Poems by Jodi M. Kucera

I walked in with a covered face
Obscured by sequins and lace

The dances that were had were shallow
As I waltzed towards the gallows

Within me a hollowness has grown
Where darkness feels at home.

The voice that lives there has stolen mine,
Taking its place among the chalk line.

Though no one knows, I've died inside,
The blue erased with the fogging of my eyes.

Hiding within the blanket of my skin,
No longer the girl who once had been.

Nothingness is all I feel,
Wearing a counterfeit smile to conceal.

No one noticed I was fading,
Because I had mastered the art of masquerading.

I've been hunted by the enemy and held my breath,
I've listened to it playing all around me, the melody of death.

Silence is the prelude, but it won't last long.
That's when you know things are about to go wrong.

As the sound of gunfire begins to play,
I know it's meant for me; if you will, a sort of serenade

To draw me out of the shadows and into the fight,
But I already have the enemy in sight.

The percussion joins in with explosions going off all around,
Showing no signs of backing down.

The ground tremors with the humming of the tanks,
The .90-millimeter main guns don't care about rank.

I've dodged bullets that were dancing all around.
Some weren't as lucky, and they fell to the ground.

The cries of young soldiers are not shadowed by the sounds of war;
They are the sounds that haunt you forevermore.

They all played in sync in this melodic song.
Some of us left, but our memories have never gone.

A sound or a movement is all it takes,
And I'm right back there in that God-forsaken place.

So please take a moment and try to understand.
Soldiers never come back the same man.

We're haunted by the melody that plays in our minds,
Because the song never changes; it only rewinds.

There's a shelf where many bottles sit,
Each with names in perfectly written print.

My fingers danced among the bottles as I walked the length of the shelf,
When I stumbled upon my name and a man who introduced himself.

A caretaker, carefully tending to each bottle with profound emotion in his eyes,
Told me he was the collector of all the tears that have ever been cried.

He took my bottle from the shelf and clutched it to his chest.
He said, "I collected these in moments that were your worst and your best."

He opened the lid and began to pull them out one by one
And held them gently in the cradle of his palm.

He began to explain what each tear represents
And the memories they held as he took a moment to reflect.

He said, "These tears started my collection at the beginning of your life,"
And with tenderness in his voice he said, "Though I knew many more would be cried.

"These tears were joyous and filled with celebration at accomplishments you made,
While these ones were filled with uncertainty while you quietly hoped and prayed.

"These tears were laden in wordless groans in the struggles that took you to your knees,
But even in those moments, I heard your heart's every plea.

"These tears, well these ones are many, and I held you close as I collected them carefully,
These tears are heavy with grief when loved ones closed their eyes and awoke in eternity.

"You see, though many have been cried, I have collected them all,
For each of them matter to me, no matter how big or how small.

"So I keep them safely on my shelf as I know there are more to collect,
Until the day there is no sorrow and no more tears to be wept."

You look at me and only see the cracks,
Fractured, like a piece of glass.

Some are shallow and straight,
Created by silently carrying so much weight.

Others are round and splayed like stars,
Words, a solar system of scars.

Some are deep and cut to my core,
From trials I thought I could no longer endure.

Some hold tightly to splintering shards that still cut,
A painful reminder every time they are touched.

Others are jagged and worn,
And some are occupied with scorn.

Some of them are lessons,
Regretfully brought on by my own transgressions.

All of them create an intricate mosaic of intertwined lines,
Reminders of the things I’ve survived.

A prismatic display of beauty and strength;
Though I am fractured, I did not break.

The wind is beneath me, and I've taken flight,
As I gently fall from the sky.

Side to side I begin to sway, all around me only gray.
Thick like heavy snow, blanketing the ground below.

Each of us free at last,
From the suffering at their hands.

Each one of our stories would leave you aghast,
But they need to be told as to not repeat the past.

That morning was cold and one I'll never forget.
It was the day the ash began to fall, and we would learn their intent.

Our family torn asunder, as the train rolled in like thunder.
Where they were taking us, I did not know, and time just seemed to slow.

When the doors swung open, the sun was bright; it was hard to take in the sight.
The fire was stoked and flames filled the sky, the fear within began to rise.

The air was that of fetid breath, the wretched smell of death.

We were counted and stripped;
the humiliation something I cannot depict.

They took the crown upon my head,
while tears welled up that I dare not shed.

Tattooed and forced to live a life of servitude.

The apogee a march of death,
To a chamber to steal my breath.

To be known by a number and no longer a name,
All because hate fanned the flame.

I'm frightened by the enormity of the mountains that surround me,
Blinded by the darkness of troubles of which the end I cannot see.

I'm drowning in worry and my soul is weary,
These burdens I can no longer carry.

