Funny Family Poems

Funny Family Poems

Funny Family Poems

Humor is the bedrock of healthy relationship. Humor it a tool we can use to let off steam when things get too heavy. If we cannot laugh at ourselves, life will become a tedious and stifling experience. Family life is difficult, there is no doubt about it. In order to stick with family through hard times it is important to be able to laugh at ourselves. Laughing helps get through arguments, sadness and all kinds of hardships. Take the time to poke fun at yourselves and you will feel the burden on your shoulders lighten considerably.

8 Funny Poems about Family

  1. 1. Midnight In The Pantry

    The poet, Edgar Guest (1881-1959), creates a comedic tone about searching for a midnight snack. While it’s enjoyable to go out to eat and enjoy the sights and sounds of town, nothing compares to finding something delectable to eat in your own pantry.

    You can boast your round of pleasures, praise the sound of popping corks,
    Where the orchestra is playing to the rattle of the forks,
    And your after-opera dinner you may think superbly fine,
    But that can’t compare, I’m certain, to the joy that’s always mine
    When I reach my little dwelling—source, of all sincere delight—
    And I prowl around the pantry in the waning hours of night.
    When my business, or my pleasure, has detained me until late,
    And it’s midnight, say, or after, when I reach my own estate,
    Though I’m weary with my toiling I don’t hustle up to bed,
    For the inner man is hungry and he’s anxious to be fed,
    Then I feel a thrill of glory from my head down to my feet
    As I prowl around the pantry after something good to eat.
    Oft I hear a call above me: ‘Goodness gracious, come to bed!’
    And I know that I’ve disturbed her by my overeager tread,
    But I’ve found a glass of jelly and some bread and butter, too,
    And a bit of cold fried chicken and I answer: ‘When I’m through!’
    Oh, there’s no cafe that better serves my precious appetite
    Than the pantry in our kitchen when I get home late at night.
    You may boast your shining silver, and the linen and the flowers,
    And the music and the laughter and the lights that hang in showers,
    You may have your cafe table with its brilliant array,
    But it doesn’t charm yours truly when I’m on my homeward way,
    For a greater joy awaits me, as I hunger for a bite—
    Just the joy of pantry-prowling in the middle of the night.

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  3. 2. Father

    The speaker sees his father as a mighty man when it comes to endeavors outside the house, but when it comes to getting things fixed at home, it’s better left to someone else. This poem has a humorous tone and uses irony that the father can do tough things and solve the big problems of the world, but he is unable to mend a chair. This poem is made up of octaves (stanzas that consist of eight lines each).

    My father knows the proper way
       The nation should be run;
    He tells us children every day
       Just what should now be done.
    He knows the way to fix the trusts,
       He has a simple plan;
    But if the furnace needs repairs,
       We have to hire a man.

    My father, in a day or two
       Could land big thieves in jail;
    There's nothing that he cannot do,
       He knows no word like "fail."
    "Our confidence" he would restore,
       Of that there is no doubt;
    But if there is a chair to mend,
       We have to send it out.

    All public questions that arise,
       He settles on the spot;
    He waits not till the tumult dies,
       But grabs it while it's hot.
    In matters of finance he can
       Tell Congress what to do;
    But, O, he finds it hard to meet
       His bills as they fall due.

    It almost makes him sick to read
       The things law-makers say;
    Why, father's just the man they need,
       He never goes astray.
    All wars he'd very quickly end,
       As fast as I can write it;
    But when a neighbor starts a fuss,
       'Tis mother has to fight it.

    In conversation father can
       Do many wondrous things;
    He's built upon a wiser plan
       Than presidents or kings.
    He knows the ins and outs of each
       And every deep transaction;
    We look to him for theories,
       But look to ma for action.

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  5. 3. The Good Little Boy

    In this charming poem by Edgar Guest (1881-1959), the speaker shares about a young boy who never did anything wrong. Edgar Guest had a way of writing uplifting poems, and he wrote prolifically, publishing one poem a day for 30 years. The dialect in this poem contributes to its laid-back nature.

    Once there was a boy who never
    Tore his clothes, or hardly ever,
    Never made his sister mad,
    Never whipped fer bein' bad,
    Never scolded by his Ma,
    Never frowned at by his Pa,
    Always fit fer folks to see,
    Always good as good could be.

    This good little boy from Heaven,
    So I'm told, was only seven,
    Yet he never shed real tears
    When his mother scrubbed his ears,
    An' at times when he was dressed
    Fer a party, in his best,
    He was careful of his shirt
    Not to get it smeared with dirt.

    Used to study late at night,
    Learnin' how to read an' write;
    When he played a baseball game,
    Right away he always came
    When his mother called him in.
    An' he never made a din
    But was quiet as a mouse
    when they'd comp'ny in the house.

    Liked to wash his hands an' face,
    Liked to work around the place;
    Never, when he'd tired of play,
    Left his wagon in the way,
    Or his bat an' ball around--
    Put 'em where they could be found;
    An' that good boy married Ma,
    An' to-day he is my Pa.

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  6. 4. Grandma's On The Dancefloor

    This rhyming story is about a Grandma letting her hair down at a wedding party.

    Grandma's on the dancefloor
    Shaking what she's got.
    If it don't shake, it wobbles,
    And boy, does it wobble a lot.

