Funny Christmas Poems

Published: December 2018

Funny Christmas Poems For Kids And Adults

7 Funny Christmas Poems For Kids And Adults

Humorous Poems about Christmas that will you make smile. Enjoy this collection of cute rhyming Christmas poems for kids and adults about Santa Claus, the last minute rush to buy presents and spending time with family.

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    Clement Clarke Moore wrote this poem in 1822 for his own children. It is also referenced with the title, "A Visit from St. Nicholas". The poem is the origin for many of the modern notions of Santa Claus, his plump and cheerful white-bearded look, the names of his reindeer, and even the tradition that he brings toys to children.

    'Twas The Night Before Christmas

    in Famous Holiday Poems

    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
    The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
    In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
    The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
    While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
    And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
    Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,
    When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to the window I flew like a flash,
    Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
    The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
    Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
    When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
    But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
    With a little old driver so lively and quick,
    I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
    More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
    "Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
    On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blixen!
    To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
    Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
    As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
    When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
    So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
    With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too--
    And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
    The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
    As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
    Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
    He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
    And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
    A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
    And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
    His eyes--how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
    His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
    His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
    And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
    The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
    And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
    He had a broad face and a little round belly
    That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
    He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
    And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
    A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
    Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
    And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
    And laying his finger aside of his nose,
    And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
    He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
    And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
    But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight--
    "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

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    I remember hearing this poem as a little youngster. I would also read this to my daughter and nephews each year right before Christmas! It is a wonderful poem to share with your family!...

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    I have a love/hate relationship with our artificial Christmas tree. I didn't fully think it through when I purchased the largest one I could find. In recent years, I have debated whether putting it up is worth the effort, but of course it always is - it just wouldn't be Christmas without it.

    O Christmas Tree

    Humorous Poem About Putting Up The Christmas Tree

    in Christmas Poems

    O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
    You truly are a beauty.
    I used to love to put you up,
    Now it's a dreaded duty.

    Lugging you out from storage
    Gets more strenuous each year,
    And assembling all your branchy parts
    Does not fill me with cheer.

    Then each and every little stem
    I tediously unflatten.
    Your artificial symmetry,
    It doesn't...just...happen.

    Next challenge is your tree lights,
    Which I always have to wrangle.
    No matter how I've coiled them,
    They unwind in a tangle.

    A few choice words escape me
    As I clear the final knot,
    Then turn to find the other end
    Has formed another clot.

    I string them from your branches,
    Draping with the greatest care,
    To find that I've run out of lights,
    Your bottom third still bare.

    After some more botched attempts
    They're artfully arranged.
    Your lights are nice and even
    Though I'm feeling quite deranged.

    These days the decorating
    Doesn't hold the same appeal.
    Now that the kids are all grown up,
    It's left for me to deal.

    I miss the days when they were young,
    We'd trim your boughs together.
    With Christmas carols playing,
    They are memories I treasure.

    Your ornaments now look just right
    From every viewing angle,
    But at your back against the wall,
    The not so nice ones dangle.

    At long last the job is done.
    It's taken me all day;
    Too worn out to appreciate
    Your beautiful display.

    On Christmas Day you play your part,
    All twinkling in resplendence,
    With family all gathered round
    And opening their presents.

    O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
    A sight extraordinary;
    Must steel myself to pack you up,
    It's almost February!

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    As a child growing up in Newfoundland, I remember one Christmas when there was no snow a week before Christmas and how concerned I was that Santa might not be able to come without it. But, ah not to worry, by Christmas Eve we had at least a foot of snow on the ground. I can still remember the intense relief I felt that Santa would have no problem getting to my house.

    Two Letters To Santa

    in Christmas Poems

    I wrote a letter to Santa
    To make sure he would know
    It's only two weeks until Christmas
    And we still don't have any snow.

    Just didn't want his reindeer
    To have to work too hard.
    I was afraid they might get stuck
    In the mud outside in our yard.

    I mailed my letter on Monday,
    Only two days ago.
    As I dropped it in the mailbox,
    It slowly started to snow.

    It's been snowing ever since,
    More as each day goes by.
    I'm getting kind of worried now
    That Santa will think I lied.

    I'll write another letter
    And mail it off today.
    Tell Santa not to worry,
    There'll be lots of snow for his sleigh.

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    I wrote this poem after coming home from a chaotic Christmas Eve shopping trip. I think everyone can relate.

    The Eve Before Christmas

    • By Linda J. Doucett
    • Published: June 2017
    Last Minute Christmas Shopping

    in Funny Life Poems

    'Twas the eve before Christmas.
    I left it too late.
    The shelves are all bare.
    Oh, why did I wait?

    I swore I'd shop early,
    I clearly remember,
    And be done with it all
    By the first of December.

    But now here I am
    With picked-over stock.
    The boxes are crumpled
    On the Marvel knockoffs.

    Sweaters too big,
    Slippers too small.
    The pushing the grabbing,
    Get me out of this mall.

    I will stop at the drug store
    And purchase a card
    And fill it with money.
    Why make life hard?

    It always fits
    And suits everyone's taste.
    No need to wrap it.
    That's just a waste.

    But should you not like it,
    Dear, have no fear,
    If you'd like to return it,
    My pocket's right here.

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    The classic "A Visit From Santa" MEETS Thomas Friedman's "The World Is Flat" in what could well become a new holiday classic. The birth of the world wide web has changed everything, forever, and for those not prepared, earning a living could be a challenge.

