TEAH LEE-ANNE. KAYNE

As you turn back the hands of time
And remember the implausible moments that have been
Do you shake your head in disbelief
Or do you believe and take it on the chin?

You all know about my stint in the crazy place
And what was going on behind my back
My family had gotten rid of all my goods and chattels
They had even killed my cat

I was sitting out in the crazy place  courtyard reading
Surrounded by my newfound friends
One of them pointed up to the sky
There was something that was long, white and fluffy that had caught her eye

The courtyard was contained by a 10' high rock wall
There was no wind so I couldn't blame the weather
Although I'd not seen a bird all day
Common sense said it was probably a feather

In all the space of the courtyard it could have landed
It made a beeline for my lap
I was wide awake I wasn't dreaming
I wasn't taking a wee nap

The closer it got the more confusion reigned
Although it was small, it's details stood out
It was long and fluffy and white
I don't know why, but I couldn't let it out of my sight

I didn't move, I was frozen in shock
I wasn't game to engage
But then a tiny wift of wind emerged
Floating it onto the previous page

The book I'd been reading was Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
Not what you would call a classic
But there were
specific words in that specific paragraph that caught my eye
'Now is the time to say goodbye'
Maybe you have a tolerance
Has your penny dropped yet?
Yeah, it took awhile for mine to drop too
It wasn't until I put A, B and C together
That I realised it wasn't a feather

I couldn't believe what I was seeing
This type of long white fluffy tuft of hair
Could only have come from my Joe
He had lots and lots of long white fluffy tufts of hair
Between each and every toe

Unbeknownst to me at the time
This was the day my
Joey had been killed
He had sent me something only I would recognise
Tears welled up in my eyes

Over the top?
What a load of hogwash?
This story is not up to you to believe
If you had known the depth of our love
Maybe would you have more tolerance
Methinks It would nullify your nonchalance

I was busy decorating the Christmas tree
Carefully placing tinsel and baubles all around
Although I had a noisy energetic 4 year old in the living room
I couldn't hear a single sound

By the time I got to laying the lights
Curiosity made me investigate
She was sitting at the bottom of the staires
Looking sad and forlorn and desperate

She had been playing with the tinsel
And put it in her mouth
I could see she was starting to choke
As she tried to regurgitate it out

She had sucked it up too hard
Causing it to slide down her throat
The chances of her getting it out herself
Were nothing short of remote

What have you done you silly girl
She was staring at me intensely
She couldn't talk as her mouth was full of tinsel
Being the point of entry

I gave the tinsel a tiny pull but it wouldn't move
It was tangled up inside her tummy
I could see in her eyes she was pleading at me
Please do something to help me Mummy

I put in an urgent phone call
To someone who would know more than me
She could hear the fear in my voice
As I pleaded my case desperately

There's nothing you can do
If it's gone down further than her mouth
You will have to have patience and wait till tomorrow
And pray to God the other end it comes out

I retrieved a pair of scissors and cut it
Fearing she would panic and suck in more
I picked her up and gave her a cuddle
Her little throat must have been so raw

And lo and behold the following day it was out
I heaved a sigh of relief
I wasn't shocked or surprised this had happened
She had always been full of mischief

The reason this story has just come to mind
Is because Billy keeps chasing the cotton
The fear I felt when this happened to a previous fur-baby
Has never been forgotten

I was busy decorating the Christmas tree
Carefully placing tinsel and baubles all around
Although I had an energetic 4 year old in the living room
I couldn't hear a single sound

By the time I got to laying the lights
Curiosity made me investigate
She was sitting at the bottom of the staires
Looking sad and forlorn and desperate

She had been playing with the tinsel
And put it in her mouth
I could hear her start to choke
As she tried to regurgitate  it out

She had sucked it up too hard
Causing it to slide down her throat
The chances of her getting it out herself
Were nothing short of remote

What have you done you silly girl
She was staring at me intensely
She couldn't talk as her mouth was full of tinsel
Being the point of entry

I gave the tinsel a tiny pull but it wouldn't move
It was tangled up inside her tummy
I could see in her eyes she was scared
Please do something to help me Mummy

I put in an urgent phone call
To someone who would know more than me
She could hear the fear in my voice
As I pleaded my case desperately

There's nothing you can do
If it's gone down further than her mouth
You will have to have patience and wait till tomorrow
And pray to God the other end it comes out

I retrieved a pair of scissors and cut it
Fearing she would panic and suck in more
I picked her up and gave her a cuddle
Her little throat must have been so raw

And lo and behold the following day it was out
I heaved a sigh of relief
I wasn't shocked or surprised at this dilemma
She had always been full of mischief

The reason this story just came to mind
Is because Billy keeps chasing the cotton
The memory of this happening to a previous fur-baby
Has never been forgotten

You entered my world on a hot summers day
Without making a single sound
You were in such a hurry to leave the womb
You slept thru the whole ordeal

With my head still in a whirl
I heard the doctor say
Congratulations my dear
You are now the Proud Mama
Of a beautiful wee baby girl

I brushed my fingers thru your hair
I kissed your tiny pink nose
I counted your fingers
And I counted your toes
That's just what we do
Every mother knows

I took you home as proud as could be
I wanted the world to see
This precious little bundle
That belonged to only me

I nursed you, I changed your nappies
And then I put you to sleep
I loved reading you poetry
Maybe one day it will make a difference
It certainly did for me

From baby to girl
How the time flew
Where did all those years go
I needed to fix all the clocks in the house
I needed to make them go slow

Then one day I woke up and my little girl had grown
A teenager now stood in her place
She had big blue eyes And long blonde hair
Cascading around her beautiful face

Yes we had the proverbial arguments
The occasional fusses and fights
But we always made up with a good-night kiss
Before I turned out the lights

My teenager has again grown
In her place now stood a woman
To say I'm a Proud Mama would be an understatement
When I look back at how she's completed my life
My eyes begin to well up  with amazement

She is now a happily married woman
With a beautiful girl of her own
Now she gets to sit back with unbridled pride
And watch her baby girl grow
Just like I had to
All those years ago

She has never wanted to meet her bio
It was her decision to make
I wasn't prepared to push the issue
There was far too much at stake

She knows his name, his phone number and his address
But she's not made any contact
As she gets older
I hope this desicion she will not regret

We took a chance and we paid the price
We'd both decided this was to be the last
The split between us was amicable
But when the shit hit the fan
It soon became intolerable

I only made the one demand
If I was to ever hear a denial
I would have him in court in a heartbeat
He would be supporting this child

I have never believed in coincidence
But I was forced to do a 180
He was going to be walking down the aisle
The exact same time as I was giving birth to our baby

Eventually I received the expected call
He wanted to meet my girl
My answer came quick and strong
Not on your bloody life
It was then I heard the extension
I was also talking to his wife

She wanted to know my daughter's birth date
I knew where this was heading
She was about to do the count-back
From the day of conception
To the day of her wedding

I told her what she wanted to know
It was no skin off my nose
You know what this means don't you
The phone went dead, methinks she froze

For 25 years he'd been lying to her
And foolishly she'd believed his story
But now that she knew the truth
Methinks he was about to go out in a blaze of not so much glory

A few years later we did a catch up
The years had been kinder to me
I was calm, cool and collected
Until we sat down for a cup of tea

If you've seen the film Jerry Maguire
You'd remember that famous line
'You Had Me At Hello'
The very first thing he said as he sat down
Was difficult to swallow

What he said rocked me to the core
He'd completely caught me off guard
No one has ever said that to me before

Did you bring any pics of OUR girl
My heart almost stopped beating
He's the only person who has the right to say that
In the whole God damn world