Rape Poems

Painting is for pictures
too hard to understand
so let me paint you a picture
of a girl
who has a little too much to understand..

her heart was a two ton brick in her fist
that kept her pinned
to the exact spot on the ground
he wanted her to be in
when she's 12
and those 27 minutes felt like eternity,
clinging to her sanity

like the last molecule of burned up air in a gas chamber
she slept on cindered feathers
sucking on the bones of her rotting body
holding back panicked breaths
like other kids hold stuffed animals
sinister smiling eyes
venom spit
splashed across her limbs

"You're so pretty.."
you're so pretty.
seeds of fear planted
in a daughter,
whose father,
didn't know,
she couldn't go any farther

the limbs of her body bare branched
creaking away from his whispered breaths
leaves burned up with the heat of guilt
hidden in the smoke are her pleading eyes
her roots ripped up and flung away
with the drop of his pants
gritting teeth sewn shut
with the bone needles of a broken bird
brittle body vibrating
against the pine tree that
looked "so pretty,"
two hours ago

two bodies
two lungs
pressed against the cage
that kept her soul contained
red and blue flashes
translate to blackness
and 6 years later
her sheets are still soaked
trembling with the sound of her own frozen voice
cracking
shattering

melting into puddles she tried to pick up
with dirty hands
and a dirty heart
dripping into the exact consistency
of the mud he left her in
fingernails full of his fingerprints
and the dew on the grass
came from her eyes
and the sheen off her body
clothing buried
and burned
smoking up to follow the bird
that unwillingly flew away

blacked painting hung up
on the pale bone frame
those 18 years and no one taught him a shred of decency
you'd think it should be inked into his humanity
but no.
she sings into the ashes
calling it back
lungs raw
throat black

she can't see his face
she can't know his name
she can't say that
she carved herself up like an animal
creating a scarred picture
everyone's seen before
but few have known
can't say that she breathes a storm
then pounds her body
until her tears turn red
and everything goes numb again
and she can finally believe for a second
your hands aren't his hands

If I knew her what could I say?
that there's something beautiful about skinned knees
and the fault lines in her eyes
and the way she scrubs her blood from the floor
and the fact that I can't stay quiet anymore
the flames my guilt fans
grow brighter when I think
that because I didn't speak
he could have gone on to ruin
another perfect thing
a perfect thing who's picture
looks a whole lot like mine.

It's strange how a few short seconds can lead you in a whole new direction,
It alters how you think and act and see your own reflection.
From a single moment on, my life was forever changed,
Like everything I previously knew had suddenly been rearranged.

No one will ever understand just how I felt that day,
But deep within this poem I shall try to convey.
I cannot even begin to illustrate the repulsive person I once knew.
I intend to simply express the horror that I went through.

I was abruptly pinned against the wall of a hard, rough concrete stairwell,
At two AM, in Mexico, where not a soul was likely to dwell.
Suddenly I was captured, no possible way to escape.
Wondering if I deserved it, if it was truly my fate.

I tried to fly away, but my wings he had been broke.
I was like an innocent cow that he used to prod and poke.
My mind filled with confusion, and his filled with lust.
He took another part of me with each and every thrust.

Tears like elegant pearls gracefully danced down my face.
I peered into his soul with a firm look of disgrace.
His cold touch like a vacuum, sucking out the life in me.
His ears were wide open, but he wouldn't hear my plea.

Standing there in the night, so scared, so exposed.
I was covered by a veil of darkness, like satin petals of a rose.
The glowing moon looked down at me, peaking through a massive blanket of stars.
I could touch it; it seemed so close, but it was really oh so far.

Worse than at the doctor; he injected me with filth and dirt.
His intention was deliberate; it was very clear and overt.
It is a bit funny that a piece of scum is all he'll ever be,
And the only thing that he accomplished doing in life is me.

Sometimes late at night I simply can't fall sleep
Thinking about how my innocence is no longer mine to keep.
What some can only imagine in their worst possible nightmare
Is my gruesome reality that can't be undone nor repaired.

I may have the sweetest smile, glowing between my nose and chin,
But only I know the truth about the deep secrets held within.
I may have the prettiest eyes that have seen more than they should
And have cried more delicate tears than anyone else ever could.

I may have the kindest heart, but that came with a cost.
It has felt the worst of pains and experienced the greatest loss.
I cannot change the past, an event to which I succumbed.
But I can focus on the present and change what is to come.

