Hate Poems

During my childhood I was badly abused
and as I grew older, I became the accused.

The beating I took came straight from dad,
who used every obstacle to beat me so bad.

That tears that I've shed were because of fear,
that kick that I took it deafened my ear.

Doing hard labor at the age of nine
keeping the torment in back of my mind.

Eventually I became this child of steel
hard as a rock, with no tender feel.

I became immune to the blows to my head
as the tips of my welts that slightly bled.

The pain, it faded and my mind grew weak,
but as my body grew stronger, I became this freak.

He said he'll teach me from wrong to right,
but my rage grew stronger, so I stood to his fight.

He kicked down my door, I stood to my feet
he sensed the difference as our eyes finally meet.

I held no fear by the stare of my eyes
I was no longer afraid, but wanted him to die.

Speechless we stood as my fist starts to flinch
while he drew closer, I never flinched.

His first blow landed forcefully on my eye
I shook it off and said, "It's your turn to cry".

We fought like caged animals, He fell hard on the floor
I spat in his face and said, "NO MORE!".

After that night no two words were said,
walking to the beach with conflicting thoughts in my head.

Like: What did I do?, but yet felt as ease
I was happy to see him begging me please.

Was it the right thing for me to attack?
For the beatings to stop so he won't hit me back? 

It must be the way for him to leave me alone.
I saw the fear in his eyes that had once been my own.

As I grew older it lingered in my mind
the memories I harbored never stayed behind.

I figured, "I'll be respected if I fight my way through
because I've powered over my dad and I can power over you".

I never started trouble, but if it came my way
I'd fight to destroy with nothing to say.

The littlest thing you do can get me mad
who knows what will happen as you fade into dad.

My past still haunts me after all these years
it brings me power and hides my fears.

When I get into rage I can no longer see,
but I know you're my dad who stands in front of me.

I'll give all I've got till the damage is done
once again my past has won.

I've abused so many loved ones or not,
but I never cared and I never stopped.

It took that one night when she yelled it at me,
"The Devils in your eyes, Oh GOD please help me!".

The fear that I saw it made my heart burn
I wanted to run, but no where to turn.

I looked deep in her eyes and I seen myself there
she was badly bruised, just shaking with fear.

Now I'm in prison and paying my dues
for the damages I've caused with scared black & blues.

The memories continue to haunt me today
I want it to stop, please GOD take it away.

The words flow out,
My blood on a page
I'll just sit here,
Drowning in rage.

A small glass bottle
Full of tears
That I've held back
For thirteen years.

Why?
What did I do,
To earn such woe?
Why must I
Hate everyone so?

But yet,
I'll act strong.
I mustn't crack.
I won't,
Though this bottle
Breaks my back.

I heard the footsteps coming and I knew this would be another long night,
And something inside me screamed this time it really isn't right.
The words he was saying were ruthless and cruel,
And each time he hit me, I sat there and obeyed each and every rule.
I sat there blank faced and scared knowing that I couldn't cry,
For I knew what would happen if he saw the tears in my eyes.

Each and every swing felt worse and worse,
And then all I wanted was to be dead in a hearse.
He got real close and whispered, "Bitch, I wish you weren't alive,"
And all I was thinking was you're right, I wish I wouldn't survive.
He threw me against the wall then proceeded to pin me to the ground.
He hit me again, covered my mouth, not letting me make a sound.

I started to struggle and tried to release myself of his forceful grip.
Then the next thing I heard was a loud, horrifying rip.
His hands were cold and I cringed at first touch.
I don't understand how a father could hate his daughter so much.
I froze, and I couldn't believe that this was really going on.
I just kept looking at the clock, wanting him to be gone.

I tried so badly not to think of the sharp pain,
And this wasn't part of his usual game.
I closed my eyes, wishing the time would just pass by,
And that next time I opened them I would be up in the sky.
He pushed harder and harder and excruciating pain was all I felt.
The next thing I heard was the unbuckling of his belt.

Something happened inside of me that I cannot explain.
I got this surge of energy and said, "F you and your reign."
Somehow, someway I got out just in time.
But what he had already done will never get out of my mind.
From then on my life has been forever changed.
It was like all I knew had been rearranged.
I hate him with everything I have in me and so much more,
And one day I want to end this war.

To have your last name
makes me ill.
You make me so angry
I want to kill!

I hate your voice
and the thought of you.
You were never there
when I needed you!

You're inconsiderate,
you're a lazy slob.
How could you do
what you did to mom?

It's like you don't
even accept me.
What kind of father
can you be?

You're stupid for thinking
that I'd forgive
what you did to me...to mom.
How do you live?

Do you regret?
I hardly doubt.
I bet that I'm
the last thing you think about.

Don't lie to me.
I know I'm right.
I don't want you
in my sight!

Stay where you are;
don't bother.
You're lousy - I hate you
You're not my father!!

But that's okay,
you see,
because I don't need
your money!

You've forgotten
me before.
Go ahead...do it
some more!