    A 21st Century Visit From Santa

    • By Brooke Jones
    • Published: December 2010

    in Christmas Poems

    T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house
    Not a creature was sleeping -- not pet, child or spouse.
    The people were tossing and turning in beds
    With visions of bills dancing 'round in their heads.
    Their wood chairs were stacked in the fireplace by three's
    If it burns through the night then the family won't freeze.

    Then out on the street they heard glass start to shatter
    They jumped up in fright with their teeth all a-chatter
    They peeked out their windows and under the stars,
    saw a red-suited fat man repossessing their cars.
    He tied each to his sled and affixed them with chains
    Then plopped in his seat and snapped with his reins:

    "On Beemer, on Caddie, on Lexus, and Ford,
    On Volvo, on Prius, on Honda Accord."

    Then off he did fly like a lumbering float
    But not before he had texted this note:

    "Beware dear America, for you've not seen the light
    You still think 'the good life' is your natural birth right.
    Thanks to Internet access, this world's grown quite small
    The Windows are open where once there were walls.
    The Earth may look round, but it's flattening fast
    And those now in first place may soon be in last.

    Study science and math -- learn a skill that is new,
    If you don't, your job prospects are sure to be few.
    Your Santa's been outsourced -- I'm a Bangalore Gnome
    Your bank has just emailed -- they've foreclosed on your home
    And not long ago your boss faxed to say
    You've just lost your job and your 401-K"

    Then off in the distance we heard him opine:
    "There are millions in Asia now standing in line!
    Merry Christmas to all and to all lots o' luck
    Take heed of my words or you'll surely be *^#*ed".

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    Why does this sound like it may happen... Awesome poem by the way.

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    I have a cat at home named Maxine. She is very playful, and I love her so much. I just wanted her to enjoy Christmas as much as I do, so I wrote this poem for her. It really helps you imagine what it would be like if your pet was one of Santa's helpers flying through the air on Christmas Eve. It really does make you laugh thinking about what it would be like.

    Pets In The North Pole

    Funny Christmas Poem About Santa Claus

    in Animal Poems for Kids

    Hear Ye, Hear Ye there is much to do,
    But the reindeer up north have caught the flu!

    The presents are wrapped, the sleigh is all set,
    So instead of reindeer, we're using your pets.

    Just show them this note on Christmas Eve,
    So when the time comes, they'll be ready to leave.

    We'll take dogs, we'll take snakes, we'll take hamsters and cats.
    We'll take frogs, we'll take lizards, we'll even take bats!

    We'll pretty much take whatever you've got.
    For Santa's sleigh, we'll need a lot.

    Your pet should leave when you're asleep,
    So don't make a sound or a peep.

    When your pet comes to fly the sleigh,
    I'll make them fly, I'll show them the way.

    We'll soar through the night up high in the sky.
    Looking down at the houses as we fly on by.

    Oh, and thank you for helping Santa Claus.
    From your old pal, Santa Paws.

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    This has so much imagination! Really cute.

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    I published my first poem in 1965 when I was in the sixth grade. It was entitled "Casey on the Gridiron" and was published in Reader's Magazine, a national school magazine. Since then I have written hundreds of poems - primarily for family, friends - and the occasional school/college assignments. Most have been humorous and a few serious. All have been well received. While my job today is extremely technical and demanding, I still enjoy writing poetry - along with an occasional technical book.

    A Visit From Santa

    • By Mike Dahlmeier
    • Published: March 2010

    in Christmas Poems

    'Twas the week before Christmas and without fail
    we still did not have our cards in the mail.
    Our Christmas letter was blank, not even a line.
    The address book lost (as it was most of the time)

    I had just finished "Leno" and was headed to bed
    when my wife threw a box of cards at my head.
    "They're your friends, too," she shouted at me.
    "The least you could do is finish the tree!"

    I knew right then there was no place to hide.
    Grabbed the tinsel and lights and headed outside.
    Now where was this tree she went on about?
    I had not seen it. Was it inside the house?

    When all of a sudden from above came a noise.
    I looked up to the sky and down fell a toy.
    And then fell another, toys all over the ground.
    I dropped all the tinsel and turned right around.

    There on my roof was a herd of reindeer
    and a jolly fat man dressed up in red gear.
    Now I was no slouch and guessed right away
    this must be Santa and that was his sleigh.

    His arms gripped my chimney, his head down the flue.
    By the sounds I would guess that he just had a few.
    I shouted "Hey, Santa! Why the sleigh and reindeer?
    You're a week early and you shouldn't be here."

    His head rose up slowly and he looked all around
    until finally he noticed me there on the ground.
    "Where am I?" he whispered and then held his head
    "The last thing I remember was going to bed.

    "The elves had a party since their job was done.
    They spiked the eggnog and I had more than one."
    "Let me help you," I said. "Get these toys back in place.
    Come on in for some coffee and to clean up your face."

    I thought for a moment, "Should I tell my wife?"
    But Santa and I needed no more lectures that night.
    While he had his coffee I found his lost sack
    Untangled the reindeer and put the toys back.

    He thanked me profusely and I pointed his way
    And as I walked back inside I heard my wife say,
    "The problem with you is no Christmas spirit!"
    With a smile I looked up and said, "Whatever you say, Dearest."

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