Pat Fleming

Dear World,

I fear it's over!
It's time to go our separate ways.
I just can't meet those expectations
that you place on me each day.

You constantly berate me,
all you do is criticize
and I'll never measure up again
to what's beauty in your eyes.

When I was younger, it was easier
to be all you said that I should be.
But now that I've grown older,
what you get is what you see.

My face is lined with wrinkles,
some even make-up cannot hide,
and even bigger clothes can't cover
my growing belly, rump and thighs.

My hair is getting thinner.
My boobs are sagging to the floor.
No one would call me pretty
and looking sexy is absurd.

But your judgement is so brutal,
and you've set too high a ceiling.
Your standards are unreasonable
and make me feel so unappealing.

But beauty isn't always tangible.
It isn't just what we can see.
There's a beauty with a power,
and true integrity.

It lies deep inside our hearts and souls
It's everything we need and more.
It isn't loud or flashy
But it's light can't be ignored.

It's a gift that only God bestows
and when it touches you your blessed.
It's a vision that when shared with you
you never can forget.

So, dear world, you have my sympathy
for your ignorance and greed.
You lost sight of what true beauty is
and what being beautiful should mean.

As I grew older you lost interest
and looked at me through captious eyes.
You no longer saw the beauty there,
because you never looked inside.

Sincerely,
Pat

At first his knocks were timid
but his intentions were depraved.
I felt my darkest fears arising
as he grew more angry and half-crazed.

His kicks and pounds upon my door
became more outraged and resolved
and the moment more horrific
as all sanity dissolved.

I screamed for someone please to help.
I begged against his rising rage.
My home was not my safe place now
but a terrifying cage.

My husband pressed against the door,
would help arrive too late?
As the Monster shouted vile threats,
I feared the worst would be our fate.

I felt filled with such confusion.
What had we done to stir such hate?
This Monster, once our quiet friend,
whatever brought him to this state?

Suddenly the battered door was breached.
My husband fought with all his might.
He was determined he would save us
and he was now prepared to fight.

Then with a simple kitchen knife,
he sliced the Monster's arm.
The door slammed shut as the Coward ran
in petrified alarm.

The police broke through the downstairs door
and subdued the bleeding beast.
I could feel the thumping of my heart.
as I buckled at the knees.

My precious home was now destroyed.
My soul forever scarred.
My mood had sunken to a depth
that was empty, cold and dark.

Still my tears have gone on endlessly.
Sleep evades me every night.
I feel detached from those around me
in an unceasing state of fright.

My mind seems dim and cluttered.
My heart shattered into bits.
My soul cries out for vengeance
as I sink into a hate-filled pit.

And here I am inside that pit,
too weak and tired now to care.
Searching for myself in desperation
but finding me no longer there.

What if I had died that day?
and I'm just a spirit left to roam?
What if I've lost that peace forever
of my embracing "Home Sweet Home?"

For now I choose to just give up
and try my hardest to forget.
These days I just don't have the strength
to ponder my regrets.

Just let me be alone for now
and don't think too ill of me.
Forgive my melancholy
and please don't say that I am weak.

Then perhaps I will return in time,
feeling hopeful and revived.
Proud that I'm still standing
because, somehow, I have survived.

As the sun starts to fade into twilight
and a peacefulness settles in,
even nature grows lazy and sleepy
as the hum of the crickets begin.

I rock to a chill, mellow rhythm
that plays to the day’s memories.
I sit tranquil and cozy on my front porch
in my pj’s and fresh scrubbed bare feet.

In the distance I hear muffled voices
and see soft lights from the neighbor’s TVs.
The motionless heat still hangs heavy
as it subtlety lures me to sleep.

But the dance of the night is seductive
so, I struggle against my fatigue.
My eyes are reflecting the firefly’s glow
and the bats as they soar above me.

The stars want to be a part of the dance
as they wink and they shoot through the sky.
The moon wears a smile as it directs tonight’s show
From its vantage point up there on high.

The smell of the sweet honeysuckle and earth
slowly and gently floats by.
The night birds sing songs to their exuberant mates
and together they fly through the sky.

A breeze starts to stir through lush green leaves
and the trees start to sway in delight.
The light of the moon pales ‘neath swarming dark clouds
And the stars slowly vanish from sight.
                                                                                                                       
An aroma of dampness surrounds me
as light raindrops begin to creep in.
They tease with cool splashes upon my hot skin
as a swift summer squall begins.

It’s growing quite late and my bed beckons me
and I feel myself slipping away.
I drift into dreams of bright waterfalls
to the sound of the soft, steady rain.

Time seems to be in a hurry.
Days rush by in the summer haze.
But I’ll never forget each fond memory
they’re tucked safely forever away.

You may not know how old she is
But I'm quite sure you'll recognize.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist
To see the ravages of time.

You may take note of all the wrinkles
That now define her aged face
Or the dark spots on her fragile hands
That no lotion can erase.

You may not hear her creaking bones
Or know how badly her feet ache.
But you are privy to her chronic pain
In the slowness of her pace.

You may discover that her hearings poor
When you try to pass her by
And find she'll gladly move aside
If you ask her eye to eye.

And therein lies the tragedy
Of living well beyond your prime
Even if your heart is filled with love
And you still possess the sharpest mind.

All they see is time's cruel conquest
And the spoils of that fight
Not the hero of that battle
Who gave all she had for life.

Or the soul that still shines brightly
And has so much more to give.
Or that person 'neath the time-worn mask
Who only wants the chance to live.

Her smile's still quite lovely
And she'll share it willingly
Just to prove she's still a person
Who she longs for you to see.

She has her own opinions
And an accomplished view of life
And her mind is filled with knowledge
And valuable insights.

She still has a sense of humor
And loves to laugh until she cries
Her heart is open to everyone
And she has the kindest eyes.

She loves those songs of yesterday
And can still sing every word
And her sweetest memories linger there
Inside of every verse.

She is a complicated being
Who worked hard for all she earned
And has a lifetime of experience
From which we all can learn.

So, ignore that well-worn cover
That only serves to hide
A heart that's young and open
And the true warrior inside.

I'm slipping back into that hole
And my hopes are wearing thin.
I try to take a different path
Still, I hear it beckoning.

I'm traveling on a rocky road.
I trip and fall on jagged stones.
I keep wandering in circles.
I can't find my way alone.

I could call out to the wilderness
And flaunt my tears and pain.
But my voice in all that silence
Makes me feel far too ashamed.

I could return to that familiar place
And jump inside that hole
And let it swallow me again
Body, heart and soul.

Deep inside that darkness
I can finally find some peace
And immersed in all that blackness
Perhaps I'll get some sleep.

There's no one there to judge me.
I feel safer by myself.
No pretentious words of cold advice
Of how I need to get some help.

Inside that cool obscurity
All that pressure fades away.
I escape the captious carping
Hidden in the words they say.

They may think it's all self-pity
Feeling shunned and on my own.
But they know nothing of my journey
And those battles fought alone.

And now that I've grown older
My sense of loss is more extreme.
I'm running out of precious time
To see the dawn of all my dreams.

But one thing that I wish the most
That now I fear will never be
Is to look into my mirror
And truly love the me I see.

So, it's best I linger in that hole
Where no one else can see.
The remains of all those battles lost
And what is left of me.