Poems by Patricia Fleming

I feel as if I'm teetering
High above a dark, black hole,
And it's taking everything I have
Not to lose control.

My feet keep slipping off the tightrope.
My arms start flailing in mid-air.
I'm sweating 'neath the scorching sun,
Blinded by its savage glare.

I've been swaying on this tightrope now
For more than half my life.
But it seems to go on into infinity
With no terminus in sight.

One shaky foot in front of the other,
My aging body sore and stiff.
I've considered acquiescence.
Perhaps it's time for me to quit.

I'm so focused on survival
And never looking down
That I've lost sight of all the beauty
That is everywhere around.

The mountains towering over me
With white blankets on their peaks.
The green and sparkling river
Flowing swift and aimlessly.

The flawless azure cloudless sky.
Those dark moments when she weeps.
Her stars that shine so bright at night
To safely guide my weary feet.

Eagles soaring to their nests.
The distant valleys deep and green.
All of nature's busy creatures
Who roam this earth so free.

Those people who keep watch for me
To catch me if I lose my balance.
Who have staggered on their own tightropes
So are well acquainted with the challenge.

They keep vigil from a distance
And have done their best to understand
That I need to make this trek alone
To become everything I am.

The days and nights are passing now.
My body's weak, but my will is strong.
I stop and rest more frequently,
But I recover and move on.

I've been meandering this tightrope now
For more than half my life,
Surviving good and bad days too,
But never giving up the fight.

And those who really love me
Who have never lost their faith,
Have helped convince me through it all
This was a journey I could make.

So to all of you who are like me,
Walking that fine and tottering line,
Just put one foot before the other,
And you'll master it in time.

I searched but never found you.
The paths we traveled never crossed
And now my life is winding down,
And I fear all hope is lost.

I saved a place inside my heart.
You were often in my dreams.
But you stayed always at a distance
And just beyond my reach.

I wondered if you grieved for me
And felt that longing deep inside.
Did you search the world for me in vain?
Or did you let that need subside?

Oh, I had my share of love and loss.
I knew happiness and pain.
I loved and was loved in return
But that emptiness remained.

I missed you though we never touched,
And I knew you from the start.
Your soul was mate to my own soul.
You shared the beating of my heart.

Time passed, but still you never came,
Though I never let you go.
You were a gift that I was promised,
The greatest love I'd ever know.

I wondered if our eyes once met,
But we chose to look away
And settled on some other loves
And thus our destinies betray.

This life is cruel and fickle.
It can lead our hearts astray
And blind us to what matters,
Putting roadblocks in our way.

Our searching becomes futile
When distractions take control.
We can't hear the pleading of our hearts
Or the desperation in our souls.

But you and I were meant to be,
Our souls met long ago.
So when the time is right for us,
Somehow, we both will know.

And maybe up in Heaven
Our souls will finally meet
And we'll share our love eternally
And forevermore we'll feel complete.

There was a time he loved her.
Now it's clear there's nothing there.
He walks around so flippantly
With no interest or a care.

Through his silence he berates her.
He flaunts the coldness in his eyes.
Neither her tortured sobs nor pleading words
Can make him sympathize.

To him she's just an afterthought,
An object to be used,
A service to be rendered,
A shattered ego to abuse.

He's Dr. Jekyll with the world to see
But Mr. Hyde behind closed doors,
And each time she tries to rise again,
He knocks her back down to the floor.

He has no conscience to control him.
His heart beats for him alone.
She's a peasant to his royalty
As he perches on his throne.

He's a narcissistic bully
Who rubs her wounds with salt.
He degrades, destroys and disregards
Without a guilty thought.

But she fears he'll never let her go
And she knows he'll never change.
Promises are made and broken
But his cruelty still remains.

But time is passing quickly now.
She's in the twilight of her years
And it's her hope and consolation
That her days are numbered here.

But perhaps when she's no longer there
For him to just keep beating down,
He'll see how weak he really is
When there's no one to push around.

How do you measure success in this life?
And who should decide if you fail?
Do life's sweet temptations guide you along?
Or in the end does your conscience prevail?

Is life just a game that you play every day?
Bending the rules for yourself?
Desperately chasing material goals
To the ruin of everything else.

Do you cherish the people around you?
Or do you squander the love that they share.
Do you take time to notice the efforts they make?
Or do you treat them as if they aren't there?

Do you wake up each morning just grateful to be?
Thanking God when you open your eyes?
And how many dawns do you gaze at the sky,
And stop to behold the sun rise?

How many moments in the course of your day
Do you treasure each second of time?
Embracing the sad and sweet that is there,
With the whole of your heart, soul and mind.

