's the one who'll walk her home,
The one she'll kiss goodnight.

My sister just got married,
And the party's in full sway.
She's hand in hand with Grandma
Twisting the night away.

Sister pulls Gran closer
To make sure that she's listening.
Then Grandma stops and shouts aloud
"We're going to have a Christening."

Back in the day when we were young,
Risking our necks on some great adventure,
Others would mock our idea of fun,
Telling tall tales or hiding Gran's dentures.
Hungry bellies fueled our ambition.
Each of us choosing a professional path,
Receiving awards and peer recognition.
Sibling rivals we may be, but we're always game for a laugh.