Hate Poems

During my childhood I was badly abused
and as I grew older, I became the accused.

The beating I took came straight from dad,
who used every obstacle to beat me so bad.

That tears that I've shed were because of fear,
that kick that I took it deafened my ear.

Doing hard labor at the age of nine
keeping the torment in back of my mind.

Eventually I became this child of steel
hard as a rock, with no tender feel.

I became immune to the blows to my head
as the tips of my welts that slightly bled.

The pain, it faded and my mind grew weak,
but as my body grew stronger, I became this freak.

He said he'll teach me from wrong to right,
but my rage grew stronger, so I stood to his fight.

He kicked down my door, I stood to my feet
he sensed the difference as our eyes finally meet.

I held no fear by the stare of my eyes
I was no longer afraid, but wanted him to die.

Speechless we stood as my fist starts to flinch
while he drew closer, I never flinched.

His first blow landed forcefully on my eye
I shook it off and said, "It's your turn to cry".

We fought like caged animals, He fell hard on the floor
I spat in his face and said, "NO MORE!".

After that night no two words were said,
walking to the beach with conflicting thoughts in my head.

Like: What did I do?, but yet felt as ease
I was happy to see him begging me please.

Was it the right thing for me to attack?
For the beatings to stop so he won't hit me back? 

It must be the way for him to leave me alone.
I saw the fear in his eyes that had once been my own.

As I grew older it lingered in my mind
the memories I harbored never stayed behind.

I figured, "I'll be respected if I fight my way through
because I've powered over my dad and I can power over you".

I never started trouble, but if it came my way
I'd fight to destroy with nothing to say.

The littlest thing you do can get me mad
who knows what will happen as you fade into dad.

My past still haunts me after all these years
it brings me power and hides my fears.

When I get into rage I can no longer see,
but I know you're my dad who stands in front of me.

I'll give all I've got till the damage is done
once again my past has won.

I've abused so many loved ones or not,
but I never cared and I never stopped.

It took that one night when she yelled it at me,
"The Devils in your eyes, Oh GOD please help me!".

The fear that I saw it made my heart burn
I wanted to run, but no where to turn.

I looked deep in her eyes and I seen myself there
she was badly bruised, just shaking with fear.

Now I'm in prison and paying my dues
for the damages I've caused with scared black & blues.

The memories continue to haunt me today
I want it to stop, please GOD take it away.

If Love is a dream,
then I shall always dream.
If Love is an earthquake,
then let it shake me.
If Love is fire,
then let me burn.
If Love is a god,
let him rule long.
If Love is a fairy tale,
do tell me the story.
If love is a power,
then let me have the strength.
And if Love is a person,
I pray it is me.

If Hate is a vision,
then I won't look.
If Hate is a story,
I'll close the book.
If Hate is a hunger,
then I just won't eat.
If Hate is a fire,
then don't let me catch fire.
If Hate is a rhythm,
then I'll break the beat.
If Hate is a trick,
then don't trick me.
And if hate is a person,
I pray it isn't me.

I looked for a word to say,
but could not find one that day.

I wished for a word that would stay in your heart,
That would show you exactly what tore us apart.

I hate what you did; I hate you so deeply.
I hate what you said; I hate you so sweetly.

I look at you and cannot tell what's in your eyes.
I talk to you, but all that comes out of your mouth are lies.

I see how you hurt and I don't understand.
All your true feelings are kept in a far away land.

A land we called love,
But now it's destruction.

A land God made from above,
and now we call it seduction.

It's true in a way we both long for each other.
But we both seem to long for another.

Another person we both thought we were,
But now it seems that this person I thought you were is now a blur.

This is a bitter sweet heart that will end in destruction.
And this is a bitter sweet part that needs some construction.

Why I hold on, I do not know why.
I should move on yes, but I'd rather just die.

You caused destruction in my heart.
You caused destruction because you thought it would be smart.

I hate you, I hate you so deeply.
I hate you, but I'm hating you sweetly.

I heard the footsteps coming and I knew this would be another long night,
And something inside me screamed this time it really isn't right.
The words he was saying were ruthless and cruel,
And each time he hit me, I sat there and obeyed each and every rule.
I sat there blank faced and scared knowing that I couldn't cry,
For I knew what would happen if he saw the tears in my eyes.

Each and every swing felt worse and worse,
And then all I wanted was to be dead in a hearse.
He got real close and whispered, "Bitch, I wish you weren't alive,"
And all I was thinking was you're right, I wish I wouldn't survive.
He threw me against the wall then proceeded to pin me to the ground.
He hit me again, covered my mouth, not letting me make a sound.

I started to struggle and tried to release myself of his forceful grip.
Then the next thing I heard was a loud, horrifying rip.
His hands were cold and I cringed at first touch.
I don't understand how a father could hate his daughter so much.
I froze, and I couldn't believe that this was really going on.
I just kept looking at the clock, wanting him to be gone.

I tried so badly not to think of the sharp pain,
And this wasn't part of his usual game.
I closed my eyes, wishing the time would just pass by,
And that next time I opened them I would be up in the sky.
He pushed harder and harder and excruciating pain was all I felt.
The next thing I heard was the unbuckling of his belt.

