Graham Craven

Just because mum has pledged to eat veg
I don't see why I have to too
I'd rather eat burgers with thinly cut fries
And maybe a gherkin or two.

A cocktail of fruit is all well and good
But please serve ice cream with mine
Add sprinkles of chocolate to colour the plate
The taste is simply divine.

Mum might like to eat cottage cheese
But I'd have to mix it with ketchup
I'm sure that she wouldn't want me to spew
But there's a chance that I'd fetch it back up.

I hope she won't ask me to snack on rye bread
I mean those tasteless, dry little wafers
I'd rather tuck in to witchetty grubs
And I think it might even be safer.

I don't care if my food is greasy
Concealer can help hide my spots
Most of my friends call me shapely
Which is better than 'Miss Muffin Top.'

Mum has developed a real healthy glow
I've never seen her look so great
Are you really trying to tell me...
That it's down to something she ate?

Grandma's on the dancefloor
Shaking what she's got
If it don't shake it wobbles
And boy does it wobble a lot.

The old moves don't come easy
Even though she's got new hips
She swings them almost freely now
And you can barely hear them click.

Grandad's in the corner
Sipping on his beer
Will he shake his booty?
My Grandad - No fear!

Grandma means the world to him
And he's her Mr Right
He's the one who'll walk her home
The one she'll kiss goodnight.

My sister just got married
And the party's in full sway
She's hand in hand with Grandma
Twisting the night away.

Sister pulls Gran closer
To make sure that she's listening
Then Grandma stops and shouts aloud
"We're going to have a Christening."

Back in the day when we were young,
Risking our necks on some great adventure,
Others would mock our idea of fun,
Telling tall tales or hiding Gran's dentures.
Hungry bellies fueled our ambition.
Each of us choosing a professional path,
Receiving awards and peer recognition.
Sibling rivals we may be, but we're always game for a laugh.

I bet I'll die a painful death
Agony assured until my final breath
Foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog
Rotting away like a rain soaked log.

Just when I think I can rest in peace
Death will come charging like a raging beast
Snapping, snarling, scenting a kill
Its prey brought down to be taken at will.

Should I succumb to a form of madness
Or develop a tyrannical taste for badness
String me up like a disgraced dictator
Then leave me to answer to my creator.

My father answered for all his good times
It cost him his soul before he sold mine
He left me a ticket for the down bound train
Visiting stops called 'Heartbreak' and 'Pain.'

Today as my glass looks less than half full
My outlook on life is morbid and dull
If I can keep my demons at bay
Tomorrow holds the promise of brand new day.

Dying's hard but no harder than living
And let's not forget that life keeps giving
Remember to go the extra mile
To see all that we have and then raise a smile.