Funny Christmas Poems
Published: December 2018
Humorous Poems about Christmas that will you make smile. Enjoy this collection of cute rhyming Christmas poems for kids and adults about Santa Claus, the last minute rush to buy presents and spending time with family.
6 Funny Christmas Poems For Kids And Adults
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1. 'Twas The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blixen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too--
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes--how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight--
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"Featured Shared StoryI remember hearing this poem as a little youngster. I would also read this to my daughter and nephews each year right before Christmas! It is a wonderful poem to share with your family!...
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2. O Christmas Tree
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
You truly are a beauty.
I used to love to put you up,
Now it's a dreaded duty.
Lugging you out from storage
Gets more strenuous each year,
And assembling all your branchy parts
Does not fill me with cheer.
Then each and every little stem
I tediously unflatten.
Your artificial symmetry,
It doesn't...just...happen.
Next challenge is your tree lights,
Which I always have to wrangle.
No matter how I've coiled them,
They unwind in a tangle.
A few choice words escape me
As I clear the final knot,
Then turn to find the other end
Has formed another clot.
I string them from your branches,
Draping with the greatest care,
To find that I've run out of lights,
Your bottom third still bare.
After some more botched attempts
They're artfully arranged.
Your lights are nice and even
Though I'm feeling quite deranged.
These days the decorating
Doesn't hold the same appeal.
Now that the kids are all grown up,
It's left for me to deal.
I miss the days when they were young,
We'd trim your boughs together.
With Christmas carols playing,
They are memories I treasure.
Your ornaments now look just right
From every viewing angle,
But at your back against the wall,
The not so nice ones dangle.
At long last the job is done.
It's taken me all day;
Too worn out to appreciate
Your beautiful display.
On Christmas Day you play your part,
All twinkling in resplendence,
With family all gathered round
And opening their presents.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
A sight extraordinary;
Must steel myself to pack you up,
It's almost February!Featured Shared StoryNo Stories yet, You can be the first!
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3. A Visit From Santa
'Twas the week before Christmas and without fail
we still did not have our cards in the mail.
Our Christmas letter was blank, not even a line.
The address book lost (as it was most of the time).
I had just finished "Leno" and was headed to bed
when my wife threw a box of cards at my head.
"They're your friends, too," she shouted at me.
"The least you could do is finish the tree!"
I knew right then there was no place to hide.
Grabbed the tinsel and lights and headed outside.
Now where was this tree she went on about?
I had not seen it. Was it inside the house?
When all of a sudden from above came a noise.
I looked up to the sky and down fell a toy.
And then fell another, toys all over the ground.
I dropped all the tinsel and turned right around.
There on my roof was a herd of reindeer
and a jolly fat man dressed up in red gear.
Now I was no slouch and guessed right away
this must be Santa and that was his sleigh.
His arms gripped my chimney, his head down the flue.
By the sounds, I would guess that he just had a few.
I shouted "Hey, Santa! Why the sleigh and reindeer?
You're a week early and you shouldn't be here."
His head rose up slowly and he looked all around
until finally he noticed me there on the ground.
"Where am I?" he whispered and then held his head.
"The last thing I remember was going to bed.
"The elves had a party since their job was done.
They spiked the eggnog and I had more than one."
"Let me help you," I said. "Get these toys back in place.
Come on in for some coffee and to clean up your face."
I thought for a moment, "Should I tell my wife?"
But Santa and I needed no more lectures that night.
While he had his coffee I found his lost sack,
untangled the reindeer and put the toys back.
He thanked me profusely and I pointed his way,
and as I walked back inside I heard my wife say,
"The problem with you is no Christmas spirit!"
With a smile I looked up and said, "Whatever you say, Dearest."Featured Shared StoryNo Stories yet, You can be the first!
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4. Two Letters To Santa
I wrote a letter to Santa
To make sure he would know
It's only two weeks until Christmas
And we still don't have any snow.
Just didn't want his reindeer
To have to work too hard.
I was afraid they might get stuck
In the mud outside in our yard.
I mailed my letter on Monday,
Only two days ago.
As I dropped it in the mailbox,
It slowly started to snow.
It's been snowing ever since,
More as each day goes by.
I'm getting kind of worried now
That Santa will think I lied.
I'll write another letter
And mail it off today.
Tell Santa not to worry,
There'll be lots of snow for his sleigh.Featured Shared StoryNo Stories yet, You can be the first!
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5. Pets In The North Pole
Hear Ye, Hear Ye there is much to do,
But the reindeer up north have caught the flu!
The presents are wrapped, the sleigh is all set,
So instead of reindeer, we're using your pets.
Just show them this note on Christmas Eve,
So when the time comes, they'll be ready to leave.
We'll take dogs, we'll take snakes, we'll take hamsters and cats.
We'll take frogs, we'll take lizards, we'll even take bats!
We'll pretty much take whatever you've got.
For Santa's sleigh, we'll need a lot.
Your pet should leave when you're asleep,
So don't make a sound or a peep.
When your pet comes to fly the sleigh,
I'll make them fly, I'll show them the way.
We'll soar through the night up high in the sky.
Looking down at the houses as we fly on by.
Oh, and thank you for helping Santa Claus.
From your old pal, Santa Paws.Featured Shared StoryThis has so much imagination! Really cute.
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6. It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
(sung to the tune of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year") - with apologies to Andy Williams
It's the most fattening time of the year
There'll be pizza and dim sum, oh yes, please, I'll have some
And one more root beer
It's the most fattening time of the year
It's the fat-fatteningest season of all
With those holiday dinners I'm not getting thinner, not even at all
It's the fat-fatteningest season of all
There'll be turkeys for roasting, buffets that I'm coasting
And piling my plate oh so high
'Cause this holiday eating is diet-defeating
So hand me some more of that pie!
It's the most unhealthy time of the year
My cholesterol and BP are both way up on me
But my meds are near!
I can start on that diet next year!
There'll be stuffing and swilling, by me oh so willing
My "fat pants" will be very tight
From the First of November 'till way past December
My blood work will be out of sight!
(Grow, my thighs!)
(The BIG FINISH!)
It's the most fattening time of the year!
There'll be much guilty pleasure, and way too much leisure
While growing my rear!
It's the most fattening time!
What I'm doing to me is a crime!
Oh the most fattening time - of the year!Featured Shared StoryThanks for the laugh. I love your version of the song, and your clever lyrics fit perfectly. To me, it's especially funny because it is so relatable (sigh), and I think we have a similar...
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