We are all so different and yet so much the same.
Everyone, in some way or another, will experience a kind of pain.
Everybody has things they wish not to recall,
Into each life some rain must fall.

Scattered throughout our lives, like a friend that is one of a kind,
Dreary days will steadily approach, bad memories trailing behind.
These dark days are necessary, just as important as the rest,
For if we didn't have the worst, we couldn't recognize the best.

It was like a church service
my body was the church
and with all your sins
you came in me
I tried to be silent
as I prayed for a God

Tears rolling down my face
as I felt my spirit leaving the temple
that once was my body
Sorry father
for everything I have done wrong
Have mercy
for the ones that feel like heaven
may never really have existed

It was like a church service
that I had to attend every week
as I believed in a God
that was there for me through it all

Blood boiled in every vain,
Like a flicker in every flame.
Tears streaming from my eyes,
'Cause my life is built on lies.
Overpowered by my fears,
So I kept quiet for many years.
The secrets tore me up inside.
With a twisted mind and arms atied,
They took their turns,
So I buried the burns.
I grew up thinking it was my fault.
My fault for every rape and every assault.
Those dark memories still haunt my brain,
And still I feel I'm the one to blame.
Every night I lie awake,
Wondering how much I can take.
If only someone would have listened
To the screams and to the pleads.
Maybe I could have ended it all
And still be able to stand tall.
But enough is enough.
Tonight I will stay tough
And maybe for once they will see
That they can no longer hurt me.

I heard the footsteps coming and I knew this would be another long night,
And something inside me screamed this time it really isn't right.
The words he was saying were ruthless and cruel,
And each time he hit me, I sat there and obeyed each and every rule.
I sat there blank faced and scared knowing that I couldn't cry,
For I knew what would happen if he saw the tears in my eyes.

Each and every swing felt worse and worse,
And then all I wanted was to be dead in a hearse.
He got real close and whispered, "Bitch, I wish you weren't alive,"
And all I was thinking was you're right, I wish I wouldn't survive.
He threw me against the wall then proceeded to pin me to the ground.
He hit me again, covered my mouth, not letting me make a sound.

I started to struggle and tried to release myself of his forceful grip.
Then the next thing I heard was a loud, horrifying rip.
His hands were cold and I cringed at first touch.
I don't understand how a father could hate his daughter so much.
I froze, and I couldn't believe that this was really going on.
I just kept looking at the clock, wanting him to be gone.

I tried so badly not to think of the sharp pain,
And this wasn't part of his usual game.
I closed my eyes, wishing the time would just pass by,
And that next time I opened them I would be up in the sky.
He pushed harder and harder and excruciating pain was all I felt.
The next thing I heard was the unbuckling of his belt.

Something happened inside of me that I cannot explain.
I got this surge of energy and said, "F you and your reign."
Somehow, someway I got out just in time.
But what he had already done will never get out of my mind.
From then on my life has been forever changed.
It was like all I knew had been rearranged.
I hate him with everything I have in me and so much more,
And one day I want to end this war.

I think back to when it happened,
think back to that awful day.
The day when it all happened,
the day he took "it" away.

Fighting. Yelling. Crying.
It didn't matter how loud I screamed.
Nobody came to help me.
Nobody came to set me free.

I still dream of running,
of trying to break away.
Of feeling him catch me,
every damn day.

I see him in the shadows,
even while I'm at home.
I close my eyes and pray he's gone,
only then I can't help but feel him.

To this day I feel him,
his tight grip on my wrists,
The pressure of his body
as I tried to resist.

He continued to thrust away,
as I fought and yelled and cried.
It didn't matter how loud I screamed,
Nobody came to help me.
Nobody came to set me free.

I hear the floor creek
Closer and closer toward my bedroom door
I try to stay quiet hiding under the covers
Though I know he will find me

I hope he doesn't hear my heartbeat
Or hear me praying God will protect me tonight
But as I do I start to cry because I know
TONIGHT'S ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS
WHEN GOD JUST DOESN'T HEAR ME

I let out one more sob
And the door swings open
The hallway light shines in
But darkness radiates off him
So strong
He has a smile on his face
Nothing will stop him
I cant even defend myself

He gets on top of me holding me down
As I try to turn away
He pulls me back covering my mouth
I am too scared to breathe

A few weeks pass by
I hear him moaning my name
While stumbling around the house
Closer and closer he is walking toward me

Now he is on my bed
And before he even touches me
I begin to cry as I wonder
Where is God tonight?