And despite any anger you suffer inside,
From the hurt and betrayals of life,
Do you manage to keep your own self-respect?
Or are you led by your own foolish pride?

Do you live by the motto forgive and forget,
Or consumed by the need for revenge?
Do you try every day to live open in truth,
Or is your life just a game of pretend?

For those who are young and new to this world,
So filled with your hopes and your dreams,
Take my advice, don't complicate life.
It is simpler than sometimes it seems.

For when you have reached the twilight of life,
All the answers are finally revealed.
And that searching and struggle that left you confused
With hindsight becomes crystal clear.

Hold fast to that childhood passion and awe.
Cling to each moment you get.
Let your heart feel completely each feeling you have,
And give the people you love all your best.

Don't waste or misuse this wonderful gift.
Don't surrender or grow too complacent.
Remember in the end it's all up to you,
And life can be all that you make it.

I saw a shadow passing by,
Thinking it just a trick of the eye.
I turned on the light, but no one was there,
Though I noticed a fragrance, thick in the air.

Convinced all was well, I lay myself down,
But then, without warning, came a frightening sound.
I could hear right beside me, so crystal clear,
Someone was breathing right in my ear.

I turned on the light and jumped out of my bed,
This time I was certain it was not in my head.
The quiet that followed seemed abnormally loud,
And there, in the doorway, I saw a dark cloud.

It floated right toward me as fast as could be,
And then it just stopped, quite suddenly.
And there I could see an old woman's shape,
Dressed in a flowing, black, hooded cape.

Slowly her eyes looked straight into mine,
I felt locked in her stare for what seemed a long time.
But then she just smiled a sick, toothless grin.
As she lapsed into a wild and swift, twirling spin.

I felt mesmerized by this terrible sight,
Unable to move, paralyzed with fright.
And then once again came that sweet, sickening smell,
Perhaps, I was smelling the doorway to hell.

A sinister cackling filled up the room,
She sounded like a murderous, malevolent loon.
She reached out her hands with black, claw-like nails,
And then from her mouth came a torturous wail.

Her spinning slowed down and came to stop,
Just like a child's toy, spinning top.
And then she was gone, she just disappeared.
But I sat there unmoving, still lost in stark fear.

Then I crawled back to bed and curled up by the light.
Grasping my Bible with all of my might.
Praying and praying with heartfelt concern,
That this monstrous spirit might make a return.

I watched as the clock ticked the long night away,
Longing for the light of a brand new day.
And over and over, I relived what I'd seen,
And then suddenly remembered, it was Halloween.

Well it gave me relief; I now lay there quite calm,
The horror I felt was suddenly gone.
That crazy old woman was supposed to be there,
On this day, above all, I deserved one good scare.

Well I felt like a load had been lifted from me,
And as I relaxed I fell quickly to sleep.
But I never forgot what that night I had seen,
And when I was treated to a true Halloween.

I'll post all those pictures of me having fun,
Wearing my happiest grin.
Add a few comments to enhance the effect,
And impress all my great Facebook friends.

Make them think that my life is fulfilling,
That I'm truly the best I can be.
Fill up my page with bullshit and lies,
So they all will be jealous of me.

Or perhaps I should post some Political views,
And appear quite informed and so smart.
Creating a page that can trigger debate,
Is an envious Facebook art.

Or maybe I'll take a more spiritual tact,
Sending Blessings to all of my friends.
What a kind and generous gesture,
Who cares if it's all just pretend.

I could certainly post a poem of mine,
And show them how deep I can be.
They be in such awe of the talent I have
They'll wish they could all be like me.

I wonder just how many likes I will get,
And maybe a comment or two.
But what if they simply ignore me today?
I just don't know what I will do.

Comparing my page to all of my friends,
Can cause me such worry and pain.
They have far more likes and a long list of friends,
It makes me feel insecure and ashamed.

I wake up each day and the first thing I do,
Is open my own Facebook page.
And the attention it drew has such an effect,
It can make or break my whole day.

I could never imagine that now in old age,
I'd have such a need to be liked.
And discovering that people really don't care,
Could fill me with panic and fright.

To be young in this world must be terribly hard,
When social media sets the standard so high.
And it constantly stalks and berates our poor youth,
Leading to anger, withdrawal and suicide.

As for myself, I took down my page,
I refuse to engage in such farce.
But when you are young and unsure yourself,
Such rejection can tear you apart.

So take care of the young that you have in your life,
Don't let social media win.
Nurture and protect their fragile esteem,
Be a true and accepting, real friend.