The Car

I was heading south to the city's biggest shopping center
To get a steak and other things that I could eat for dinner.
Then I noticed, luckily, I was nearly out of gas.
So, I headed for the Stall-Mart store out near the overpass.
Just as I pulled up, the engine somehow died.
I couldn't get it started, no matter how I tried.
At that moment I noticed an old man walking with a cane.
He cringed each time he stepped as if he were in pain.
With a toothless smile, he asked me, "Fella, what's the problem?"
I told him that my car just died and problems, man, I got 'em.
He said, "Give me a few minutes to find out why it's dead."
He opened the hood and in just thirty seconds he turned to me and said,
"Hmmmmmm......Well........
You have a blasticated unicellular caustic tad malfunction.
The generator pottsigraft has lost most of its suction.
You have tubular antispiral mispopulated slippage.
And the plastic-nozzeled harpsitube needs a brand new tippage.
The lesser of all your problems that I find you got
Is that the double crypted intake valve really squeaks a lot.
And my professional assessment that I've done thus far,
Tells me that this heap is crap and you need another car.
I can sell you a slightly used cream-puff if you want to take her.
It's a 19 and 43 fully loaded Studebaker.
It runs real good and looks real sharp and has only a few small dents.
I'll let you have it for 600 dollars and 37 cents,
Plus my complete diagnostic examination that I've done today.
So can we make a gentleman's deal? What do you have to say?"
Hmmmm....
As I was walking home I noticed a shiny bicycle for sale...