Poems by Pat Fleming

I searched but never found you.
The paths we traveled never crossed
And now my life is winding down,
And I fear all hope is lost.

I saved a place inside my heart.
You were often in my dreams.
But you stayed always at a distance
And just beyond my reach.

I wondered if you grieved for me
And felt that longing deep inside.
Did you search the world for me in vain?
Or did you let that need subside?

Oh, I had my share of love and loss.
I knew happiness and pain.
I loved and was loved in return
But that emptiness remained.

I missed you though we never touched,
And I knew you from the start.
Your soul was mate to my own soul.
You shared the beating of my heart.

Time passed, but still you never came,
Though I never let you go.
You were a gift that I was promised,
The greatest love I'd ever know.

I wondered if our eyes once met,
But we chose to look away
And settled on some other loves
And thus our destinies betray.

This life is cruel and fickle.
It can lead our hearts astray
And blind us to what matters,
Putting roadblocks in our way.

Our searching becomes futile
When distractions take control.
We can't hear the pleading of our hearts
Or the desperation in our souls.

But you and I were meant to be,
Our souls met long ago.
So when the time is right for us,
Somehow, we both will know.

And maybe up in Heaven
Our souls will finally meet
And we'll share our love eternally
And forevermore we'll feel complete.

The endless green of summer
Has turned to golds and reds,
While the leaves are all a flutter,
Making pillows for our heads.

The hot, aggressive summer sun
Now hides behind the clouds,
Creating dreamlike shadows
That reflect the world around.

The trees have changed their summer greens
To the warmth of autumn hues.
And a chilly early morning frost
Has replaced the summer dew.

The sound of weekend mowers
And the sight of lawns so green
Are echoes now of Autumn rakes,
And piles of aging leaves.

The whisper of the summer breeze
Has reluctantly flown away,
As the stronger push of the Autumn wind
Has defiantly taken its place.

And the happy mood of the summer sun
Has weakened in its fight,
As the darker mood of Autumn
Has coldly diminished its light.

And in the chill of the afternoon,
As the children play in the leaves,
The smell of fireplaces burning,
Give the promise of a cozy eve.

And you're filled with anticipation
For pumpkins and Halloween.
For hay rides and candy apples
And ghostly sights to see.

Oh yes, the fall is finally here,
And its glory fills your heart.
And you breathe that air so crisp and clear
And pray that it never parts.

It seems it's been a lifetime
Since my brother went away.
I long to see him once again
And relive those cherished days.

When I was his big sister
And looked at him with pride
And thought we'd always walk through life,
Family side by side.

But in these years he has forgotten me
And left me far behind,
But still a day does not go by
That he doesn't come to mind.

He has a growing daughter now
Whom I know I'll never meet.
She wouldn't even know me
If we passed along the street.

But I have a rather silly hope
That maybe just sometimes
There will be something that he sees in her
That may bring me to his mind.

He may see me in her smile
Or in the twinkle of her eye.
He may hear me in the sadness
Of her broken-hearted cries.

He may find me in her laughter,
In those moments filled with joy.
Or perhaps he'll notice I am there
In the lilting of her voice.

He might see me in her anger
And refusal to give in.
And in how she fights for those she loves,
The way I did for him.

She may even have a walk like me,
That same, familiar stride.
I may be in subtle nuances,
So impossible to hide.

I pray he sees me in her heart
And in the way she wants to care.
We may even look at life the same
And have dreams and hopes we share.

Although she'll never know me,
And I feel that loss each day,
She still carries just a part of me
That no one can take away.

So perhaps in silent moments,
In just an instant he may see,
There within his daughter,
A fleeting glimpse of me.

How do I cope with the shame that I feel
And then look you straight in the eye?
And how do I claim to stand for what's right,
Then accept disregard for your lives?

I grew up in a place that was safe and secure;
Opportunity knocked at my door.
I never accepted enough was enough
When the world always offered me more.

The schools I attended were cloaked in pure white,
And I watched from their lily white halls
While you had to fight for the little you had,
And I was just handed it all.

The black of your skin made you different from me,
And I learned from the powers that be
That we'd never be allies in living this life
And should remain on our side of the streets.

But as I grew up, I became so confused,
And I wished to get closer to you.
But how could you trust a word that I said
When all I'd shown you was callous abuse?

How do I make some sense of it all
When injustice can't ever make sense?
And how do I seek your forgiveness
When I can't begin to know how to repent?

The cycle of hatred is hard to escape
When adults in your life lead your way.
And how do you face that those "truths" once believed
Were just words to control and betray?

I know I can never right all the wrongs
Or remove all the scars left behind.
But my heart feels the weight of the hurt that we caused,
And your torment encumbers my mind.

I ponder incessantly on what I can do.
I don't want to seem shallow or fake.
Is it enough that I willingly stand by your side?
Or are there far too many amends to be made?

I need you to know how sorry I am,
Though I'm sure it's too little too late.
But I want you to see that I won't let you down
And your hope in me ever forsake.

My promise is now to bear witness.
I won't leave you alone in your pain.
And for the sake of your children and grandchildren,
I'll fight for a world filled with change.

Your survival is proof of your courage
And exposes what cowards we've been!
And I long for and pray that one day I'll be blessed
To, perhaps, hear you call me your friend.