Poems by Patricia Fleming

How do I cope with the shame that I feel
And then look you straight in the eye?
And how do I claim to stand for what's right,
Then accept disregard for your lives?

I grew up in a place that was safe and secure;
Opportunity knocked at my door.
I never accepted enough was enough
When the world always offered me more.

The schools I attended were cloaked in pure white,
And I watched from their lily white halls
While you had to fight for the little you had,
And I was just handed it all.

The black of your skin made you different from me,
And I learned from the powers that be
That we'd never be allies in living this life
And should remain on our side of the streets.

But as I grew up, I became so confused,
And I wished to get closer to you.
But how could you trust a word that I said
When all I'd shown you was callous abuse?

How do I make some sense of it all
When injustice can't ever make sense?
And how do I seek your forgiveness
When I can't begin to know how to repent?

The cycle of hatred is hard to escape
When adults in your life lead your way.
And how do you face that those "truths" once believed
Were just words to control and betray?

I know I can never right all the wrongs
Or remove all the scars left behind.
But my heart feels the weight of the hurt that we caused,
And your torment encumbers my mind.

I ponder incessantly on what I can do.
I don't want to seem shallow or fake.
Is it enough that I willingly stand by your side?
Or are there far too many amends to be made?

I need you to know how sorry I am,
Though I'm sure it's too little too late.
But I want you to see that I won't let you down
And your hope in me ever forsake.

My promise is now to bear witness.
I won't leave you alone in your pain.
And for the sake of your children and grandchildren,
I'll fight for a world filled with change.

Your survival is proof of your courage
And exposes what cowards we've been!
And I long for and pray that one day I'll be blessed
To, perhaps, hear you call me your friend.

It seems it's been a lifetime
Since my brother went away.
I long to see him once again
And relive those cherished days.

When I was his big sister
And looked at him with pride
And thought we'd always walk through life,
Family side by side.

But in these years he has forgotten me
And left me far behind,
But still a day does not go by
That he doesn't come to mind.

He has a growing daughter now
Whom I know I'll never meet.
She wouldn't even know me
If we passed along the street.

But I have a rather silly hope
That maybe just sometimes
There will be something that he sees in her
That may bring me to his mind.

He may see me in her smile
Or in the twinkle of her eye.
He may hear me in the sadness
Of her broken-hearted cries.

He may find me in her laughter,
In those moments filled with joy.
Or perhaps he'll notice I am there
In the lilting of her voice.

He might see me in her anger
And refusal to give in.
And in how she fights for those she loves,
The way I did for him.

She may even have a walk like me,
That same, familiar stride.
I may be in subtle nuances,
So impossible to hide.

I pray he sees me in her heart
And in the way she wants to care.
We may even look at life the same
And have dreams and hopes we share.

Although she'll never know me,
And I feel that loss each day,
She still carries just a part of me
That no one can take away.

So perhaps in silent moments,
In just an instant he may see,
There within his daughter,
A fleeting glimpse of me.

The endless green of summer
Has turned to golds and reds,
While the leaves are all a flutter,
Making pillows for our heads.

The hot, aggressive summer sun
Now hides behind the clouds,
Creating dreamlike shadows
That reflect the world around.

The trees have changed their summer greens
To the warmth of autumn hues.
And a chilly early morning frost
Has replaced the summer dew.

The sound of weekend mowers
And the sight of lawns so green
Are echoes now of Autumn rakes,
And piles of aging leaves.

The whisper of the summer breeze
Has reluctantly flown away,
As the stronger push of the Autumn wind
Has defiantly taken its place.

And the happy mood of the summer sun
Has weakened in its fight,
As the darker mood of Autumn
Has coldly diminished its light.

And in the chill of the afternoon,
As the children play in the leaves,
The smell of fireplaces burning,
Give the promise of a cozy eve.

And you're filled with anticipation
For pumpkins and Halloween.
For hay rides and candy apples
And ghostly sights to see.

Oh yes, the fall is finally here,
And its glory fills your heart.
And you breathe that air so crisp and clear
And pray that it never parts.

I searched but never found you.
The paths we traveled never crossed
And now my life is winding down,
And I fear all hope is lost.

I saved a place inside my heart.
You were often in my dreams.
But you stayed always at a distance
And just beyond my reach.

I wondered if you grieved for me
And felt that longing deep inside.
Did you search the world for me in vain?
Or did you let that need subside?

Oh, I had my share of love and loss.
I knew happiness and pain.
I loved and was loved in return
But that emptiness remained.

