Poems by Patricia Fleming

At first his knocks were timid
but his intentions were depraved.
I felt my darkest fears arising
as he grew more angry and half-crazed.

His kicks and pounds upon my door
became more outraged and resolved
and the moment more horrific
as all sanity dissolved.

I screamed for someone please to help.
I begged against his rising rage.
My home was not my safe place now
but a terrifying cage.

My husband pressed against the door,
would help arrive too late?
As the Monster shouted vile threats,
I feared the worst would be our fate.

I felt filled with such confusion.
What had we done to stir such hate?
This Monster, once our quiet friend,
whatever brought him to this state?

Suddenly the battered door was breached.
My husband fought with all his might.
He was determined he would save us
and he was now prepared to fight.

Then with a simple kitchen knife,
he sliced the Monster's arm.
The door slammed shut as the Coward ran
in petrified alarm.

The police broke through the downstairs door
and subdued the bleeding beast.
I could feel the thumping of my heart.
as I buckled at the knees.

My precious home was now destroyed.
My soul forever scarred.
My mood had sunken to a depth
that was empty, cold and dark.

Still my tears have gone on endlessly.
Sleep evades me every night.
I feel detached from those around me
in an unceasing state of fright.

My mind seems dim and cluttered.
My heart shattered into bits.
My soul cries out for vengeance
as I sink into a hate-filled pit.

And here I am inside that pit,
too weak and tired now to care.
Searching for myself in desperation
but finding me no longer there.

What if I had died that day?
and I'm just a spirit left to roam?
What if I've lost that peace forever
of my embracing "Home Sweet Home?"

For now I choose to just give up
and try my hardest to forget.
These days I just don't have the strength
to ponder my regrets.

Just let me be alone for now
and don't think too ill of me.
Forgive my melancholy
and please don't say that I am weak.

Then perhaps I will return in time,
feeling hopeful and revived.
Proud that I'm still standing
because, somehow, I have survived.

It could not be me he's thinking of
When he looks up at the soft moonlight.
And it can't be me that he's dreaming of
When he falls asleep at night.

It could not be my face that caught his eye
In the midst of his busy day
Whose beauty left him hypnotized
And at a loss for what to say.

It could not be my smile that melted his heart
Or my laughter upon the breeze.
It would not be the curves of my body
That left him limp and weak in the knees.

It surely could not be my luminous eyes
Or the touch of my skin so smooth.
It would never be just the image of me
That could trigger his amorous mood.

You see I know it could never be me
To catch a man's eye these days.
In fact if I happen to pass one by
He just looks the other way.

My eyes are not as bright anymore.
They're sagging and much too thin.
Surely, they're not the kind of place
Any man could get lost in.

My body has not aged gracefully
And my curves are far too plump.
My boobs are falling down to the floor
Along with my flatter rump.

Most often I feel invisible.
I blend into the scenery.
I'm far too old to "strut my stuff"
To get Prince Charming to notice me.

Right now feeling wanted and desired,
To be the woman of his dreams,
Is now nothing more in the scheme of my life
Than a thrilling and sweet memory.

Yes, those days of romance and passion
Have sadly passed me by
And now I just feel grateful each day
For the man growing old by my side.

You may not know how old she is
But I'm quite sure you'll recognize.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist
To see the ravages of time.

You may take note of all the wrinkles
That now define her aged face
Or the dark spots on her fragile hands
That no lotion can erase.

You may not hear her creaking bones
Or know how badly her feet ache.
But you are privy to her chronic pain
In the slowness of her pace.

You may discover that her hearings poor
When you try to pass her by
And find she'll gladly move aside
If you ask her eye to eye.

And therein lies the tragedy
Of living well beyond your prime
Even if your heart is filled with love
And you still possess the sharpest mind.

All they see is time's cruel conquest
And the spoils of that fight
Not the hero of that battle
Who gave all she had for life.

Or the soul that still shines brightly
And has so much more to give.
Or that person 'neath the time-worn mask
Who only wants the chance to live.

Her smile's still quite lovely
And she'll share it willingly
Just to prove she's still a person
Who she longs for you to see.

She has her own opinions
And an accomplished view of life
And her mind is filled with knowledge
And valuable insights.

She still has a sense of humor
And loves to laugh until she cries
Her heart is open to everyone
And she has the kindest eyes.

She loves those songs of yesterday
And can still sing every word
And her sweetest memories linger there
Inside of every verse.

She is a complicated being
Who worked hard for all she earned
And has a lifetime of experience
From which we all can learn.

So, ignore that well-worn cover
That only serves to hide
A heart that's young and open
And the true warrior inside.

The years have passed on Rocky Mountains.
It's been a steep and harrowing climb.
Along the way we've lost our footing.
We've faced the best and worst of times.

We know each other inside and out,
Each secret, sin and scar.
We accept those flaws and frailties,
Who we've been and who we are.

With you, I've laughed the hardest.
For you, I've shed the biggest tears.
You've been my comfort at the saddest times,
And you've kept me safe from all my fears.

We have shared our love of nature,
The falling snow and rolling seas.
We've hiked through wending, forest trails
In a chilly autumn breeze.

We've traveled to the mountain tops,
We glided ore' the ocean's waves.
We stood before the New York skyline
And watched a million sunsets fade.

You've been there through all my losses.
It was you who helped me cope.
And I've been right there by your side
When you've needed me the most.

We've struggled through the bad times
By clinging to the good.
The fact that love could sometimes be hard work
Was a truth we always understood.