LOSER! JERK! - I hate you
you're not my father,
and guess what,
I'm no longer
your daughter!

I HATE being patient, but I've got more of it than anyone else I know.
I HATE having to put myself aside for something else,
but I care enough to do it.
I find myself filled with a lot of that lately...this...hate...
It sounds so weird to say it out loud...hate....It doesn't have a nice feeling.
I HATE- 
   It's just not me.
   It's not how I want to be.
It doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.
It doesn't sound right swirling through my head.
Why is it that I find myself constantly forcing that word out of my head?
I hate that...
there it is again,
lately it creeps up on me.
I know what causes it. I'm tired.
I'm tired of being patient and putting myself second,
second for you.
I hate you,
I don't hate you.
I hate the power you seem to have over me.
I hate that I can't hate you.
I feel helpless,
The words echo through my head.
They echo through the room.
The room
This room.
I hate this room.
The room you so kindly took the time to build for me.
The room in my head,
once my sanctuary - now my enemy.
I hate this room.
I'm forced to sit in this damp windowless room.
There is no way out. Not yet, anyway.
I have to wait.
wait - and be patient,
wait...
for you.

The burning hate,
so severe, everlasting,
the hate you take every day,
that you absorb,
the burning hate that you despise,
the hate.
You hate the tired, the draining exhaustion that burns,
you can't get rid of it, no matter how much rest.
You hate the pent up anger
that you release into the world to handle,
but you don't care,
but deep down under the hate, you do.
You hate the sadness,
almost.
You have too many emotions to tell.
You are alone, no matter how much someone loves you.
You are alone, almost scared.
Almost.
You hate the confusion,
the haze you live behind,
your mind,
a prison.
Every night
you dread the next day,
and what lies ahead.
Sleep heals,
but hardly does it help.
The headache, stomachache, muscle aches,
pain to the bone.
Pain,
inside and out,
merciless, unforgiving,
indescribable.
You forget what it's like to
smile, laugh, be loose, be fun, be social,
be what you used to be.
And what you hate the most
is the stress,
the hair yanking,
indescribable stress.

Sitting alone in the dark corner,
Knees against my chest, head in my hands.
Watching the tears run from eye to floor.
Happiness left my soul, now so dark and cold.
Life in my eye is no longer shown.
If only I could escape these chains and cuffs
And once again run from my thoughts.
I am a prisoner of life.
Contaminated by this strife.
With Death hanging by my side
Black tears were all I cried.
Anger was built up in my blood.
All the revenge is creating a flood.
These chains will one day break.
You are all I will seek.
Like a snake I will slither.
Once you sleep I will smother.
Look at me now, try to read my heart,
All my love and joy is forever departed.
You shouldn't have locked me away.
To think I was once your little girl,
This is what you made me, sick and angry.
I am a prisoner of life.
Contaminated by this strife.
With death hanging by my side,
Black tears were all I cried.
Anger was built in my blood,
This is what you made me.
You're fast asleep in your bed.
Your words echoing in my head.
This is my soul being unleashed.
In my pocket I reached,
Grabbed the knife you once tried
But unlike you, I will not fail.
A sharp pain opened your eyes.
You gave a look of surprise.
Look at me now, Daddy.
Aren't you happy?
During your last breath
I grabbed the key.
I am finally free.

If this is who you really are, then I want you far...
If this is what a father is, then I never want one...
You abandon me in my time of need,
Left me with nothing to eat...
I had to survive on my own two feet...
All the money you had, and still you treated me so bad...
You're the worst dad, and that makes you so glad!!!
What comes around goes right around...
I hate when you yell, I hate that sound!!!
I looked for you and hell is what I found!
I should of been your princess with a crown.
Instead, you treated me like I was your clown.
Betrayed me and left me with a frown!!
Look at my tears, what about my fears?
You can't help me anymore. Don't even try, what for?
I hate what you have done to me!
I used to be so weak. I was afraid to ever speak...
Now I have found strength and I'm not afraid...
I'm not afraid of telling you to leave.
You are my dad just by name. Because of you, I will never be the same...
You are insane, and that's how you will remain.
My mom is good. She's not the one to blame...
She had to play your roll as a dad...
You were never there. She was always so fair...

In desperation I search, trying to find myself, I look.
I search and search, for my heart is lost, I search.
Too scared to run, too scared to move.
Paralyzed by pain and fear, I search.
I fight to live as I stager at the pain.
I sit beside me staring at what I see.
I shake my head at what I made me.
I fight to not listen at the pain I created.
The pain I will always see.
As I twitch in emptiness my eyes begin to see.
The more they find, the more it hurts.
They look at me as a piece of meat.
Trembling legs, week arms, and scars from defeat.
I fight myself because of what I see.
It's me I'm looking at and me that won't succeed.
I stare and look, searching for answers, for that I concede.
I shred myself and my sole with my eyes.
They are too strong for me, for that I am paralyzed.
I see my hands as the grasper of pain.
They are the retriever of all I have received from me.
As my hands fight back, I see
I am only what I want to be, and I still have a chance to defeat me.