I missed you though we never touched,
And I knew you from the start.
Your soul was mate to my own soul.
You shared the beating of my heart.

Time passed, but still you never came,
Though I never let you go.
You were a gift that I was promised,
The greatest love I'd ever know.

I wondered if our eyes once met,
But we chose to look away
And settled on some other loves
And thus our destinies betray.

This life is cruel and fickle.
It can lead our hearts astray
And blind us to what matters,
Putting roadblocks in our way.

Our searching becomes futile
When distractions take control.
We can't hear the pleading of our hearts
Or the desperation in our souls.

But you and I were meant to be,
Our souls met long ago.
So when the time is right for us,
Somehow, we both will know.

And maybe up in Heaven
Our souls will finally meet
And we'll share our love eternally
And forevermore we'll feel complete.

I believe that love is loyalty.
It will always have your back.
It will bravely stand in front of you
If someone should attack.

Its support will be unwavering.
It will never let you down.
It will be that one true constant
When there's no one else around.

I believe that love is friendship
And a mutual respect,
A bond that can't be broken,
No matter how far it may be stretched.

It will always want the best for you
And will help you if it can,
And when this crazy world confuses you,
Love will help you understand.

Love is not betrayal.
It can look you in the eye
And its word will not be broken;
It won't manipulate or lie.

Love will not degrade you
Or destroy your self-esteem.
It won't be cold or critical
Or belittle all your dreams.

Love will not abandon you,
Despite how difficult things get.
It will create the sweetest memories,
Not a torrent of regrets.

But where there are beginnings,
There will sometimes be an end.
But our hearts are made of sturdy stock,
And so a broken heart can mend.

To love is human nature;
It is a crucial part of life.
It may not always come so easily,
But it will be well worth the fight.

Love comes in every shape and size,
And we can love in different ways.
It will still remain alive in us,
When all else has passed away.

I do my very best each day
Though some days prove worse than others.
I'm everywhere I'm needed,
No need more crucial than another.

I'm there to calm each worry.
I'm drenched by every tear.
I bear the weight of every heartache,
And I'll defend against each fear.

I take the hand of those who have to go
And walk beside them to the Gates,
And sit vigil by the bedsides
Of all those who suffer still in wait.

I wrap my arms around those weary souls
Who lay sleepless through the night.
So laden by their anguished sadness
They've lost their will to live this life.

I whisper words of strength and tenderness
To give them hope again,
And fill their hearts with all my love
To help their souls to mend.

I have so many who depend on me
But I have endless love to share.
I can sit and comfort you alone
And still be everywhere.

But how the Devil works against me
As he wields his monstrous hand.
He sets his sights on all those fragile souls
And preys upon the sinful man.

I feel how angry and betrayed you feel
When the Devil seems to rise,
Convincing you that I don't care
And am no longer by your side.

But I will always take your deepest pain
And carry it for you.
Even times that you give up on me
I won't give up on you!

I know this life can be so wearisome
And the losses can be great.
But I will never leave you on your own
Or your faith in me forsake.

I watch you every second
And I see everything you do,
And what a wondrous sight you are to see,
When seeing from my point of view.

We are in this fight together
And there is nothing we can't do
As long as you stand firmly by my side
And I stand steadfast by you too.

There was a time he loved her.
Now it's clear there's nothing there.
He walks around so flippantly
With no interest or a care.

Through his silence he berates her.
He flaunts the coldness in his eyes.
Neither her tortured sobs nor pleading words
Can make him sympathize.

To him she's just an afterthought,
An object to be used,
A service to be rendered,
A shattered ego to abuse.

He's Dr. Jekyll with the world to see
But Mr. Hyde behind closed doors,
And each time she tries to rise again,
He knocks her back down to the floor.

He has no conscience to control him.
His heart beats for him alone.
She's a peasant to his royalty
As he perches on his throne.

He's a narcissistic bully
Who rubs her wounds with salt.
He degrades, destroys and disregards
Without a guilty thought.

But she fears he'll never let her go
And she knows he'll never change.
Promises are made and broken
But his cruelty still remains.

But time is passing quickly now.
She's in the twilight of her years
And it's her hope and consolation
That her days are numbered here.

But perhaps when she's no longer there
For him to just keep beating down,
He'll see how weak he really is
When there's no one to push around.

The sun set in the early eve.
No light could pierce those mammoth trees.
Dark and dense for miles wide,
You could wander lost forever inside.

