Poems by Pat Fleming

At first his knocks were timid
but his intentions were depraved.
I felt my darkest fears arising
as he grew more angry and half-crazed.

His kicks and pounds upon my door
became more outraged and resolved
and the moment more horrific
as all sanity dissolved.

I screamed for someone please to help.
I begged against his rising rage.
My home was not my safe place now
but a terrifying cage.

My husband pressed against the door,
would help arrive too late?
As the Monster shouted vile threats,
I feared the worst would be our fate.

I felt filled with such confusion.
What had we done to stir such hate?
This Monster, once our quiet friend,
whatever brought him to this state?

Suddenly the battered door was breached.
My husband fought with all his might.
He was determined he would save us
and he was now prepared to fight.

Then with a simple kitchen knife,
he sliced the Monster's arm.
The door slammed shut as the Coward ran
in petrified alarm.

The police broke through the downstairs door
and subdued the bleeding beast.
I could feel the thumping of my heart.
as I buckled at the knees.

My precious home was now destroyed.
My soul forever scarred.
My mood had sunken to a depth
that was empty, cold and dark.

Still my tears have gone on endlessly.
Sleep evades me every night.
I feel detached from those around me
in an unceasing state of fright.

My mind seems dim and cluttered.
My heart shattered into bits.
My soul cries out for vengeance
as I sink into a hate-filled pit.

And here I am inside that pit,
too weak and tired now to care.
Searching for myself in desperation
but finding me no longer there.

What if I had died that day?
and I'm just a spirit left to roam?
What if I've lost that peace forever
of my embracing "Home Sweet Home?"

For now I choose to just give up
and try my hardest to forget.
These days I just don't have the strength
to ponder my regrets.

Just let me be alone for now
and don't think too ill of me.
Forgive my melancholy
and please don't say that I am weak.

Then perhaps I will return in time,
feeling hopeful and revived.
Proud that I'm still standing
because, somehow, I have survived.

As the sun starts to fade into twilight
and a peacefulness settles in,
even nature grows lazy and sleepy
as the hum of the crickets begin.

I rock to a chill, mellow rhythm
that plays to the day’s memories.
I sit tranquil and cozy on my front porch
in my pj’s and fresh scrubbed bare feet.

In the distance I hear muffled voices
and see soft lights from the neighbor’s TVs.
The motionless heat still hangs heavy
as it subtlety lures me to sleep.

But the dance of the night is seductive
so, I struggle against my fatigue.
My eyes are reflecting the firefly’s glow
and the bats as they soar above me.

The stars want to be a part of the dance
as they wink and they shoot through the sky.
The moon wears a smile as it directs tonight’s show
From its vantage point up there on high.

The smell of the sweet honeysuckle and earth
slowly and gently floats by.
The night birds sing songs to their exuberant mates
and together they fly through the sky.

A breeze starts to stir through lush green leaves
and the trees start to sway in delight.
The light of the moon pales ‘neath swarming dark clouds
And the stars slowly vanish from sight.
                                                                                                                       
An aroma of dampness surrounds me
as light raindrops begin to creep in.
They tease with cool splashes upon my hot skin
as a swift summer squall begins.

It’s growing quite late and my bed beckons me
and I feel myself slipping away.
I drift into dreams of bright waterfalls
to the sound of the soft, steady rain.

Time seems to be in a hurry.
Days rush by in the summer haze.
But I’ll never forget each fond memory
they’re tucked safely forever away.

You may not know how old she is
But I'm quite sure you'll recognize.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist
To see the ravages of time.

You may take note of all the wrinkles
That now define her aged face
Or the dark spots on her fragile hands
That no lotion can erase.

You may not hear her creaking bones
Or know how badly her feet ache.
But you are privy to her chronic pain
In the slowness of her pace.

You may discover that her hearings poor
When you try to pass her by
And find she'll gladly move aside
If you ask her eye to eye.

