Regret Poems

We will be what we could be. Do not say,
    "It might have been, had not or that, or this."
No fate can keep us from the chosen way;
    He only might who is.

We will do what we could do. Do not dream
    Chance leaves a hero, all uncrowned to grieve.
I hold, all men are greatly what they seem;
    He does who could achieve.

We will climb where we could climb. Tell me not
    Of adverse storms that kept thee from the height.
What eagle ever missed the peak he sought?
    He always climbs who might.

I do not like the phrase, "It might have been!"
    It lacks all force, and life's best truths perverts:
For I believe we have, and reach, and win,
    Whatever our deserts.

For every time that I broke down
There was a fake smile to cover the frown
I hid behind lies when things got tough
Forced myself to think it was enough
My tears were masked by the rain
Unseen by all, alone with my pain
Each night was a cover to hide my cries
To keep from showing all these lies
If I could go back, I'd change it all
Stop myself from starting to fall
Consumed by hatred, I lost all sight
I knew what was wrong but it felt so right
I couldn't live without the pain
Or the anger pulsing through my vein
Each truth a lie I learned to hold
While watching each one start to unfold
If I could go back, all that would change
These diamond lies wouldn't seem so strange
I'd undo my lies and make them true
Hold on tightly to all that I do
Forget the bad, and think of only each day
And what's to come, without dismay
I'd forget that I cried those tears
Remember only every one of my fears
I'd try to be everything that I lost
Before I fell, remember the cost
Hope for the best, and try to be
All that died when I lost me
I'd turn back time to redo all this
And relive the life I almost missed
Only if I could turn it back
I'd find everything that I started to lack
No longer would fake smiles appear
They'd be true with nothing to fear
It'd be as though it was a dream
That came one night to make it seem
As though this was really true
But now there's only one thing I must do
Go back in time and erase this pain
Wash it away on rivers of rain
All this could happen if I went back
And once again in my life, I'd be on the right track.

do your secrets rip and roar?
do they tear at you with open claws?
do your secrets dig down deep?
do the make you want to speak?
and also sometimes make you weep?
why'd I do it in the first place when I knew it was along?
I wonder how secrets can be kept for so long?
I wish I could just turn back time,
so that everything will all be fine.
I have never felt this love I feel,
I know that this time it's finally real.
I have been the lucky one,
he'll never know the rotten things I've done,
but what will happen if my secrets finally escape?
will I break down, or die in a lake?
even though now there in the past,
I wonder how long my secrets will last?

Old memories, old actions, old regrets,
It seems someone never forgets,
They seem to return over and over again,
When will they disappear,
When, when, when...

Why are the details so important,
They aren't even related to us.
Do they really have to add up,
Or have to be continuous?

Feels like being stuck in the past.
I am curious to how long it will last.
It eats away the present oh so fast,
That even our future will become the past.

I sit here now in darkness, living on my own,
A life of existence, white walls, my home
With rooms that sometimes resonated with laughter
Saw also tears of much sadness, pain, suffering, and anger.

For death entered the lives of those now dearly lost,
But also estrangement, which pursues me in silence, endlessly,
Creating prison cells of emptiness, loneliness, and memories,
Casting shadows within those silent, empty rooms.

The tears I shed quietly, along roads of darkness,
Following footsteps of abandonment, this eternal loneliness
And utter sadness I feel, for those who have gone,
The memories that will forever so quietly linger on.

For the pain of the past and fleeting glimpses
Which sometimes drown within my tortuous soul
Appearing vividly, when I allow them to be more than just images
Burn with searing heat, painfully, and once more take control.

No words could ever express or even begin
To describe the desolation of loss and of grief
And the photographs of sometimes happier days
I dare not see and are hidden from even me.

Some days are just too hard and weary to travel
And nights seemingly drown in voids of blackness
Depicted within my mind, endless, and too barren,
For I loved too much and now am so saddened.

Life has not been that which I grew to believe
Providing me with a future of smiles and love
The sadness which I now find to be so close to me
Is sometimes my solace, my friend, and all I can see.

My road through life has been rough and lonely
Though I have tried so hard to find joy and peace.
Yet the faster I ran to catch the winds within my grasp,
They only blew harder, remaining just out of my reach.

I see families with smiles, holding hands with care
Reminding me yet again of my own saddened emptiness.
Another day awakens, though my spirit remains quiet
And night once more is filled with shadows of blackness.

I faithfully believed that with my truest given love
And commitment I gave to all of those in need
Would allow my life to be complete with joy and hugs
And tears would never fall through the love I never received.

My road, now, has almost now come to a close
And the weariness I feel will soon come to an end.
I'm so very tired of the winds escaping my grasp,
Running so hard to catch that which was not to be.

I have suffered the result of giving far too much,
For when you love too deeply, you fall too hard.
Eternal nights will one day blend with summers of gold
Infinite tears will never again fall, and hearts won't be cold.

Vivid memories of the past of things that never were
And realization of all that should and may have been
The struggles which always became more oceans to swim
Never reaching the end, for now silence is my solitary friend.