Oh, the tales of horror that Forest weaved
Of monsters and ghosts behind each tree.
Werewolves howling at the fullest moon
Those screeches of witches and baleful loons.

We'd hike all day and camp at night
When those campfire stories would fill us with fright.
Tales of terror too grim to conceive
But anything goes on All Hallows' Eve.

We knew we wouldn't get much sleep.
Instead, we'd listen to footsteps creep.
We'd watch the shadows in the firelight,
Staying quiet and safely out of sight.

Blood splatters upon the walls of our tent.
We'd cling and we'd cry, repent and lament.
We'd tell ourselves that it was all make-believe
And that anything goes on All Hallows' Eve.

The night was so black, and the air was so chilled,
The hours passed by as if time had stood still.
Some fetid, foul creature whispered nearby,
And from deep in the woods came a scared baby's cry.

Some would become full of panic and fear,
They'd run into the forest and just disappear!
Filled with such horror, they'd suddenly flee
Forgetting anything goes on All Hallows' Eve.

We would doze off and awake, again and again
Until the harrowing night finally came to an end.
And we'd wait for the welcome light of the day
And see another Halloween just creep away.

Then the sound of the leaves in the soft autumn breeze
And the sun peeking through those fluttering leaves
Filled us with so much relief inside
We couldn't believe we had somehow survived.

But we'll do it again come this time next year,
With no trepidations, hesitation, or fear,
Because nothing was really as sinister as it seemed
It's just that anything goes on All Hallows' Eve.

Here's to that very first friend that I made.
The one who said "yes" when I asked her to play.
Whose name I'd repeat over and over again
So astounded and grateful that she was my friend.

And here's to that friend who grew up by my side,
Who so graciously came along for the ride.
Who was privy to all of my grand hopes and dreams
And complicit in all of my hair-brained schemes.

All hail to that friend ever loyal and true,
Who was just as naïve about what we should do.
We were sisters who faced new adventures each day
Testing the waters on our long wending way.

Praise to that friend who knew all of my pain,
Who kept every secret silent and safe.
The one who would hold me whenever I cried
And then still made me laugh till it ached inside.

Thank God for that friend so much smarter than me,
Who I willingly followed as she took the lead.
Much more adept at learning the ropes,
She was the one who taught me the most.

And God bless that friend who would never condemn
No matter the messes I'd put myself in.
Who accepted my frailties and frustrating flaws
And would still lift me up when I'd flounder and fall.

And thank you forever that dearest of friends
Who showed me what being a friend truly meant.
Who gave me the chance to be one myself
And be someone of value to somebody else.

How I miss that dear friend who drifted away
Whose life took her sadly to some other place.
But I know in my heart even though we lost track
If I called her today, she would still have my back.

Friendship's a gift that we're granted in life
A force to take with us against the tough fight.
But the greatest blessing when it's all said and done
Is to have all those friendships in that One special One!

I feel as if I'm teetering
High above a dark, black hole,
And it's taking everything I have
Not to lose control.

My feet keep slipping off the tightrope.
My arms start flailing in mid-air.
I'm sweating 'neath the scorching sun,
Blinded by its savage glare.

I've been swaying on this tightrope now
For more than half my life.
But it seems to go on into infinity
With no terminus in sight.

One shaky foot in front of the other,
My aging body sore and stiff.
I've considered acquiescence.
Perhaps it's time for me to quit.

I'm so focused on survival
And never looking down
That I've lost sight of all the beauty
That is everywhere around.

The mountains towering over me
With white blankets on their peaks.
The green and sparkling river
Flowing swift and aimlessly.

The flawless azure cloudless sky.
Those dark moments when she weeps.
Her stars that shine so bright at night
To safely guide my weary feet.

Eagles soaring to their nests.
The distant valleys deep and green.
All of nature's busy creatures
Who roam this earth so free.

Those people who keep watch for me
To catch me if I lose my balance.
Who have staggered on their own tightropes
So are well acquainted with the challenge.

They keep vigil from a distance
And have done their best to understand
That I need to make this trek alone
To become everything I am.

The days and nights are passing now.
My body's weak, but my will is strong.
I stop and rest more frequently,
But I recover and move on.

I've been meandering this tightrope now
For more than half my life,
Surviving good and bad days too,
But never giving up the fight.

And those who really love me
Who have never lost their faith,
Have helped convince me through it all
This was a journey I could make.

So to all of you who are like me,
Walking that fine and tottering line,
Just put one foot before the other,
And you'll master it in time.