And therein lies the tragedy
Of living well beyond your prime
Even if your heart is filled with love
And you still possess the sharpest mind.

All they see is time's cruel conquest
And the spoils of that fight
Not the hero of that battle
Who gave all she had for life.

Or the soul that still shines brightly
And has so much more to give.
Or that person 'neath the time-worn mask
Who only wants the chance to live.

Her smile's still quite lovely
And she'll share it willingly
Just to prove she's still a person
Who she longs for you to see.

She has her own opinions
And an accomplished view of life
And her mind is filled with knowledge
And valuable insights.

She still has a sense of humor
And loves to laugh until she cries
Her heart is open to everyone
And she has the kindest eyes.

She loves those songs of yesterday
And can still sing every word
And her sweetest memories linger there
Inside of every verse.

She is a complicated being
Who worked hard for all she earned
And has a lifetime of experience
From which we all can learn.

So, ignore that well-worn cover
That only serves to hide
A heart that's young and open
And the true warrior inside.

I'm slipping back into that hole
And my hopes are wearing thin.
I try to take a different path
Still, I hear it beckoning.

I'm traveling on a rocky road.
I trip and fall on jagged stones.
I keep wandering in circles.
I can't find my way alone.

I could call out to the wilderness
And flaunt my tears and pain.
But my voice in all that silence
Makes me feel far too ashamed.

I could return to that familiar place
And jump inside that hole
And let it swallow me again
Body, heart and soul.

Deep inside that darkness
I can finally find some peace
And immersed in all that blackness
Perhaps I'll get some sleep.

There's no one there to judge me.
I feel safer by myself.
No pretentious words of cold advice
Of how I need to get some help.

Inside that cool obscurity
All that pressure fades away.
I escape the captious carping
Hidden in the words they say.

They may think it's all self-pity
Feeling shunned and on my own.
But they know nothing of my journey
And those battles fought alone.

And now that I've grown older
My sense of loss is more extreme.
I'm running out of precious time
To see the dawn of all my dreams.

But one thing that I wish the most
That now I fear will never be
Is to look into my mirror
And truly love the me I see.

So, it's best I linger in that hole
Where no one else can see.
The remains of all those battles lost
And what is left of me.

I wake up each day
On this journey of mine,
Grabbing each moment
Of my limited time.

I don't try to hurry.
It isn't a race.
There's still much to do
In this vast, vibrant place.

But the road's been so rocky,
The rain damp and cold.
I can't cover much ground
When I'm feeling so old.

People dash by me
As if I'm not there.
In a hurry to no place,
In haste to nowhere.

My feet start to hurt.
Now I must stop and rest.
I feel my heart beating
So fast in my chest.

But I need to catch up
Or they'll leave me behind,
If my body gives out
Or I misplace my mind.

They don't seem to see
They're just chasing their ends
And each moment slighted
Will not come again.

The sun's finally shining.
The birds are in tune.
The Summer to Autumn
Will pass away soon.

Most days that I travel
I'm all on my own,
Just revisiting places
And people I've known.

Days may pass by,
I don't utter a word
My memories grow distant
My life's purpose more blurred.

Some gloomier days
I don't get out of bed,
But search for my epiphanies
In my sweet dreams instead.

But alas I keep going,
I just tarry along.
I tell all my stories
And sing some old songs

I still share my smile
When I think there's a need,
Be a friend and a confidante
To anyone who wants me.

Still I wake up each day
On this journey of mine
And I thank God for the gift
Of a little more time.

Some days are better
While Some days are worse
But there's still much to see
And new roads to traverse.

It could not be me he's thinking of
When he looks up at the soft moonlight.
And it can't be me that he's dreaming of
When he falls asleep at night.

It could not be my face that caught his eye
In the midst of his busy day
Whose beauty left him hypnotized
And at a loss for what to say.

