Beautiful Chaos

She's got a hoodie heart,
Sneakers worn thin,
In a world where shadows wear a crooked grin.

She's a wildfire burning,
A storm in her veins,

But she craves the calm
She has yet to see.

Shes a force to be reckoned with
Like one you've never seen,
You'll never get her to fold,

She's been hurt so much
Her hearts turned cold
So cold.

Why can't you be
Not just a whisper when the world doesn't see

Looking for the hands that hold her dreams
But it's impossible it seems

She found one
Doesn't know what to say
When he asks her baby
Why can't you be soft with me?

Why so cold when your finally free!?

She trades her daylight for the lure of the night,
She gives in

Gives up the fight
Just for a night
Every kiss feels like a promise half-made
A fleeting illusion that starts to fade.


He's questioning why,
Why can't she be soft with me ?
Not only when it's dark and the world is asleep.


He's got fire in his soul
One that matches her beat,

But his touch cools the flames,
She's not ready to be tamed.


Armor is heavy
Words like a wall
But she knows what it feels like when you lose it all.
This time around she isn't afraid to fall.


She whispers
It's a prayer
It's a plea
Stay soft
Stay soft
She can't be


Why can't she stay as soft as she is when the world doesn't see
Not just a whisper when she's finally free

She wants it so badly
Looking for the one
But
Doesn't trust easily sadly.


Simple girl
Hoodie heart
It's time for a restart

I'm the queen
I owe it to me

I want safe
I want sure
No more questions
No more blur

Her whispers weave a dangerous thread
Soft lies stitched in the life she led

Show me right
Show me light

Take my hand
But don't lead me into sinking sand

My heart is healing
So you need to understand
Don't need no demands

Hoodie girl
In a hardened world
Betrayed
Hurt

Love feels unreal
My fate unfurled
I want safe
I want sure

I'll let my guard down
If I know for real

Just please stay soft with me
Fix my crown
Let me be me
But hold me down

I'll stay soft with you
If you'll stay soft with me.

Change my mind
I'm worth it I swear
Be easy
Patient
Be Kind

Stay soft
In this cold heart of mine
Hoodie girl
Sneakers worn thin
Fighting battles within
Just waiting
Waiting for him

Hoodie girl
Sneakers worn thin

Mama of three I'm doing my best
But my mind's a storm I can't suppress.
Love for my babies keeps me afloat
But the weight inside tugs at my throat.

I'm wishing for more for them to see,
A life of laughter wild and free.
They deserve the world the stars the sky
But I'm stuck here wondering why.

The mirror shows a face worn thin,
A tired heart a battle within
But their tiny hands they hold me tight
Reminding me we'll be alright.

I'm wishing for more for them to see
A life of laughter wild and free.
They deserve the world the stars the sky
But I'm stuck here wondering why.

I whisper prayers into the night,
For strength to rise and win this fight.
Their giggles echo in my soul
They're the reason I am whole.

I'm wishing for more for them to see,
A life of laughter wild and free.
They deserve the world the stars the sky
And I'll keep trying till I fly.

I'll never give up till the day I die..

Landon ,
Dresden , 
Mylah
You are the air I breathe, the reason for living.
I love you all so much!!

I'll never give up trying to give you the life I never had,
Makes my heart so sad
Some days mad.
One thing i won't do is give up no matter how much you've grown up.

You all will forever be my babies
Till the day I say goodbye but you'll always know
That one thing I always did was try,
Try to give you all the stars and the sky!!

I'll watch you forever be everything your meant to be
While your wild and free!!

Hey there
You

It's been a while
It's just me
The stars
And the moon
I've been thinking 'bout you a lot
And all the things that you've been through

See you there in your bed
Thinking
"When will this end?"

I wish I had the answer
But just know this.

You're so much stronger than you think you are
The scars on your heart
They make you who you are

You can get through this
You can get through this

I know you're tired of fallin' short
Always fighting so hard
But losing the war

I know it hurts right now
I know it hurts right now

Hey there
You
It's been a while
I just wanted to check in on you
I know you're so tired of fighting
When it feels like you always lose

I see you there on the floor
Thinking
"I can't take anymore"
I wish I had the answer
But just know this

You're so much stronger than you think you are
The scars on your heart
They make you who you are
You can get through this
You can get through this.

I know you're tired of fallin' short
Always fighting so hard
But losing the war
I know it hurts right now
I know it hurts right now

But just know this
You're so much stronger than you think you are
We've been through this before
We've been through this before

You can get through this

You got up off the floor
Even stronger than before
You can get through this.

I will get through this
I will get through this!

Why does life feel like it's trying me, testing me viciously?
Everyday it's stressing me
stressing me, got me questioning
why me?

When is it enough
What will it take
Just for a moment to catch a break.

Days feel like weeks feels like months so unsure
Everyday it's all the same

A blur, A blur

Harsh reality?
Uncertainty
Uncertainty

I feel stuck beyond measure
Lost in the days, wondering if I'm ever going to be ok.
I failed myself and my kids too
What's a single mother to do?

There's nothing to gain
Seems impossible to do but I've got so much to lose.

Everyday I'm lighting my fuse, waiting, wondering
what's it gonna take, what will it be,  when is it my turn for F ing sake ?
Why can't I be the mother I want to be, why does life have so many uncertainties?

My kids, my loves, my whole heart
Mama's so sorry we got a rough start.

I try so hard to figure it out
Not a great hand I was dealt.
One thing after another, chance after chance
Life keeps testing me, breaking me, beating me down.
Making me forget who wears the crown.

So much uncertainty,  no certainty in sight
One thing I won't do is give up, not tonight, that's a fact,
I'm bossing up now and taking back my life.

I'm going to give them all of me
I'm going to be their brightest light
The tears that fall every night will be wiped away with every fight.
Please give me the strength, the means I need to be what my babies deserve from me.

So much
So much uncertainty in this life and so much struggle to make it alright
but one thing I know for sure,
They can't take my love away from me,
They can't take my dignity
My pride or joy..

I'm coming back strong
Not only for them but for me .
The ones who doubt me, you will see
I'm going to be the best version of me!
Nothing will stop me or come in between
Building my life for my children and me.

It's never to late to fulfill your dreams, follow your heart.
Just don't look back and always, always believe.

I want my kids to be proud of me, look back and have great memories. We will create our own reality.

I'm building a life, one that they can see
My bad choices in life won't define who I'm meant to be,
no more  wondering, questioning, years of inconsistencies.

No more fear
No doubts

No more uncertainty