Mental Illness Poem

I was raped and beaten while I was serving my country. As a result I had developed PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) through MST (Military Sexual Trauma). I had gotten help, but there are still times that I have a flash back. It has been 11 years ago, but it still haunts me to this day.

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I came across this poetry site just hoping I might find some relief and be motivated. Thank you for this poem.

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The Girl I Used To Be "PTSD"

©

Published: February 2014

Among the cluttered archives of my pondering
Lie the memories of a girl who I used to be,
My eyes alight,
Radiant as the sun,
But my figure grows dim,
With every breath that's drawn.

The inquiring mind's question lie eternally quiet
My heart's inner strength quietly accrued,
The insistent cruelty claims my will as it's prize,
embedding it's hatred into my deepest confines,
Riddled with conflict, despair, and my recent host.

My identity peals
my former self is now like a ghost.
As I cling to the memories
of what once innocence I had
a searing pain streams through me
as I mourn.

This girl is pure as rain
It is now all gone
I resolved, self-assurance
Will, and life all won.

Won by a cruelty too often given on the timid
Teased and criticized, abused by critique
Judgment weighs on my slight frame
The weight of the world... I am to blame
She loves on in spite of her imminent demise
Rendered by those I loved so deeply.
With once my bright eyes

The eyes reflect on this tattered soul
The eyes that grow dim as she will never be whole
Damaged and beaten by life itself
The irony is uncanny
The toll it has taken is so real
This shell keeps going
A outsider she is now
The opposite of a corpse
She is now the living dead
Why her heart continues beating
or blood flows through her veins
Why she draws in breath
Or why she even has a name...
Is a questioning plea
for someone to reclaim.
The girl I used to be

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Has this poem touched you? Share your story!
  • LTWitHyT Thomas by LTWitHyT Thomas, Marina, Ca
  • 1 year ago

I came across this poetry site just hoping I might find some relief and be motivated. Thank you for this poem.

  • Farah Gowani by Farah Gowani
  • 3 years ago

I feel like i have lost that 'girl' as well...in me....someone in the past....where I live sometimes....can't face the present sometimes...but trying every day to be present...just wanted to relate to someone with a similar experience...thank you.

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