Poems by Patricia Fleming

I searched but never found you.
The paths we traveled never crossed
And now my life is winding down,
And I fear all hope is lost.

I saved a place inside my heart.
You were often in my dreams.
But you stayed always at a distance
And just beyond my reach.

I wondered if you grieved for me
And felt that longing deep inside.
Did you search the world for me in vain?
Or did you let that need subside?

Oh, I had my share of love and loss.
I knew happiness and pain.
I loved and was loved in return
But that emptiness remained.

I missed you though we never touched,
And I knew you from the start.
Your soul was mate to my own soul.
You shared the beating of my heart.

Time passed, but still you never came,
Though I never let you go.
You were a gift that I was promised,
The greatest love I'd ever know.

I wondered if our eyes once met,
But we chose to look away
And settled on some other loves
And thus our destinies betray.

This life is cruel and fickle.
It can lead our hearts astray
And blind us to what matters,
Putting roadblocks in our way.

Our searching becomes futile
When distractions take control.
We can't hear the pleading of our hearts
Or the desperation in our souls.

But you and I were meant to be,
Our souls met long ago.
So when the time is right for us,
Somehow, we both will know.

And maybe up in Heaven
Our souls will finally meet
And we'll share our love eternally
And forevermore we'll feel complete.

I lost a precious part of me
Where you once dwelled, dear friend.
A bond that spanned a lifetime
Came abruptly to an end.

Will my memories sustain me
Even now that you have gone?
Or will your image slowly fade away
Without your face to gaze upon?

I will never feel the comfort
Of your loving, warm embrace.
You will never make me laugh again
Until my stomach aches.

When my heart is feeling lonely,
You won't answer when I call,
And when I start to lose my balance,
You can't catch me if I fall.

I won't have your voice of reason
When I start to lose my way
Or your reassuring words of strength
When I'm feeling so afraid.

I will treasure all those good old days,
All those secrets that we shared,
So that carefree girl I was with you
Won't completely disappear.

I'll hold tightly to your memory
And forever miss you so.
But I'll trust that God must need you more,
And I will gently let you go.

There was a time he loved her.
Now it's clear there's nothing there.
He walks around so flippantly
With no interest or a care.

Through his silence he berates her.
He flaunts the coldness in his eyes.
Neither her tortured sobs nor pleading words
Can make him sympathize.

To him she's just an afterthought,
An object to be used,
A service to be rendered,
A shattered ego to abuse.

He's Dr. Jekyll with the world to see
But Mr. Hyde behind closed doors,
And each time she tries to rise again,
He knocks her back down to the floor.

He has no conscience to control him.
His heart beats for him alone.
She's a peasant to his royalty
As he perches on his throne.

He's a narcissistic bully
Who rubs her wounds with salt.
He degrades, destroys and disregards
Without a guilty thought.

But she fears he'll never let her go
And she knows he'll never change.
Promises are made and broken
But his cruelty still remains.

But time is passing quickly now.
She's in the twilight of her years
And it's her hope and consolation
That her days are numbered here.

But perhaps when she's no longer there
For him to just keep beating down,
He'll see how weak he really is
When there's no one to push around.

When I was young and insecure,
And desperate to be liked.
I tended to withdraw in pain
And flee instead of fight.

All I wanted was to get along.
Conflict was not my style.
So despite what people did to me,
I took it with a smile.

So whenever someone hurt me,
I'd stuff those feelings deep inside.
Forgive but not forget it,
Just take it all in stride.

But anger tends to fester.
It's not so easy to control.
Just like a dormant bomb that's lit,
One day it will explode.

I've suffered many sad regrets.
I've felt my share of shame
For releasing all my pent-up ire
On the ones who weren't to blame.

So I would not advise this practice
Now that I've grown old and wise.
I've learned a great deal in my time,
And there's some truths I realized.

In life you must be tolerant,
But you also must be strong.
You don't have to be a doormat
When someone does you wrong.

You must carefully pick your battles,
Knowing when to let things go.
Don't seek revenge or try to hurt,
For what you reap you'll sow.

Don't back down but don't attack,
Hold your tongue but speak your mind.
You can defend yourself and others,
And still manage to be kind.

It's important that you love yourself.
This is the love that must come first.
If you can't see how grand you are,
Then no one else will see your worth.

A good rule of thumb to follow,
Show the world by what you do -
That you will gladly give respect
But will expect the same for you!

As the morning bell was sounding
We settled in our seats,
And Ms. Williams wrote upon the board
The list of work we would complete.

It felt like any other day
With no apparent change.
The sounds around me so familiar,
Every moment seemed the same.

The whispers of my closest friends,
A class singing down the hall,
Ms. Williams' soft, assuring voice,
And the squeaking of her chalk.

Anticipation of our lunchtime break
And my choice, PB and J,
Then back to work until the final bell
And the end of our school day.

But then in one split second
Our whole world came crashing down,
When the safety we all had shared
Was shattered by a booming sound.

That booming sound continued.
It seemed to come from everywhere.
I could hear some children screaming
And a smoky, egg smell in the air.

Ms. Williams looked so frightened
That my heart began to pound.
I felt myself begin to panic
As we all dropped to the ground.

Beneath our desks we huddled
While we held our best friends tight.
I closed my eyes and held my breath
And cowered there in fright.

I thought about my Mom and Dad
And knew that soon they'd come.
But then he breached our classroom door
And started shooting everyone.

Sally drooped inside my arms!
We were falling one by one!
Blood was splattered everywhere
As he wielded his big gun!

The world was growing darker now
And I shivered from the cold.
I reached for Sally's bloody hand
So I had something I could hold.

We prayed someone would save us
And take this monster far away.
But each moment we grew wearier
Until we knew it was too late.

And then the last bell of the day
Echoed loudly through the halls.
But instead of children's laughter
There was not a single sound at all!

When I stand small before the ocean
In her vast infinity,
I'm consumed by all her beauty
And my profound humility.

When I succumb to her enticement
And the beckoning of her waves,
I become her eager servant
And her shameless, willing slave.

The chill in her mighty, salty touch,
My mere self in her boundless embrace,
Sharing the rhythm of her shifting surf
Everything else in the world is erased.

When she slowly grows more placid
And I float limp within her peace,
I see only the blue sky up above
I hear only the sounds of the sea.

But alas she's a moody enchantress
Turning fierce when the harsh wind blows.
She'll come thundering forth without mercy
To warn me it's past time to go.

As I sit on the toasty, sparkling sand
And I watch her play tag with the shore,
People stand by her quite mesmerized,
She's a marvel that can't be ignored.

There are moments I call her my loyal chum
And I trust her implicitly.
But then she may wield all her force my way
And I realize I'm out of her league.

When the summer is drawing nigh to a close
And my visits more precious and brief,
When the chill of the winter is all there is
I'll find warmth in her sweet memory.

I will think of her beauty in the early morn
When the sun starts to light up the sky
And she shimmers upon her in sheer delight
Like bright diamonds before my eyes.

I'll imagine the boats in the distance,
The wind pushing their bright, graceful sails
The aroma of the sea and her salty bite
As I lift up my chest and inhale.

I will think of her often as time passes by
So unfettered, dynamic, and free
I'll imagine the joy when I see her again
And hope she'll be glad to see me.