Crying Poem

When life just goes wrong. Wondering why I am here and how life can change.

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I've asked myself and others the same thing. Why am I here? I put on so many disguises that I didn't know who I was. I have tried many time to commit suicide, and the last time I attempted it...

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Wondering Why Am I Here

© more by Raymond Martineau

Published by Family Friend Poems May 2008 with permission of the Author.

I lay in bed alone at night and wonder why I'm here.
I do so much for everyone.
Why don't they show they care?
I met this girl who said she loved me,
something I haven't heard in so long.
She used me for my money;
what a ride she took me on.
There is so much hurt I feel, so much anger trapped inside.
Sometimes I wish my dad were here, but to me he's not alive.
I have no one to talk to.
These drugs seem to be the only way.
Turns out it's a lie just like the smile I put on each and every day.
I know outside I'm smiling; it's the face I fake for you,
But inside my soul is crying and there is nothing I can do.
I know my family loves me.
I'm there when their decisions are poor.
I'm sick of feeling like this walked on rug thrown upon the floor.
I lay in bed and wonder what the hell I'm doing here.
Can I wake up from this dream?
Can I please just disappear?


more by Raymond Martineau

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Has this poem touched you? Share your story!
  • Ayesha Malik by Ayesha Malik
  • 7 years ago

You know I just love this poem. I loved it so much. I know whoever wrote it is such an intelligent person. I also write poems and know it's the way to get it out what's inside us. BE BLESSED and BE HAPPY. JUST SMILE and love yourself and always be the best version of yourself.

  • Rose L. Prim Rhea by Rose L. Prim Rhea, Irving , Tx 75060
  • 7 years ago

I've asked myself and others the same thing. Why am I here? I put on so many disguises that I didn't know who I was. I have tried many time to commit suicide, and the last time I attempted it was miracle that I made it. My family told me that they prayed GOD if you just don't take her and let her come back to us they made a promise to GOD to get me the help I needed. Guess God went with that, so even though I still wanted to die at times I knew I had to do what they promised. I did that not liking it and fought it tooth and nail. I had lots of anger, resentments, and lots of questions. They all wanted to support me and all gung ho about it at first till they found out they had to participate in the family counseling. It was very disappointing to me. I looked at it this way: why did all of you make the deal with God to not take me if you weren't gonna follow through with what was agreed on? I still go to therapy.

  • Anonymous by Anonymous
  • 7 years ago

This poem... describes my life for the past 5 or 6 years. Every smile is a mask, every laugh is fake or just doesn't even come. Every day is a nightmare and when reality hits, and I realize that I'm awake, I find that the next day is worse than the last... I wrote this comment because I know how many people are like me, some even worse off, but that doesn't stop me from putting the knife to my neck... But I never do it. I am yet to die.

  • Mary Reynolds by Mary Reynolds
  • 1 year ago

Same! How does a mother who treated her child like a true gift from God his whole life accept and understand how her son couldn't care less about you? Where did I go wrong? This is the worse pain I've ever experienced in my life.

  • Antonyfelder07 by Antonyfelder07
  • 7 years ago

Keep pushing. We have to keep fighting. Control the beast in your brain. God bless.

  • Caroline Romick by Caroline Romick, Ohio
  • 8 years ago

This poem is my poem. This describes my life right now and I love it. I want to wake up from my nightmare. The author calls it a dream but to me dreams are pleasant and happy most of the time. Nightmares are unhappy and depressing and sad and all things that make me feel crappy. A lot of people would say that they don't want to hear this, but I'm just trying to tell them how I feel. Thanks for listening. I know it's gonna get better someday.

  • Sarah Wright by Sarah Wright
  • 9 years ago

I've always felt alone in my family, among my friends, and basically with everyone. This poem really touched a place in me I never knew I had, just writing this I can already feel the pressure on my chest returning. But I just want you to know that those 3 little words, said sincerely truly promising forever could heal me and definitely you. The pain of being alone honestly it is the worst thing in the world. Wearing that stupid fake smile and the ugly laugh and all the times I've given in, I couldn't understand anymore than I already do. We've just got to keep going and hope it gets better someday.

  • Katie by Katie, Chicago.
  • 10 years ago

I finished reading the third line and I broke on tears. YOU WROTE THIS FOR ME. THIS IS MY LIFE IN A POEM. I got friends and family, but I'm always sad and makes me feel bad the fact I see other people being happy while they don't have lots of things or a complete family are happy, while I "have" everything and still I'm sad. Thank you. I finally found someone who understands, and it gives me hope I'm not the only one, thank you.

  • Val by Val, Alabama
  • 10 years ago

Wow, I felt this poem. Always wearing that fake smile for those around me. Never truly happy anymore. I wonder why we are stuck here and lost in this horrible dream. Sometimes it feels like waiting for the day I die. Just lost and stuck on wondering why we have to live.

  • Diana by Diana, Houston Texas
  • 11 years ago

I'm That Girl that everyone thinks is happy all the time, but no this smile is a mask, to hide all the tears I've cried.. My heart has been broken so many times I hope this guy stays and doesn't crush my fragile heart that's already in poor condition.. What am I doing with my life? Will I ever be truly happy? This is my biggest question of all,
Why Am I Here?

  • Madison by Madison
  • 11 years ago

Your poem really touched me thanks for sharing ....

  • Emily by Emily, CA
  • 12 years ago

Wow, that broke my heart. When I read it, I just couldn't stop crying. I'm 13 years old, and am depressed everyday. Not wanting to go to school. Everyone is so rude to me, treating my like a dirty rag. They call me names, and push me around. I have no friends in school, so I eat alone, and hang by myself. I usually eat in the bathroom where no one can see me and am safe. Your poem is just..Well wow, it's lovely. And describes me the same.

  • Dana by Dana, New Jersey
  • 13 years ago

I know how you feel and this poem made me cry lol

  • Amber by Amber
  • 13 years ago

I have actually used lines that are almost the same in some of my poems as the one you wrote. It was kind of funny to read this and realize how close and similar feelings can be and the words they turn into.

  • Genesis by Genesis, Miami
  • 14 years ago

Wow this is really sad, but I know how you feel. I never really heard the words I love you and I fake smiles and wonder what the hell I'm doing here but I try to put all this behind and do things that make me happy and forget everyone else so cheer up friend and I hope everything with you gets better :)

  • kris by kris
  • 15 years ago

just.. it is what it is .... and wow .. I know what your saying..

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