    The old moves don't come easy
    Even though she's got new hips.
    She swings them almost freely now,
    And you can barely hear them click.

    Grandad's in the corner,
    Sipping on his beer.
    Will he shake his booty?
    My Grandad - No fear!

    Grandma means the world to him,
    And he's her Mr. Right.
    He's the one who'll walk her home,
    The one she'll kiss goodnight.

    My sister just got married,
    And the party's in full sway.
    She's hand in hand with Grandma
    Twisting the night away.

    Sister pulls Gran closer
    To make sure that she's listening.
    Then Grandma stops and shouts aloud
    "We're going to have a Christening."

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  7. 5. The Dishes Are Done

    I wrote this as a song back in 1991. My wife was working and I was trying to have the house look fairly presentable when she came home so I wouldn't have to hear how she worked all day and had to come home to cook and clean the house. After washing the dishes, I simply said to myself, "Well, the dishes are done," and the rest of it just flowed after thought. People love it when I sing it to them.

    Well, the dishes are done,
    There's nothing in the sink.
    So I think I'll sit,
    And pour myself a drink.
    But just as I sit,
    I hear her voice.
    And I've got to get up,
    Because I've got no choice.

    You see, I've got this woman,
    Who says she's my wife.
    And says I promised to love her,
    For the rest of my life.
    She's awful bossy,
    And overbearing too.
    And she loves to tell me,
    What to do!

    She says, "Ronald, are the dishes done?
    Did you wash and dry each one?
    Ronald, did you put them away,
    Don't you listen to what I say?"

    And I say,

    "Yes, Dear, the dishes are done,
    I washed and dried each one.
    Yes, Dear, I put them away,
    Because I always do whatever you say."

    But I don't know why,
    I let her treat me this way.
    And I swear,
    I'm going to leave her someday.
    I'm going to walk out,
    And I'm going to have some fun.
    But until that day,
    The dishes will be done.

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    Couldn't help but lol when I read this. I can relate to it even though I am a woman !

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  8. 6. How To Create The Perfect Family

    • By Katy
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2008

    Recipe for the perfect family

    You will need:
    1 large house
    3-6 people, depending on how long you want to wait for it to be done
    3 cups of pets
    2 cups of patience
    3 ounces of anger/frustration
    3 quarts of laughter
    4 teaspoons of trust
    And last but definitely not least,
    Lots and lots of love

    First, open the house, and make sure that it will be the right size for your family.
    Mix the desired amount of people with the pets, carefully so you don't damage them.
    In a separate bowl, stir the love and laughter together.
    Set aside.
    Taking each person separately, evenly distribute the patience and trust, making sure that each one gets an equal amount (Failure to distribute evenly may lead to different recipe! See recipe for "My impatient family" for details...).
    Carefully open the bottle of anger/frustration.
    Using a Q-tip, dab small portions of the anger/frustration onto each person.
    Lastly, take the love and laughter and sprinkle it all over the house, pets, and people.
    Let sit until all parts of the recipe are thoroughly combined, and voila!
    Your Perfect Family is complete.

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    Sooo sweet. I was looking for one to put into a surprise recipe book for my mom's birthday! :D

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  9. 7. Best Of Brands

    • By Nicola Hanney
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems March 2012

    My Childhood memories! One of the most painful experiences of my young life, but it had to be done!

    Get that nit comb through those strands,
    This lice lotion best of brands,
    Nought point nought between the prongs,
    Not short hair, but two foot long.

    Look, they're dying, I think we're winning,
    Eyes all bloodshot, red and stinging.
    Don't be silly, don't start to whine,
    Mummy's got to be cruel to be kind.

    Crisis over! What do you think?
    Still got to get rid of that terrible stink.
    Back to school, back to civilization.
    Ready to pick up another infestation!

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    This one reminded me of my 3 year old this year. We had to cut her hair and she was as mad as mad could be. She didn't talk to me for 2 days after it. But we got it out and she hasn't had any...

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  10. 8. Siblings Forever

    • By Karen
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    This poem was written by my sister and describes growing up in a big family perfectly.

    All snuggled up together, feeling the warmth and comfort of each other in the big bed.
    The trust and love of brothers and sisters without ever needing to be said.
    Fights and name calling, having fun and playing silly games, keeping each other's secrets and acting out school on rainy days.
    Being in trouble with Mom and Dad telling tales and feeling sad.
    The safety of knowing where you're from then the sudden realization that childhood has gone.
    But it then goes into reverse and brother/sisters such a curse
    The boys and girls go separate ways, only dreams of fun filled days
    Both sets of friends, objects of desire, and both camps set out to conspire then jealousy does overtake, inevitably hearts are bound to break.

    All older now and visits home, hard to think where we once were known
    Questions asked, polite inquires made some have moved some have stayed
    then suddenly the cat walks by and someone starts to snicker, remember that toy gun we had who was it pulled the trigger? The poor cat remembers this time and waddles out then like old times we scream and shout
    erupting with laughter from deep within from years ago, again we're kin
    remembering when and this and that and not forgetting tortured cats the bonds are formed again once more and will remain forever we leave arranging the next time we'll be together

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    As a big sister, I always have to do all the things that my mom and dad tell me. I am the example. My brothers have been in my life for 6 years. I want them to know that you guys were there...

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