Yes, the years have passed so quickly.
Another Valentine's Day is here.
And I'm writing you these heartfelt words,
Which are honest and sincere.

We've weathered every single storm
And still we rose again.
I've loved you now for half my life,
And I will love you till the end.

I'm slipping back into that hole
And my hopes are wearing thin.
I try to take a different path
Still, I hear it beckoning.

I'm traveling on a rocky road.
I trip and fall on jagged stones.
I keep wandering in circles.
I can't find my way alone.

I could call out to the wilderness
And flaunt my tears and pain.
But my voice in all that silence
Makes me feel far too ashamed.

I could return to that familiar place
And jump inside that hole
And let it swallow me again
Body, heart and soul.

Deep inside that darkness
I can finally find some peace
And immersed in all that blackness
Perhaps I'll get some sleep.

There's no one there to judge me.
I feel safer by myself.
No pretentious words of cold advice
Of how I need to get some help.

Inside that cool obscurity
All that pressure fades away.
I escape the captious carping
Hidden in the words they say.

They may think it's all self-pity
Feeling shunned and on my own.
But they know nothing of my journey
And those battles fought alone.

And now that I've grown older
My sense of loss is more extreme.
I'm running out of precious time
To see the dawn of all my dreams.

But one thing that I wish the most
That now I fear will never be
Is to look into my mirror
And truly love the me I see.

So, it's best I linger in that hole
Where no one else can see.
The remains of all those battles lost
And what is left of me.

There's an early morning stillness,
A pure, pastoral peace.
A silence so consuming
It sedates and comforts me.

Each sound so hushed and yielding
As if on tip toes nature wakes.
It whispers soft and gently
That it's time to seize the day.

The trills and twitters of the early birds,
The crickets' mesmerizing hum.
The tickling of my eyelids 
By the timid, softer sun.

I gaze outside my window
And let the breeze caress my face,
It's chilly touch so welcoming
That I swoon in its sweet embrace.

The harsh, determined summer sun
Has grown weary and withdrawn,
And a shy and temperate autumn sun
Arrives with the rosy dawn.

It peeks through billowy cotton clouds
And casts shadows everywhere.
The earthy, musky scents of fall
Pervades the fresh, crisp air.

I feel so full and more alive,
No longer crushed by stifling heat.
I need to commune with nature again
Instead of making a fast retreat.

The pumpkins on my front porch stoop,
The crimson, russet leaves.
Hikes through the dense and piney woods
Upon paths that wend and weave.

Hayrides through the farmer's fields,
Cuddled by the fireside,
Eating candy by the five-pound bag
While taking a scenic drive.

All those classic horror movies
That help create the atmosphere,
For those ghost and ghouls of Halloween
To once again appear.

I can feel my heart so filled with thrills,
It's like I'm born again.
The only thought that cramps my style
Is that too quickly it will end.

But hail to the brilliant season of fall,
The most perfect time to me.
Immersed in her colors, aromas, and scares
Is right where I long be!

I watch the hands on the clock tick by
And I wonder where time goes.
Will this be the year to end all years?
Well, only God can know.

Inside each moment of my life,
Far back to childhood.
I see the fleetingness of time
And countless battles I withstood.

Old age has brought me memories
Of those times long tucked away,
And empowered me to see the past
In a much more loving way.

Those scenes of pain and suffering,
Those lonely, frightening times,
Are testimonials of the courage
That it took me to survive.

Those disappointments that I overcame,
All those loses that I faced,
Created my fortitude of heart
And became my catalysts for change.

Each mountain that I had to cross,
Each storm that I pushed through,
Each failure that I persevered,
Gave birth to something new.

Every heartache and betrayal,
Each attack that left me cold,
Gave me chances for forgiveness
And more sustenance of soul.

I cherished every touch and hug.
I'm so grateful for the laughter.
I thank God for every perfect day
And even those that were disasters.

I treasure every single face,
Of my family, loves and friends.
Both in person and in spirit
They travel with me till the end.

It's been both daunting and exciting
Becoming who I've grown to be.
It's been a constant work in progress
To be fully cognizant of me.

And now I can say without a doubt
That I've enjoyed this bumpy ride
And will just keep riding on and on
Until I've used up all my time.

When that will be, I cannot see.
Perhaps this is the year to end all years.
But in the meantime I will give my all
So this world knows I was here.

Dear World,

I fear it's over!
It's time to go our separate ways.
I just can't meet those expectations
that you place on me each day.

You constantly berate me,
all you do is criticize
and I'll never measure up again
to what's beauty in your eyes.

When I was younger, it was easier
to be all you said that I should be.
But now that I've grown older,
what you get is what you see.

My face is lined with wrinkles,
some even make-up cannot hide,
and even bigger clothes can't cover
my growing belly, rump and thighs.

My hair is getting thinner.
My boobs are sagging to the floor.
No one would call me pretty
and looking sexy is absurd.

But your judgement is so brutal,
and you've set too high a ceiling.
Your standards are unreasonable
and make me feel so unappealing.

But beauty isn't always tangible.
It isn't just what we can see.
There's a beauty with a power,
and true integrity.

It lies deep inside our hearts and souls
It's everything we need and more.
It isn't loud or flashy
But it's light can't be ignored.

It's a gift that only God bestows
and when it touches you your blessed.
It's a vision that when shared with you
you never can forget.

So, dear world, you have my sympathy
for your ignorance and greed.
You lost sight of what true beauty is
and what being beautiful should mean.

As I grew older you lost interest
and looked at me through captious eyes.
You no longer saw the beauty there,
because you never looked inside.

Sincerely,
Pat