Addiction Poem

I have struggled with addiction my whole life, a continuous roller coaster ride of relapse and recovery. Unfortunately more relapse than recovery. I am on a waiting list for rehab now and hope this is my last fallout. I have lost everything except my life and have often wondered why life isn't the first thing that I lost.

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Vortex Of Anxiety

©

Published: January 2014

Lost within the maze of my own mind,
Swimming in circles, trying to leave it all behind,
A mask in disguise trying to mask my demise.
Within the truth there are no lies.
Struggling to hold back the tears in my eyes.

Fighting to be free...
To be free from me
Empty, alone, and I afraid,
Locked inside my own cage,
I'm fighting my own rage.

Holding it all inside,
There's no place to run and hide.
Sometimes life alone isn't enough,
And it's wicked hard to call your own bluff.

Awaiting the future, yet molded to the past,
It's like having to downshift in order to pass.
Looking for a promise to numb the pain
And finding a promise without any gain.
Being lost and afraid inside your own brain
All alone and feeling insane.

Lost and broken inside and too hurt to cry,
My wings were clipped long before I could fly.
Living one big covered up lie,
I tip my head to the sky.
I scream into the silence and I scream WHY!
Screaming to let go of the pain,
Wondering if it's all in vain.
Am I screaming in silence
Or merely silently screaming again?

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