Something happened inside of me that I cannot explain.
I got this surge of energy and said, "F you and your reign."
Somehow, someway I got out just in time.
But what he had already done will never get out of my mind.
From then on my life has been forever changed.
It was like all I knew had been rearranged.
I hate him with everything I have in me and so much more,
And one day I want to end this war.

The words flow out,
My blood on a page
I'll just sit here,
Drowning in rage.

A small glass bottle
Full of tears
That I've held back
For thirteen years.

Why?
What did I do,
To earn such woe?
Why must I
Hate everyone so?

But yet,
I'll act strong.
I mustn't crack.
I won't,
Though this bottle
Breaks my back.

If this is who you really are, then I want you far...
If this is what a father is, then I never want one...
You abandon me in my time of need,
Left me with nothing to eat...
I had to survive on my own two feet...
All the money you had, and still you treated me so bad...
You're the worst dad, and that makes you so glad!!!
What comes around goes right around...
I hate when you yell, I hate that sound!!!
I looked for you and hell is what I found!
I should of been your princess with a crown.
Instead, you treated me like I was your clown.
Betrayed me and left me with a frown!!
Look at my tears, what about my fears?
You can't help me anymore. Don't even try, what for?
I hate what you have done to me!
I used to be so weak. I was afraid to ever speak...
Now I have found strength and I'm not afraid...
I'm not afraid of telling you to leave.
You are my dad just by name. Because of you, I will never be the same...
You are insane, and that's how you will remain.
My mom is good. She's not the one to blame...
She had to play your roll as a dad...
You were never there. She was always so fair...

To have your last name
makes me ill.
You make me so angry
I want to kill!

I hate your voice
and the thought of you.
You were never there
when I needed you!

You're inconsiderate,
you're a lazy slob.
How could you do
what you did to mom?

It's like you don't
even accept me.
What kind of father
can you be?

You're stupid for thinking
that I'd forgive
what you did to me...to mom.
How do you live?

Do you regret?
I hardly doubt.
I bet that I'm
the last thing you think about.

Don't lie to me.
I know I'm right.
I don't want you
in my sight!

Stay where you are;
don't bother.
You're lousy - I hate you
You're not my father!!

But that's okay,
you see,
because I don't need
your money!

You've forgotten
me before.
Go ahead...do it
some more!

LOSER! JERK! - I hate you
you're not my father,
and guess what,
I'm no longer
your daughter!

She looked up to you.
I did to.
I told her you were a good role model.
Over and over I did.
Used you as an example as a good man.
Wanted her to follow in your footsteps.
Not knowing what you did to her
There in the dark.
I was so careful to keep her safe.

The truth is out now.
The past can never become undone.
You took something that you can never give back.
The road she was on was already uphill.
You knew the odds
Yet your selfishness took over
I will never understand
No longer try to.
I am too busy.

Now I spend my days trying to put back together pieces.
The pieces you created.
She hurts everyday.
Cries.
Filled with so much pain and sorrow.
Confused.
How could her uncle do that to her.
Scared.
Will she lose the ones that she loves, that love you too.
Angry
She just wants it to go away, not knowing how.

Life goes on for you.
Hers has stopped
Paralyzed in time.
Can't move on
Can't go back.

I never knew the depth of love until I had kids.
I never knew the depth of hate until you did what you did.

I HATE being patient, but I've got more of it than anyone else I know.
I HATE having to put myself aside for something else,
but I care enough to do it.
I find myself filled with a lot of that lately...this...hate...
It sounds so weird to say it out loud...hate....It doesn't have a nice feeling.
I HATE- 
   It's just not me.
   It's not how I want to be.
It doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.
It doesn't sound right swirling through my head.
Why is it that I find myself constantly forcing that word out of my head?
I hate that...
there it is again,
lately it creeps up on me.
I know what causes it. I'm tired.
I'm tired of being patient and putting myself second,
second for you.
I hate you,
I don't hate you.
I hate the power you seem to have over me.
I hate that I can't hate you.
I feel helpless,
The words echo through my head.
They echo through the room.
The room
This room.
I hate this room.
The room you so kindly took the time to build for me.
The room in my head,
once my sanctuary - now my enemy.
I hate this room.
I'm forced to sit in this damp windowless room.
There is no way out. Not yet, anyway.
I have to wait.
wait - and be patient,
wait...
for you.

The burning hate,
so severe, everlasting,
the hate you take every day,
that you absorb,
the burning hate that you despise,
the hate.
You hate the tired, the draining exhaustion that burns,
you can't get rid of it, no matter how much rest.
You hate the pent up anger
that you release into the world to handle,
but you don't care,
but deep down under the hate, you do.
You hate the sadness,
almost.
You have too many emotions to tell.
You are alone, no matter how much someone loves you.
You are alone, almost scared.
Almost.
You hate the confusion,
the haze you live behind,
your mind,
a prison.
Every night
you dread the next day,
and what lies ahead.
Sleep heals,
but hardly does it help.
The headache, stomachache, muscle aches,
pain to the bone.
Pain,
inside and out,
merciless, unforgiving,
indescribable.
You forget what it's like to
smile, laugh, be loose, be fun, be social,
be what you used to be.
And what you hate the most
is the stress,
the hair yanking,
indescribable stress.