It could not be my smile that melted his heart
Or my laughter upon the breeze.
It would not be the curves of my body
That left him limp and weak in the knees.

It surely could not be my luminous eyes
Or the touch of my skin so smooth.
It would never be just the image of me
That could trigger his amorous mood.

You see I know it could never be me
To catch a man's eye these days.
In fact if I happen to pass one by
He just looks the other way.

My eyes are not as bright anymore.
They're sagging and much too thin.
Surely, they're not the kind of place
Any man could get lost in.

My body has not aged gracefully
And my curves are far too plump.
My boobs are falling down to the floor
Along with my flatter rump.

Most often I feel invisible.
I blend into the scenery.
I'm far too old to "strut my stuff"
To get Prince Charming to notice me.

Right now feeling wanted and desired,
To be the woman of his dreams,
Is now nothing more in the scheme of my life
Than a thrilling and sweet memory.

Yes, those days of romance and passion
Have sadly passed me by
And now I just feel grateful each day
For the man growing old by my side.

We awakened to the whitest light
Seeping through the blinds.
We leapt from bed and to the windows
To take a probing peek outside.

Mounds of frigid, fluffy cotton
Stretched out as far as we could see.
The snow had fallen all night long
While we lay fast asleep.

With shrieks of pure excitement
We bundled in our warmest clothes.
We couldn't waste a minute more
For our adventures in the snow.

Bounding to the basement
Behind the boxes and the stairs,
Stood our Flying Arrow Sled
Long waiting for us there.

Out the door in just a flash,
We knew just where to go.
The place where all the kids would meet
To go sledding in the snow.

Down the street and to the pond
Where all the skaters skated.
Beside the river filled with ice
The steepest hill of all awaited.

Huffing, puffing to the top
With our sleds in tow.
Sitting with our feet to steer.
One, two three and off we'd go!

Swiftly tilting left and right,
Our faces sprayed with ice.
Flying over every bump
With delighted shouts and cries.

To the bottom with such rapid force
We'd fall laughing in the snow.
Then without the slightest hesitation
Back up the hill we all would go.

Up and down for hours long
Making memories with our friends.
Moments fading with the winter sun
A day we wished would never end.

Then tired, sore and hungry
Soaked right down to the bone.
We'd gather up our trusty sleds
And in the twilight, drag them home.

And even as the darkness fell
The snow lit up the streets.
And we'd lie within that cozy glow
Until we drifted off to sleep.

Then memories of our perfect day
With friends and snow and sleds
Would replay over in our dreams
And cuddle with us in our beds. 

I watch the hands on the clock tick by
And I wonder where time goes.
Will this be the year to end all years?
Well, only God can know.

Inside each moment of my life,
Far back to childhood.
I see the fleetingness of time
And countless battles I withstood.

Old age has brought me memories
Of those times long tucked away,
And empowered me to see the past
In a much more loving way.

Those scenes of pain and suffering,
Those lonely, frightening times,
Are testimonials of the courage
That it took me to survive.

Those disappointments that I overcame,
All those loses that I faced,
Created my fortitude of heart
And became my catalysts for change.

Each mountain that I had to cross,
Each storm that I pushed through,
Each failure that I persevered,
Gave birth to something new.

Every heartache and betrayal,
Each attack that left me cold,
Gave me chances for forgiveness
And more sustenance of soul.

I cherished every touch and hug.
I'm so grateful for the laughter.
I thank God for every perfect day
And even those that were disasters.

I treasure every single face,
Of my family, loves and friends.
Both in person and in spirit
They travel with me till the end.

It's been both daunting and exciting
Becoming who I've grown to be.
It's been a constant work in progress
To be fully cognizant of me.

And now I can say without a doubt
That I've enjoyed this bumpy ride
And will just keep riding on and on
Until I've used up all my time.

When that will be, I cannot see.
Perhaps this is the year to end all years.
But in the meantime I will give my all
So this world knows I was here.