This time I fight back
I yell
I cry
But he has ways to shut me up.
I do everything I can to loosen his grip
He's hurting me so bad but will not let me go
NO
He will not let me go
Not until he is finished

He leaves me lying there
To think of what I have lost
"I'm sorry" is not enough
He doesn't even realize what it has cost

Another few weeks pass by
The shame keeps getting worse
Too afraid to tell
Though its so hard to hide this pain
Day after day

I must have been bad that night
I hear him coming closer as I'm lying on the floor
Lord I would do anything
If you would keep him from walking through that door

But he does
I finally realize I am all alone
No one to protect me
No one who can save me...
So I lie back down to take it
But he throws me on the bed
And makes me relive my worst fears
When I just want to be dead

I don't want to kill myself
I just want to die
God, why have you abandoned me?
Can you not see the tears I cry?

I will hurt myself later
After you have hurt me
This blood that stains the sheets
Tangled up on my bed
Reminds me of the words
The images you have put inside my head

I can still feel you touching me, grabbing me
Forcing my body closer to yours
The feeling of your cold fingers all over me
I constantly try to wash away
From my scarred skin

Since that first night
I live my life in fear
You are the reason I love too easily
Why I cannot love at all.
Because I trusted you
I can no longer trust

The pain I hold inside
You will never know
They will never understand
That my scars don't even begin to show...

The man in the cargo murdered my innocence, and he took away my pride
He broke me down, and he shattered my trust all at once in his stride
The man abused me, he denied me, and he watched as tears ran down my face
How could one soul do this? I believed I was in a safe place

Because of him, I fear just about all
And all I can do is blame myself; "How could I not escape?" not even crawl
My friends all dismissed me when I spoke of what had occurred
They ignored my fearful plea for help, every last word

My eyes are now swollen, my bones nearly broken
For now the man who stole my childhood holds it as his token
The people around believed my words to be untrue
Congratulations, you fooled them. But they really don't know you.

I told him no, and I even begged him to stop
Deafened by alcohol, he remained there on top
The man took away my voice; he is the bane of my life
The physical pain I felt that night was comparable to that of a knife

Because of him, I live in fear
I am afraid of any man who comes even remotely near
I walk alone now, and I hope this guilt is a heavy burden to haul
Dear man-in-the-cargo, you're not even a man. Not a little, not at all.

You told me that you loved me
And would never break my heart
You said that it was fun
That it wouldn't hurt.

So I took the cup from your hands
And put it to my lips
I started to get dizzy
And felt your hands around my hips.

You led me up the stairs
And into a dark place
You laid me on the bed
And put your hands around my face.

You slipped of my shirt
And undid the button on my skirt
You put yourself on top of me
Then it started to hurt.

The only thing I heard
Was you laughing in my ear
Your hot breath in my face
And the stench of too much beer.

When you were finished
You rolled over on the bed
Put your arms around my waist
And kissed me on the head

Then you got up
And got something from the floor
I heard the break of plastic
Then you got on top of me once more.

This time it was louder
As the headboard hit the wall.
You were taking away my innocence
My hope, you took it all.

Finally you stopped
Got up and walked down stairs
You left me all alone
Crying, cold, and scared.

I don't remember everything
But that moment I'll never forget
When I took the first sip of beer
The thing I most regret.

I don't scream
I don't show no fear
I show hate

My face was burning
I wanted to die
Pleasure themselves
But torture me
I don't cry

Not giving them the satisfaction
Smacked around
Beat down
Still I show now pain

Harder and harder
Still I show no pain

Cursing
Still I show no pain

Inside me
Still I show no pain

About 2 hours
Felt like a lifetime
Everything they hoped for they didn't get

Until I got home
I cried my eyes out

In the shower
I cried my eyes out

On my bed
I cried my eyes out

Best friend's shoulder
I cried my eyes out

Whenever I think about it
I cry my eyes out

When someone touches me
I feel it again
Until I'm aware that it's someone I love
And I grow comfortable again

The day you said it was okay
to do the things you did
was the day I closed my heart,
then ran away and hid.

You said it was okay,
you said it was all right,
but then I grew up,
and I knew you lied.

Mother, please help; mother, I need you here.
If only I could tell you,
but there is no need to share,
for if I did I'd fear you wouldn't care.

Now I know it's over,
now I know its done.
All I fear now
is what he could have done.