This is known as "The Valley," a place of deep despair,
With no hope in sight, I fall to my knees in prayer.

"Lord, this journey is too hard, and I feel so alone,
And I'm so afraid of all the unknowns."

The Lord took me by the hand,
And in that moment, he helped me to understand.

He said, "My child, though the valley can be painful, it is a place of beauty,
For it's in these moments you experience me fully.

It's here where I hear your cries,
And where faithlessness dies.

It's a place of low-lying rivers where your thirst can be quenched,
And green pastures that offer you a place to reflect.

It's a place where I'll carry you when you can't take another step,
And I'll tell you about the tears I collected as you wept.

It's a place where you'll learn perseverance,
And one where you'll discover your purpose.

It's a journey where testimonies are made,
And one where when you look back, you will sing my praise.

So, no matter how painful, look for the beauty; just open your eyes,
For it is then that you'll see me walking by your side."

A match was struck that ignited the flame.
Now ashes and rubble are all that remain.

Defeated, she's left standing alone,
As her soul cries out in wordless groans.

Clouds of smoke consume her, and tears cut her dusty face.
Her grief lay heavy like the smoky haze.

Singed and covered in embers and ash,
Evidence of her battles present and past.

Broken and weak she had grown tired,
And all she could see was the fire.

She had dreamed of being a warrior, but she was afraid,
And in this moment, herself she had betrayed.

And then off in the distance, a shadow among the dancing blaze,
Walking toward her, a woman, strong and brave.

A warrior, wielding a sword and her battle cry loud.
She ran into battle and confidently howled.

She would stop at nothing to help those in need,
For her roots of strength ran deep.

She was fearless and disciplined in patient determination,
And the girl was filled with awe and admiration.

She was the woman she prayed she would be.
Then the woman, seeing the girl, held her hand out and said, "Come with me."

"Let me show you the strength you hope to find.
It's not something that's given but learned and refined."

As she looked the warrior in the eyes, she noticed a familiarity,
And for the first time, the girl saw her battles with clarity.

The warrior woman was her all along.
Each battle she faced was only making her strong.

"These battles are the answer to what you have prayed,
For warriors aren't born, they're made."

A young boy playing games of war,
His imaginings filled with innocence, unaware of reality's horror.

He heard a voice filled with cadences being sung like hymns,
Of how the good guys always win.

A young man dreams of being a soldier,
A call to carry others' burdens on his shoulders.

A voice rising from deep within,
To right the wrongs of others' sin.

He heard the enemy's stirring and unrest,
And returned home with medals pinned upon his chest.

Now a vet, he carries the scars from battle,
Though never appearing to be rattled.

He sat in a chair in his living room,
While off in the distance eerie whispers grew.

The moanings of those who had never left his mind,
Those who were forever stuck in time.

They called his name while formless shadows creeped,
And nightmarish footsteps creaked.

He heard the voices of soldiers he once had known,
Ghosts of those who never made it home.

But now there's a voice calling his name,
One that can no longer be restrained.

A voice that was heard long ago when freedom began to call,
A voice that knew freedom's cost would not be understood by all.

It's crying out with a warning as some are unaware,
"Freedom is being threatened and won't be easily repaired!

Don't let the suffering be in vain,
Remind them freedom's cost was heartache and bloodstains!

Freedom is under attack!
Once it's gone, you'll never get it back!"

He heard a voice that is beginning to fade,
Though over and over the ultimate price has been paid.

He answered the call, and he knows the cost,
But some won't understand until freedom is lost.

He was the geeky kid, carrying all of his books,
That became a scientist who found the cure for the disease that overtook.

She was the quiet one, who was afraid no one would listen to what she had to say,
Who is now the author that writes her words for thousands to read on a page.

He was the naughty boy, whose antics were a cry for help,
That became a cop because he knows how it felt.

She was the nervous, anxious girl, who took on everyone's problems,
That wanted to help others and became a psychologist with a doctorate.

He was the kid that was always in a fight,
Who became a lawyer that wants wrong turned right.

He was the jock that was under pressure to win the game,
Who became a pastor that tells people they are more than what others say.

She was the quirky girl trying to break free from the mold,
That became the fashion designer who is known for being bold.

She was the mean girl with only ugly words to say,
Who is now an advocate for other victims in pain.

But he was the kid that faded into the background,
The one who felt alone even when there was a crowd.

The one who felt like he was gasping for air.
Even though he was drowning; people were unaware.

He was the one whose inner demon had a voice that was too loud,
That told him there was no other way out.

He's the kid I often think about,
The one whose silence should have been a reverberating volume of sound.

He is the one that we'll never know what he could have become,
Because he was the kid who found the gun.