Poems by Alan Balter

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  • Great Grandpa

    • Published: January 2018
    My Great Grandfather And His Life's Work

    in Family Poems for Kids

    Great Grandpa is a wise old man who says he's ninety-four.
    He tells me that he lost his leg fighting in some war.
    When I was just a little tot with eyes and nose still runny,
    He swears that he forgot my name, so now he calls me Sonny.

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    • Stories 1
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    • Favorited 8
    • Votes 78
    • Rating 4.36
    • Poem of the Day
    Featured Shared Story

    Balter's poem reminds me of my own grandfather whom I lost 49 years ago when he was 94. I remember his two habits very lucidly. He was a frugal eater. He used to weigh his food every time...

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  • Dead Is Dead

    • Published: April 2017
    Funny Poem About Death

    in Humorous Poems

    When somebody dies, folks hardly ever say "dead."
    They prefer "expired" or "departed" instead.
    Most of the euphemisms don't do any harm,
    Like "biting the dust" or "buying the farm."

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    • Stories 3
    • Shares 3474
    • Favorited 55
    • Votes 666
    • Rating 4.26
    Featured Shared Story

    I found this poem very refreshing and true. Very good.

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  • Englksh Is A Pane

    • Published: October 2017
    Humorous Poem About The Inconsistencies Of English Language

    in Funny Poems for Kids

    Hear eye sit inn English class; the likelihood is that eye won't pass
    An F on my report card wood bee worse than swallowing glass
    It's knot that eye haven't studied, often till late at knight
    Butt the rules are sew confusing, eye simply can't get them write

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    • Stories 3
    • Shares 6206
    • Favorited 17
    • Votes 820
    • Rating 4.25
    • Poem of the Day
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    Very clever and funny, but it kinda blows my mind reading through this at the same time! How on earth did I manage to learn this wonderful, confusing language?! I must be converting it into...

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  • The Benefits Of Exercise

    • Published: October 2017
    Funny Poem About The Difficulty Of Losing Weight

    in Cute Poems

    All my life I've been extra large, plus
    I'm known as a very large fellow.
    I would easily pass as a school district bus
    If somebody painted me yellow.

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    • Stories 0
    • Shares 3317
    • Favorited 30
    • Votes 522
    • Rating 4.24
  • Who Nose?

    • Published: October 2017

    in Funny Poems for Kids

    Some are as long as hoses
    You buy at a garden store.
    Mine can be used to smell roses
    From a couple of miles or more.

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    • Stories 1
    • Shares 698
    • Favorited 3
    • Votes 157
    • Rating 4.11
    • Poem of the Day
    Featured Shared Story

    I think children will like the poem. It's funny. You must have a lot of imagination to write such a poem. I like it!

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  • Crowded Closet

    • pending
    • Posted on 05/06/17
    Wishing For A Better World

    in Change Poems

    Father saw me looking in my closet yesterday
    A place in a state of rather constant disarray
    It's something I do often to stimulate my mind
    Because I'm never certain of exactly what I'll find

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    • Stories 0
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    • Favorited 0
    • Votes 2
    • Rating 4.00
  • Harvey The Hippo

    • Published: July 30, 2021
    Limerick About A Hippo

    in Limericks

    Harvey is a huge hippopotamus
    Who bathes in a bay that is bottomless
    HIs mouth is as large
    As a riverboat barge

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    • Stories 2
    • Shares 23
    • Favorited 5
    • Votes 15
    • Rating 4.00
    • Poem of the Day
    Featured Shared Story

    My wordy, wordy, brilliantly penned. I can picture this as an illustrated children's book. Worthy indeed. Find a publisher ASAP.

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  • Night Noises

    • Published: September 2019

    in Funny Poems for Kids

    My parents' bedroom is far from mine, so I have to wonder
    What the noise is every night that sounds a lot like thunder.
    We don't live near the seashore, but almost every morn
    I'm wakened by a noise that sounds like a fog horn.

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    • Stories 1
    • Shares 809
    • Favorited 9
    • Votes 109
    • Rating 3.95
    • Poem of the Day
    Featured Shared Story

    The writer has given a humorous touch to a common incident found in many a home. Mother's lighthearted comment, "I don't mind; it's really a godsend" makes the idea more effective.

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  • Travel Blues

    • Published: April 2017
    Poem About The The Rigors Of Travel

    in Humorous Poems

    A voyage abroad with my good wife Maude turned into a real mess
    In need of some rest in Budapest, about all I got was stress
    Then in France I took a chance on some pork a little too rare
    I so regret that Monsieur's toilette was very crowded there

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    • Stories 0
    • Shares 86
    • Favorited 2
    • Votes 33
    • Rating 3.67

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